Would you prioritise your grandchild's birthday?

[BrocoliTrees]

Would you choose going to a friend's wedding (not close friends) over your grandchild's 6th birthday party? Even if the wedding invite came first, knowing the date of your grandchild's birthday, would you check to see what would be happening for their birthday? Being a Saturday too.

Bit more context... what if you would also be moving to another part of the country from said grandchild the following week.

Interested to know opinions.

Different people prioritise different things but a wedding of a not close friend, whatever that is, an acquaintance?

To be fair, OP says it's not a close friend, but her in-laws are best placed to judge that. It has to be a fairly close friend surely. Nobody invites an 'acquaintance' to their wedding.

Wedding definitely. Share present and see the birthday grandchild another day and maybe speak to them on the phone on the day. Birthday celebrations often span over a couple of days anyway, with the party on a different day to the birthday.

Wedding. The invitation came first.

And in my family, at least, 6 years old is when we started t invite school friends, and a family celebration was generally more private and separate from the birthday party for friends.

But there's obviously a MUCH longer back story to this - there's a tinge of resentment/defensiveness in your OP

My mum is very involved in her grandkids lives. She would be heartbroken if they moved away and so would they. They love spending time together.

Jesus Christ. My parents are as close as close can be to my DC and they would prioritise a wedding - and I would absolutely encourage them to do so.

Sounds like you're doing a great job of driving them away, OP.

Already, there's been quite a bit of pressure on us to visit and stay with them and we can't always make those commitments.

So they ARE anxious to see you and the grandkids and continue having a relationship after the move. Not quite the picture you've tried to paint?

I've read several of your threads on this subject, and I don't know that I've ever seen you acknowledge your DH's feelings.

Does he mind the move as much as you clearly do? Are you trashing your PILs to him as much as you are to MN?

Does he know you're obsessively trashing them on MN?

Yes, we have a smallish circle. People that have huge amounts of friends probably have a different idea of the what being a close friend is to what I do. We see our friends throughout the week and regularly spend whole weekends with them and all the kids are really close.

I have never been consulted about dates of weddings, not even by my siblings. We get save the dates over a year in advance.

Ah, these are the same grandparents that you’ve made endless complaining threads about them moving away, aren’t they? Every time, the overall consensus on Mumsnet is that you’re too obsessive but you refuse to hear it.

Yet again, you’ve failed to mention about the fact they’re also moving to care for an elderly relative.

Stop posting OP and let them get on with their lives in peace.

Wedding every time, can have cake & gift with grandparents any day round bday.

We’ve been invited to quite a lot of weddings over the years where we didn’t know the bride or groom well at all.

Wedding obviously, by 6 I would assume that the party would be more school friends than family.

Certainly by the time my dc were 6 we prob didn't see gp's on the actual day anyway. Either party, or day out or ma6be even school day and we'd catch up with them that week.

Then you could things differently to us. That's ok.😊

do

Wedding. Sorry the grandkid has a birthday every year, and something can be done to celebrate on another day. In fact none of my kids' grandparents ever came except the first one - they certainly wouldn't want to come to a party with loads of other kids!

I would expect them to attend the wedding. If they're moving its probably a last chance to catch up with their friends before they move. I would just invite them round the next day for a cup of tea and birthday cake, then arrange something else once they've moved. I would take it to be unfortunate the way it worked out with the timings, but try not to take it personally. I guess there is history as you are upset over this. There's really not much you can do though. Just give your dc a nice birthday.

Where would you like to be that day?

Wedding

I'd prioritise the wedding. Even if it was my own child's birthday I'll prioritise the wedding.

Wedding every time.

Can't think of anything more tedious than watching a bunch of 6 year olds run around screaming and eating cake.

My parents would 100% prioritise the birthday. But they would also never move away from their grandkids. I will be exactly the same if I'm lucky enough to have grandkids. MIL would go to the wedding and wouldn't be missed

I think you are blowing this completely out of proportion Op. Prioritising a wedding over a birthday is completely normal. You literally have a birthday every year and surely can be celebrated any time around the time of the birthday. Can't the grandparents see the child another time to give them their present etc. It seems such a non issue and can't imagine the 6 year old would care as long as they see them at some point. I wouldn't think twice about it.

The important thing for children on their birthdays is the presence of their friends, nor their grandparents

They’re entirely reasonable to attend the wedding and live wherever they want. And it’s very possible to have a good relationship without attending every birthday party or living close by. Most grandparents don’t attend school age children’s parties, I don’t think that was a reasonable assumption and as there are 2 parents you don’t really need them to help out or anything. Just arrange a meet up another time or they can pop in with a present. It would be fair to alternate visits but generally if someone moves the son would make the effort to go and visit the parents in their new house first. They’re probably excited to show it off