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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Miss, Mrs, Ms or Mx?

388 replies

Cherchezlaspice · 21/09/2022 01:05

Which are you? I’m a Ms, and have been since I was about 8 years old. I didn’t change my title (or my name) when I got married and this caused some consternation amongst some of the older members of my family.

This made me realise that most women I know (married or unmarried) use Ms. I don’t think I’ve come across anyone under the age of about 50 who uses ‘Miss’ or ‘Mrs’. And I’ve never encountered a ‘Mx’. I do have a fairly specific demographic bubble, though.

So, I’m curious, which are you/do you use?

OP posts:
prettybird · 21/09/2022 09:08

Should also add that I went to Uni in Scotland too (albeit an almost English one Wink - St Andrews). I was making a statement when I started using Ms - but it wasn't that unusual even back then (as it still seems to be for some on here Confused) and I wasn't the only one choosing to use it.

MajorCarolDanvers · 21/09/2022 09:15

I'm Mrs

The people I know who use Ms are divorced

shinynewapple22 · 21/09/2022 09:22

EarringsandLipstick · 21/09/2022 05:13

@PurpleMarie

That's an unnecessarily horrible reply to @HighlandPony

To be honest - I think @PurpleMarie was showing her own ignorance if she cannot comprehend that there are people who live very different lifestyles to those she is used to - even when the poster concerned has explained the reality of her actual life.

stripeyzeb · 21/09/2022 09:24

I really hate any form of title as for women it denotes their marital status and yet for men, a plain old 'Mr' says nothing. I don't see why I should have to declare my marital status when ordering something online (as an example) when a man doesn't have to. Makes no sense to me. 🤷🏻‍♀️

MumYourBabyGrewUpToBeACowboy · 21/09/2022 09:26

I’m a Dr or a Ms. Mrs is my mum or mil not me.

WhenYouWalkThroughTheGarden · 21/09/2022 09:26

I’ve been Ms. since I was sixteen. Now married and I’m Ms still but took my husband’a surname. I just want the equivalent of men’s “Mr” and “Ms” is it as far as I’m concerned.

Itloggedmeoutagain · 21/09/2022 09:29

Brefugee · 21/09/2022 07:56

It's a choice. No one forces us to choose which to use.
Everytime this comes up the thread is full of the....how dare they force us to announce marital status... comments, but no one is forced to do anything.

Yes. You do sometimes have to choose. And that is where i like to mix it up. If you are doing something online there is frequently (ime, more often than not) a compulsory box to select "Mr, Miss, Mrs" and sometimes no other options. I will always be a Mr in that case. If you can get away with leaving that one blank (IME more often than not you can't) i leave it blank.

German forms are more complicated - you choose Herr/Frau and increasingly also Div, as "form of address" and then you get your Title (which does include Prof. Dr. Dr. which i am always tempted to pick).

PP mentioned being in Ireland and the school never using "Mrs" - do they just use your first name? That wouldn't happen here unless you were absolute best friends for life with the teacher.

as for Mx being an indicator of a particular ideology. Not always. I will pick Mx where i can (if i can't leave it blank) because it is literally none of the Royal Mail online stamp thing's business if I'm a woman or a man, let alone if I'm married or not.

I didn't say you didn't have to choose. I said we had a choice. Unlike men

theremustonlybeone · 21/09/2022 09:32

I have always used Ms. Even now that I am married I am still Ms and i didnt change my name either. Funny enough I have had grief from female friends and family who just assumed i had changed it. Some folks send cards to Mr and Mrs his name...i told them to cut it out...anyway I digress

Namechanger965 · 21/09/2022 09:33

I’m 31 and use Mrs, have done since I got married at 36. I know 2 who use M’x’s. One I worked with and one teaches at DDs school. Everyone I know uses miss or mrs, regardless of age. I work in a school though, so I suppose thats probably why.

MumYourBabyGrewUpToBeACowboy · 21/09/2022 09:36

HighlandPony · 21/09/2022 01:51

Could be. I’m also Scottish. North east. I only know a couple of ms and they’re divorced. Did anyone discuss titles with you when you were young? I don’t think anyone ever did apart from like you said in school to explain why miss MacDonald is now mrs Macleod

Show quote history

Lol people certainly “discussed titles with [me] when I was young” - I was told that women were Mrs HusbandsFirst HusbandsLast.

my household is Dr Maidenname & Mr Hisname :D

Gymrabbit · 21/09/2022 09:36

I said Yabu but I obviously you are not unreasonable for using the title you prefer. However I think it’s weird that you only know people who use Ms and that some other posters have said they do too.
everyone I know uses Miss or Mrs according to their marital status and in schools I have worked in (where a list of titles is normally given out) I would say only 1 or 2 of the 70 or so female staff use Ms.
I was listed as MX (an error) on a list once and everyone suspected I was a transwoman for a while.

SocksAndTheCity · 21/09/2022 09:36

I'm Miss and have been almost fifty years, bar the odd occasion when ordering something from Fortnum's or Liberty when I have variously been Brigadier, Viscountess, Wing Commander and (more usually) just 'Mme'.

I actually quite like 'Mme' 😀

Original poster
Cherchezlaspice · 21/09/2022 09:39

Such an interesting range of responses!

