To get annoyed at DH having a poo during our morning routine?

[doggiemum247]

We have a 9mo dd. Since she was born, I've gotten up an hour before she does so I can do everything I need to in the shower, blow dry my hair if needed, get dressed, pump milk etc. my husband sleeps in while I do this. If dd wakes in this time, dh takes her into bed with him for a cuddle until I'm ready to take her for breakfast and we all eat together- important for her development but also if I don't have someone helping me with breakfast, I almost never get to eat because she gets very whiny and upset in the high chair if she's not actually eating. This morning, he announced as I was going downstairs that he was going for a poo and shower (he usually does this in the evening once she's gone to bed).

I suppose for most people this wouldn't be a problem. But I rely on his support in the morning (by which I mean him holding her and then coming to breakfast with us, it's not like I'm asking that much of him) and it took me by surprise. I got annoyed. I said "if you knew you needed 20 minutes in the morning to get ready, you should have told me and I would have gotten up 20 minutes earlier so I could have played with her while you did that".

He got annoyed at me back saying "it's only 20 minutes" and "it's no big deal, it's not like you do anything or need to be anywhere". I study from home while looking after dd during the day.

I explained that if he'd just told me, I wouldn't need to try and juggle dd on my own for 20 minutes when it could have easily been factored in. He wouldn't even have had to get up early! I would have gotten up 20 mins earlier to allow him that time!!!

Needless to say, I didn't get my breakfast and probably won't get a chance to until later now because I have things to get done this morning while also watching dd. Currently BFing her.

To add insult to injury, when I came upstairs with dd, dh had left his stinky dirty pants on the office chair I sit at all day to work. Didn't seem to think this was a problem either.

The main problem though is that even though I've asked him to let me know if he needs 20 minutes in the morning to get ready and I'll factor that into my routine, he's point blank refusing, saying it's unnecessary and I need to ease up. It's not a make or break thing but to me it seems like such an easy thing to just let me know the night before and I'll get up early, rather than having to struggle for those 20 minutes. It's just be a lot less stress al around.

Am I being too rigid and type A, or would others expect their partners to let them know if they needed extra time in the morning to get ready, rather than just taking it out of time that is already very busy?

This is honestly ridiculous, how do you think families with one or more shift workers/ single parents/people with more than one child manage?

When mine were little, my ex was a police officer working a hellish shift pattern, late off a lot of the time. I had a two year old and a new baby with a tongue tie that never fully resolved and who wanted to be held constantly. Sometimes, to get something done, he had to be left to whinge or cry for a bit. I wasn't going to martyr myself in the process or feel terrible that I'd taken time to have a quick shower/eat something. Funnily enough at 9 and 7 my kids have developed just fine.

one of the more bizarre aspects of this seems to be that the DH appears to time his showering around his bowel habits. Usually he shits and showers in the evening. But this morning he needed to poo, so that meant he needed to shower then too.

Obviously you are completely batshit and controlling but since you’re determined to control him you could try elimination communication on him? Make those pssss psss pss noises at him to make him poo on command?

@doggiemum247 I’m not in agreement with most of the replies.. I’d feel annoyed like you!

i never understand why some people feel the need to martyr themselves saying they’ve got it worse than you. It’s not really relevant! It’s your life and if you are lucky enough to be able to have breakfast with two adults that’s nice. Don’t take the shitty replies too seriously Xoxox

This is why we need bidets in this county. So men don't need to shit and shower afterwards. That's why they do it.. because it gets all gross down there so they need to wash after.

Could you buy some cereal bars to have or grab a banana? Just so if dd is unsettled you can still eat ?

What a nightmare.
I do understand if you have to leave for daycare/work....but why on earth are you waking up an hour earlier to get ready if then you are at home??? I am confused

Really sorry but yawn, yabu, not really worth moaning about when there’s real problems

YABU. My very young mother managed to look after a 1 year old and a newborn on her own whilst my young dad left for work early in the morning. Why is your Dd in the high chair/sat on dad’s knee and not eating anything? Your Dd is 9 months old so old enough to sit in a high chair and occupy herself with some finger food whilst you eat something.

