To get annoyed at DH having a poo during our morning routine?

[doggiemum247]

We have a 9mo dd. Since she was born, I've gotten up an hour before she does so I can do everything I need to in the shower, blow dry my hair if needed, get dressed, pump milk etc. my husband sleeps in while I do this. If dd wakes in this time, dh takes her into bed with him for a cuddle until I'm ready to take her for breakfast and we all eat together- important for her development but also if I don't have someone helping me with breakfast, I almost never get to eat because she gets very whiny and upset in the high chair if she's not actually eating. This morning, he announced as I was going downstairs that he was going for a poo and shower (he usually does this in the evening once she's gone to bed).

I suppose for most people this wouldn't be a problem. But I rely on his support in the morning (by which I mean him holding her and then coming to breakfast with us, it's not like I'm asking that much of him) and it took me by surprise. I got annoyed. I said "if you knew you needed 20 minutes in the morning to get ready, you should have told me and I would have gotten up 20 minutes earlier so I could have played with her while you did that".

He got annoyed at me back saying "it's only 20 minutes" and "it's no big deal, it's not like you do anything or need to be anywhere". I study from home while looking after dd during the day.

I explained that if he'd just told me, I wouldn't need to try and juggle dd on my own for 20 minutes when it could have easily been factored in. He wouldn't even have had to get up early! I would have gotten up 20 mins earlier to allow him that time!!!

Needless to say, I didn't get my breakfast and probably won't get a chance to until later now because I have things to get done this morning while also watching dd. Currently BFing her.

To add insult to injury, when I came upstairs with dd, dh had left his stinky dirty pants on the office chair I sit at all day to work. Didn't seem to think this was a problem either.

The main problem though is that even though I've asked him to let me know if he needs 20 minutes in the morning to get ready and I'll factor that into my routine, he's point blank refusing, saying it's unnecessary and I need to ease up. It's not a make or break thing but to me it seems like such an easy thing to just let me know the night before and I'll get up early, rather than having to struggle for those 20 minutes. It's just be a lot less stress al around.

Am I being too rigid and type A, or would others expect their partners to let them know if they needed extra time in the morning to get ready, rather than just taking it out of time that is already very busy?

Chill - you’ve got this.

and throw the pants at his face.

The man is allowed to do a shit.

Quite a lot of (perhaps unnecessary) poo detail in your OP! I think you are being unreasonable to expect your DH to fit his needs, his day and his bodily functions around your routine - it’s unfair on him and unrealistic for me to expect that from him.

As for your DH leaving his dirty pants on your chair, he’s obviously being unreasonable - that’s really unpleasant. When he left them on your chair, was he just not thinking, or did he do it out of spite?

So you have time to blow dry your hair (when planning to spend the day at home), but your husband can't spend 20 min going to the loo and showering? YABU I'm afraid. YANBU to expect him to put his pants in the wash though.

It doesn't take two adults to give a baby her breakfast. Have your breakfast whilst your baby has hers. It won't be the relaxing experience that you may have had pre-children but that's parenthood for you...

*unrealistic for you to expect…

Skipping out on what? Feeding one child a bowl of weetabix and then having a bit of toast yourself? Is there some horrific challenge in that that I’ve missed?

Seriously,how in earth do you think single mum's manage. At 9 months your baby doesn't need to be attached to you , you should easily be able to eat breakfast, get showered, blow dry hair with the baby awake.

@Butchyrestingface

you might have a point! A whiny chi-wah-wah maybe??

Yeah sorry, YABU. I used to get up, get myself ready, then get a baby and a toddler ready for nursery, drive them there and me back (45 min trip) then get myself to the station to get to London before 9am. Never had help as my husband was a night worker. It really doesn't matter if you eat your breakfast a little later than your DD.

I'd say YANBU, presuming DH is off to work soon after breakfast, then breakfast is important family time and DH needs to also get up in time to participate.

This was also an issue for us during maternity leave and in retrospect, I wish I had insisted DH get up earlier and not martyred myself. The morning time was the only guaranteed adult conversation I had during the day/ time when someone else would hold my high needs bf baby while I showered and got ready.

Ops DH does hold the baby in bed while she showers and gets ready.

Maybe she’s gone for a man style poo?

This can't be serious

Is there one single REASON to mention he is having a shit? Why would you imagine anyone on here wants to know this? Grim.

YABVU

Why can't you get yourself breakfast if your husband is in the bathroom? Is this your first child?

They don't have to be superglued to your hip you know? They won't break if you put them down for 2 minutes.

I think you're being dramatic.

Not every baby is the same as yours, some people really do have high needs babies that need to be held all the time at this age. In my case, mine turned out to be autistic and there was a previous thread on here where mums with high needs babies commented they later turned out to be autistic.

YABU, I do every morning on my own and manage, school run etc and have done since little one was a baby (OH starts work before we are up).

^ this

YABU about the poo! When you have to go, you have to go; and many people are not totally regular and predictable about their bowel movements. The shower, he could doubtless have postponed until the routine was finished. It depends really on how often that is an issue. If his shower often interrupts the routine, it's fair to ask him to try and shower earlier or later. I wouldn't make a fuss about a one-off.

Not every baby is the same as yours, some people really do have high needs babies that need to be held all the time at this age. In my case, mine turned out to be autistic and there was a previous thread on here where mums with high needs babies commented they later turned out to be autistic.

What will happen if these babies can't be held for 2-3 minutes max??

Seriously, get a bloody grip.

Your child is 9m old - I am amazed (and concerned) that you cannot eat breakfast without your husband's help. The rigidity of your routine and household set-up is honestly baffling.

It all sounds so stressful and military-like.
Jeez, chill out.

Double-up on the contraception. If you find one child such hard work that it takes two adults to get her up a fed in the morning, adding any more will break you.

Give her Cheerios and sliced blueberries. She's 9 months I don't know why she hasn't been getting food in her high chair already?!

Anyway,the pooing is no big deal. Get a baby cage and put her on with some toys.

I would be annoyed about the dirty pants on my office chair, but not about the rest of it.