Miss, Mrs, Ms or Mx?

[Cherchezlaspice]

Which are you? I’m a Ms, and have been since I was about 8 years old. I didn’t change my title (or my name) when I got married and this caused some consternation amongst some of the older members of my family.

This made me realise that most women I know (married or unmarried) use Ms. I don’t think I’ve come across anyone under the age of about 50 who uses ‘Miss’ or ‘Mrs’. And I’ve never encountered a ‘Mx’. I do have a fairly specific demographic bubble, though.

So, I’m curious, which are you/do you use?

Ms until I was married and then Mrs.

Never liked Miss, it’s always seemed a bit babyish to me.

So people you would note consider friends, you've never once asked them about themselves or anything like that?
If I had a new friend and I asked them if they were married and they said why, I would think they were quite rude. It's just conversation. Like what do you do for a job? Have you got kids? What do you do at the weekend? That kind of thing.

Miss here, will use Mrs when I get married - I'm 28

As I’ve stated, Mx is a gender neutral honorific. So, yes, if non binary people are using an honorific, that’s the one they’ll use. This does not mean that its usage is or should be limited to them.

The rest of your comment has nothing to do with this thread or anything I've said.

For me, it isn’t about wanting to keep my relationship status secret, it is the principle that traditionally for women, their relationship status determines their title.

Lots of things could determine title, and apply equally to both sexes. But most would be totally unacceptable.

Imagine a system in which your title changed to ‘householder’ when you bought, rather than rented a property. Or titles changed to Mother Smith or Father Jones on the birth or adoption of a child. Both are significant changes, legally and personally in our lives, but I doubt anyone would want to make them the basis of part of our names in the way that ‘Miss / Mrs’ is used to denote the status of a woman.

I didn't always. I haven't been married for the whole duration of my professional career.

I continued to wear my ring for many years when I was widowed.
I know plenty who don't wear a ring

Mrs. Have been since I got married at 26. Was a miss before.

31 now for context

So people you would note consider friends, you've never once asked them about themselves or anything like that?

If I had a new friend and I asked them if they were married and they said why, I would think they were quite rude. It's just conversation. Like what do you do for a job? Have you got kids? What do you do at the weekend? That kind of thing.

Where do you get that from? Yes, of course I ask them about themselves. As far as small talk is concerned there are endless topics to choose from. What their interests are, what things matter to them, where they like to travel, what they like to read, how life is panning out after all the WFH restrictions, what kind of work they do, blah blah ad nauseam.

I do not ask people personal questions; especially 'new' friends who by definition I barely know. As someone who struggled with my own fertility for nearly a decade, I certainly don't ask whether they have children. If they were so inclined to divulge that information and felt that they wanted to tell me, they would do so.

I've had a daughter and all her letters come as Miss, interested to know how some of you were ms from birth? I've also been miss always and then mrs after marriage. I only ever come across older woman in the 50s above as ms and assumed they are divorced as they make it a big deal that they are ms

Oh for goodness sake, thinking "Ms" is only for divorcees hasn't been mainstream for decades. Have you been living under a rock?

Bollocks. I'm Scottish and know scores of women who use "Ms". You probably do too, but just hear "Miss" when they say it and never see it written down.

If I had a new friend and I asked them if they were married and they said why, I would think they were quite rude. It's just conversation.

The question would put me in an odd position because I'd have to state that I had a partner but was marriage-free and this is always awkward and usually causes a duck's bum effect on the asker's face. Plus, the usual inference is that 'married is better', or if the women says 'yes' she's somehow seen as safe, acceptable, successful and if she says 'no' she's seen as a potential threat, unacceptable and a bit of a sad fuck.

My marital status is certainly not a secret, but neither is my husband’s. My marital status is relevant exactly as often, in the exact same contexts and to the exact same extent as my husband’s marital status is relevant.
So, why should mine be announced in my title and not his?

If I were to be chatting with people and it came up, I’d be happy to acknowledge I was married. As would my husband. So, again, why should my marital status be announced in my title and not his?

Online companies need to know how to address people and should provide options that allow people to express their preferences. These include ‘Ms’ (which has been fairly mainstream since the 90’s) and the use of no honorific at all (for which there is a growing preference). Nobody is complaining about being asked what they prefer, they’re complaining about the options between which they’re being forced to choose.

If women want to call themselves Ms, Miss, Mrs, Mx or any honorific, they should be free to do so.

I always imagine this conversation

Nosy person: "Are you married".
Me: "Nope, are you?"
Nosy Person: "Oh yes, I have been married for ten years" (tinkly laugh)
Me: "Oh, I am sorry to hear that!"

If women want to call themselves Ms, Miss, Mrs, Mx or any honorific, they should be free to do so.

They are.
That's the point of having a choice

WTF? You ignore people who address you by a neutral female tile? Or don't reply to correspondence addressed to "Ms"?

You actually find it OFFENSIVE that someone might address you without giving a shit about your marital status? How truly bizarre.

I'm very rarely addressed using a title. Mostly it's my first name or nothing. Maybe it depends on where you work? I'm curious where people are addressed with their title.

On forms, when asked for a title, I put Dr (have a PhD) or Ms. I haven't taken on dh's surname but sometimes tradespeople address me as Mrs DhSurname and I don't correct them.

Very well expressed OP!!

Titles are pointless. I'm a Ms but probably most people I know don't know that, family seem to think I'm a Mrs dh-name going by cards rather than a ms my-name. I can't be arsed to correct them.

I think we should either stop using titles entirely or require men to use Umr and Mmr for married-Mr and unmarried-Mr.

I can't understand why women want to use Miss and Mrs so they can be judged/pigeonholed, but there you are. All the teachers at my DC school use miss or Mrs. Shrug.

When my Dad filled out forms for me, I presume he put me down as ‘Ms’. Most stuff is automated, it’ll use the title you select. For personal stuff, my extended family is respectful (phenomenally so, by MN standards) and will use the title that you ask them to on the occasions that it’s necessary.

I don’t think I got that much correspondence as a child, to be fair.

I'm firmly under 50 and a Mrs. But I don't actually give a shit how somebody addresses me as long as my actual name is correct.

I'm married but I don't wear a ring (not a Christian wedding). So do people wear a ring to show that they are married?

Sometimes they are and sometimes the forms don’t contain some of those. Which is when the women in question complain.

This was clearly expressed in the sentence immediately prior to the one you quoted.