OP posts:
Original poster
Cherchezlaspice · 21/09/2022 09:42

stuntbubbles · 21/09/2022 07:40

I am (genuinely) fascinated by the answers here and how we live in bubbles. It would be interesting to know location, class, education, voting preference, etc to tie it in with the “I don’t know ANYONE” style answers.

My own bubble – middle-class leftie media-careers sahf London, 30s and 40s – is firmly: 90% Ms, with the exceptions also being exceptions in my social circle (home town friends); 90% of those married kept their name, or their husband changed their name, or they smushed the two names together to come up with a new one. Mrs and name-changing is a double-take, “you did what?!” rarity. New baby daughters take Ms and mothers’ names or double barrels or the smushed-together new name as a matter of course.

Yes to all of this. I think we’re in very similar bubbles (swap Islington for sahf) and know similar people.

Some people have volunteered it, but I rather wish I’d asked everyone for a bit more demographic info. It would be so interesting.

OP posts:
BirlinBrain · 21/09/2022 09:44

Mx is used on all the homework apps in our secondary. It's pita if I ever need to refer to a teacher in a phone call or email. The DC don't know what it means or how to say it. Scottish social engineering gone mad.

magaluf1999 · 21/09/2022 09:46

Ive been single, married, divorced, single and long term partnership.

Only ever been a Miss or a Mrs. I rarely use a title as these days people just address you by your name so i Don't give it a lot of thought.

Im not over 50. I don't think i am a neanderthal either. Generally quite liberal.

Original poster
Cherchezlaspice · 21/09/2022 09:48

HappyPeach · 21/09/2022 08:02

In my entire life, I've never met anyone who uses 'Ms.' I try to avoid using anything at all.

May I ask how old you are and where you live, please?

OP posts:
Original poster
Cherchezlaspice · 21/09/2022 09:59

Gymrabbit · 21/09/2022 09:36

I said Yabu but I obviously you are not unreasonable for using the title you prefer. However I think it’s weird that you only know people who use Ms and that some other posters have said they do too.
everyone I know uses Miss or Mrs according to their marital status and in schools I have worked in (where a list of titles is normally given out) I would say only 1 or 2 of the 70 or so female staff use Ms.
I was listed as MX (an error) on a list once and everyone suspected I was a transwoman for a while.

So, what is it you think I’m being unreasonable about, exactly?

And you think it’s ‘weird’ that some people have different lives, experiences and acquaintances to you? I find the differences interesting, personally.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cherchezlaspice · 21/09/2022 10:01

SocksAndTheCity · 21/09/2022 09:36

I'm Miss and have been almost fifty years, bar the odd occasion when ordering something from Fortnum's or Liberty when I have variously been Brigadier, Viscountess, Wing Commander and (more usually) just 'Mme'.

I actually quite like 'Mme' 😀

😂😂😂

When forms don’t have ‘Ms’, I have variously been a Rear Admiral or a Reverend, or something else fun. Mix it up and keep it interesting.

OP posts:
QuantumWeatherButterfly · 21/09/2022 10:05

I am a Mrs., and I changed my name when I married. I become more feminist as get older, but I could never get worked up about names. DH didn't care, it was my choice alone. To me, the choice is the important thing.

I'm now in my late-40s, and if I had never married I would absolutely be using Ms by now, just because I'd feel a bit silly using Miss. That said, I don't know many people who use Ms. Most of them are teachers, which has got me wondering whether it's that I genuinely don't know any, or that I just wouldn't really know if someone did use Ms - it isn't something I often see written down, and most introductions are done on first name basis. Titles don't really get used between friends, and at work (for instance on email signatures) the convention is just forename-surname.

WhatIsThisPlease · 21/09/2022 10:06

I'm 48, live in West Yorkshire.

I was a miss until I got married then a Mrs. I changed back to my maiden name when I got divorced and now I'm a Miss again.

Don't like Ms and never even heard of Mx, let alone seen it used anywhere!

DillDanding · 21/09/2022 10:09

I am 51 and have been Mrs for 27 years.

I know only one Ms, she’s 37 and divorced.

ChaosMoon · 21/09/2022 10:12

I'm Mrs and I'm under 40. I wish I'd kept with Ms, but DH changed his name to mine and I felt that I should do something... Not sure why as he was quite happy either way. Subconscious, internalised patriarchal values, I suppose. Sigh.

How are you supposed to pronounce Mx?
I live in London, professional life, friends are all Ms, or kept their own names, but I've never come across it.

WimpoleHat · 21/09/2022 10:14

SocksAndTheCity · 21/09/2022 09:36

I'm Miss and have been almost fifty years, bar the odd occasion when ordering something from Fortnum's or Liberty when I have variously been Brigadier, Viscountess, Wing Commander and (more usually) just 'Mme'.

I actually quite like 'Mme' 😀

Yes! The Fortnum & Mason website and their list of possible titles. It is quite mind blowing; almost an education in itself. I like the idea of Mme too - I might steal this one. (Mind you, I’m getting to the age where I was rather chuffed to be addressed as “Miss” by a young chap the other day….)

MrsNowAndAlways · 21/09/2022 10:14

I've been a Mrs since I was 24 (now 40) through 2 marriages. I don't know a single person who goes by Ms, and only Miss if they're unmarried. Every one of my friends changed their name upon getting married too.

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