What a star he is for making the effort to hold his own child for 10 mins.

The standard for men Vs women regarding parenting on here is appalling.

I am astounded at the number of posters who think the DH is unreasonable and not pulling his weight. OP gets up an hour before the DC to get ready. If DC wakes in that time DH takes her. They then do breakfast together. Normally DH showers the night before after DC bedtime. This morning he needed a poo, and a shower which took 20 minutes a not unreasonable length of time. This is not trying to duck out of family life or evading responsibility. It is an unusual occurrence. The pants are grim but I would be tempted to do similar if my DH moaned at me for having a poo

😂

YABU about the routine and his bodily functions needing to fit around it
YANBU about the pants
HiBU about needing 20 minutes for a shit and shower.

FGS, I hope you’re not planning on any more dcs, because if you can’t manage to have any breakfast with just one baby to look after, on your own, God only knows how you’d manage with a toddler as well.

I worked in an all male environment at a university - one of the post docs would fetch a full cooked breakfast on a tray from the canteen, newspaper tucked under his arm and announce he was off for his morning dump.
He would eat his breakfast while on the toilet while having a poop, the whole process took around an hour.
Taking recreational defacation to the next level

This is horrifying. you must be making it up

Did no one comment on how disgusting it is to take a tray of food from the canteen to the toilet and sit on the toilet to eat it?

I can’t imagine people just letting that pass. Maybe the first time, because they hadn’t processed that’s what was actually happening. But if this was a routine, why was no one pointing out how disgusting and unacceptable that is?

Imagine him getting pissed off because you need to go change your tampon. Why are you being so dependent. So what if baby whinges whilst in high chair whilst you eat.

@Gruffling he has the baby if she is awake. He doesn't make the OP get up an hour earlier. He isn't going to get up and hold a sleeping baby ffs

i never understand why some people feel the need to martyr themselves saying they’ve got it worse than you. It’s not really relevant! It’s your life and if you are lucky enough to be able to have breakfast with two adults that’s nice.

People aren't saying they had it 'worse'- they're just trying to illustrate that it is difficult to imagine with the circumstances as described by OP that she really finds managing to give breakfast to a 9 month old baby and eat as well so difficult. It's odd to need both parents there in these circumstances.

@Gruffling

i don’t get this

do you expect him to sit round the breakfast table whilst holding in a poo?

There’s the answer @doggiemum247. Buy him a bidet so he doesn’t need to shower after unexpected shits.

Or get one of those shower attachments next to the loo if space is an issue.

Or one of those Japanese toilets that sprays water.

And suggest that your husband sorts breakfast for the baby while you’re getting ready. You can then swap over with him
while he’s getting ready.

He might, sometimes, need a poo at this time. But millions of mothers manage to go to the toilet while in sole charge of a baby, so I’m sure he’ll figure something out.

@sjxoxo

do you think OP’s husband should have held
his poo in order to join his wife and child at the breakfast table?

It is not important to a baby's development to have breakfast together everyday. Step away from whatever person, manual, book or influencer that has told you that and let yourself relax a little as trying to be so rigid with a routine will exhaust you eventually.

What is bad for a baby is attending to their every whim and whine and not letting them entertain themselves with a soft toy for a few mins while safely sitting in a high chair. If they cry for a short time nothing terrible will happen.

Maybe see your GP?

This is just nuts. You baby does NOT need to have breakfast with BOTH parents!

she NEEDS to learn to amuse herself, you're making a rod for your own back & NIT helping her development, she needs to get bored then learn to amuse herself.

talk to her, give her some finger food, whatever.

Is this your first child, OP? Because your posts read like PFB. Put her in a bouncernet or something and eat and do your work. She'll be fine. You don't need to be glued to her 24/7. Let her sleep or bounce or whatever and continue doing what you want/need to do. No need for this over the top carry on, you are being way way unreasonable. I truly feel sorry for your DH. I hope you give him a big hug and kiss, apologise to him, and chill the f out.

The pants is gross but the rest is ridiculous. I don't get how you can't have a piece of toast/ cereal whilst your feeding your dc?