Miss, Mrs, Ms or Mx?

[Cherchezlaspice]

Which are you? I’m a Ms, and have been since I was about 8 years old. I didn’t change my title (or my name) when I got married and this caused some consternation amongst some of the older members of my family.

This made me realise that most women I know (married or unmarried) use Ms. I don’t think I’ve come across anyone under the age of about 50 who uses ‘Miss’ or ‘Mrs’. And I’ve never encountered a ‘Mx’. I do have a fairly specific demographic bubble, though.

So, I’m curious, which are you/do you use?

Agree, I find it bizarre when people claim they’ve never heard Ms or only heard it from divorcees. Do they just not know very many people? Ms has been in use since the 17th century as a contraction for Mistress just like Mrs and Miss (which didn’t come to designate marital status until about 1800), and the earliest usage of Ms in the modern sense, to refer to a woman whose marital status was unknown or who did not wish to declare her marital status, was recorded around 1900. We’re hardly talking about some kind of third wave feminist new-fangled terminology here.

Yes, indeed. My mother’s headstone actually says First name maiden name, beloved wife of dad’s first name surname. Lots of the headstones have the same format used, in fact the stonemason told us it was the norm.

So do people wear a ring to show that they are married?

It has been known, yes.

The thought of being a Mrs is a bit cringe to me. It would make me feel old and matronly.

My family would probably think I'm odd remaining a Ms after marriage but I don't care!

I don't give a fuck about being 'judged/pigeonholed' and I have far more important things to give my headspace to. I have been Miss for my entire life, and it has never crossed my mind to change it.

In real life and as a few PP have said, it's only really for form filling anyway; at work I am just 'Socks AndTheCity' and if anybody asked whether I was married I would consider it extremely inappropriate and change the subject.

Does anyone remember a teen magazine in the Eighties called "Mizz"? It was aimed at the Just 17/Jackie sort of age bracket. I think it was meant to appeal to the idea of growing out of "Miss" and moving on to "Ms" as young single woman's title.

That's certainly what I did.

These days I use two names interchangaeably, and have ID and bank accounts in both- Ms Birth Surname (I don't like the term "maiden name") and Mrs DHsurname.

I use Mrs with DH's surname because I didn't get married until I was 40 and I quite liked the novelty of it, plus his name is much more interesting than mine. People think I do it to have the same name as DS but I know loads of Mums who have not taken their husbands' names and it's really no big deal, schools and GPs can cope!

However most of my old papers (passport, tax, own bank account, ownership of my flat) are in Ms Birth Surname and I just continue using that. To my mind it would be incorrect to call myself Mrs Birth Surname because I think that "Mrs" plus use of the husband's name need to go hand-in-hand. "Mrs Birth Surname" is my Mum!

I started using Ms as a child and still do. I'm also a Dr now as I have a PhD, so I use that in formal situations, and Ms the rest of the time.

My marital status is no one's business.

People think I do it to have the same name as DS but I know loads of Mums who have not taken their husbands' names and it's really no big deal, schools and GPs can cope!

Or perhaps their children have their mum's surname.

It's funny how half of the women who take their husband's names do it because 'his name is more interesting and mine is really boring', and the other half do it because 'his name is easier to spell and mine is weird'.

I have used Ms since I knew it was an option. I am married.

I didn’t think people still thought Ms was only for divorced women - outdated and stupid. And unless you live in some extreme religious enclave I suspect it’s more that you’ve never had to ask about using a title than ‘knowing’ everyone used Mrs.

@BloodAndFire the women I was talking about have a different surname to their children but I take your point that of course there is no law that says a child has to be given its father's name.

I'm a Mrs, but I wouldn't mind if the law changed so that everyone was either Mrs/Ms all their life or Mr as I believe they have done in France, everyone is Mme or Mr. and they have scrapped Melle.

Yep, far from it. Babies are automatically registered when born in hospital as infant [mother's surname] so it's an active decision to give the baby a different name when formally registered. Always an odd decision I think. I also know quite a few couples who have done it.

@BloodandFire

Yep, far from it. Babies are automatically registered when born in hospital as infant [mother's surname] so it's an active decision to give the baby a different name when formally registered. Always an odd decision I think. I also know quite a few couples who have done it.

Do you mean that you think it is a bizarre decision to give a child it's father's surname? I think it is still what the majority do in the U.K.

I found my son's "baby MyBirthSurname" hospital bracelet and papers the other day actually, and it didn't feel like him at all. That was just our personal family decision though, nothing to do with societal expectations.

Oh yes absolutely it is what the majority do, the vast majority do it without thinking about it. My in-laws assumed that our kids would have my husband's surname - we weren't even married yet.

Even those friends of mine who are quite non-traditional in other ways, and who weren't married or who kept their own names, tended to give their children the father's surname.

I hope that will start to change in the future.

.... and join the Tooting Popular Front. "Power to the People".

Happy days 😊

I'm a Mx!

To add - I use Mx because it's gender neutral and doesn't indicate marital status.

I'm a cis woman, but just dislike Miss being single, Mrs married or Ms being assured to be divorced or spinster.

Ms always. Single and married. Did not change my name, didn’t even consider it (nor to be fair did DH). Kids know well who their mother is !

Ms. When I see Mrs all I think about is the possessive: Mr's

Same reason I dont wear a ring and didnt have a wedding. I was Ms before I was married and I am Ms afterward. I'm not declaring my martial 'status' as it literally means nothing apart from legal entitlements. I dont shout about my will or joint account, I dont want to shout about my marital status.

Ooh look, here's a Mx. I have always been MS in real life, I'm 60 and in my friendship groups, most women married use Ms whether they changed their name on marriage or not.

I added Mx to my user name after an almost identical thread on here and I mentioned that having a DBS check done involves having to enter a title and the system assumes that if you enter MS that you are divorced, and that you changed your name on marriage. I did not change my name and was caught in a loop of having to give my previous name when I'd never had one, simply because I had ticked the Ms box on the form- clearly the form builder thought that only divorced women use Ms. since then, just to wind up these systems I have used Mx.

Titles are unnecessary, letters can be addressed to me by my name or first initial- it's time we dropped titles completely unless it denotes a professional qualification such as Doctor.

If anyone is questioning if they are pronouncing things correctly, I just found this.

Oddly compelling. 😂

First marriage I didn't change my name as I hated his surname and I was known professionally by my original name.

I did legally change surname for my second marriage to have the same surname as DS on my passport. I felt like a baby smuggler when questioned about it prior to changing. That was 18 years ago.

Still use my original surname sometimes and have a bank account in that name. Am a Mrs but feel like I've been subjugated after reading this thread. Or at least must appear misguided and ancient to all the Ms out there.

I find this assumption very strange. Why, by making a big deal about wanting to be called Ms, would you assume they were divorced? If anything, the assumption that they are feminists would be a more natural one!

Always Ms since a teenager. Regardless of marital status. It's so dated to think it relates to divorce.

I've just happened upon an article which may interest some here, about the historical of Mrs, Miss and Ms in this country. TL:DR until about 1900, "Mrs" was a marker of social status and did not indicate marital status.

newrepublic.com/article/119432/history-female-titles-mistress-miss-mrs-or-ms

That’s very interesting. Thanks for sharing!