To be on the deeds of the house

[Unicornetto]

We aren't married but should I have my name on the deeds of the house?

Me and my partner have been together for 15 years and bought our first house 5 years ago. The house is in my partners name as I had no income at the time as we had just had a baby. I have had various part time jobs to fit in around the children over the last few years and haven't contributed to the mortgage just the food shopping and clothes etc for kids.

He has just remortgaged and I've been asked to sign the 'declaration of no interest' (I did this before) but I'm wondering if I should be on the deeds as we're not married? Is this possible if I don't pay the mortgage and I'm not on the mortgage? He said he doesn't believe in marriage, even though I do and says he's happy as we are. I'm just worried that I have no financial stability, which is due to giving up my full time job to raise our family. I asked him if its possible for me to go on the deeds and he said no as I'm not on the mortgage and gets really annoyed with me for asking. Just wondering what other unmarried couples have done in this situation?

You can change this ownership post mortgage

Get a will
Get a life cover

Also as you aren't married there may be hit issues or the house going to other family on his death

Here's some info on registering an interest in the property

www.stephensons.co.uk/site/blog/consumer-law-blog/registering_your_interest_in_a_property

I hope it doesn't come to this. He should willingly put you on the mortgage and deeds.

If he's not paying for food/kids. Then you ARE paying a financial contribution indirectly to the mortgage. Could this be deliberate?

Is there more to this story? Is he generally financially abusive? Do you have a pension ? Do you have similar disposable income? A joint account? Joint saving? Or has he carefully kept you dependent on him?

As a cohabitant with no ownership they can’t do this and the pp saying claim under childrens act this is unlikely to work unless they are wealthy as he needs to house himself with what he has. As he is working two jobs it’s unlikely they are wealthy. She’d just get child maintenance like nearly everyone else. Which is a tiny fraction usually of what It costs to raise kids.

You’d have to remo? There’s no sense in doing it post mortgage completion.

This is costly and will most likely end up in court. OP should address this now.

He knows exactly what he's doing. He could leave you homeless. If he dies tomorrow and has no will you still won't get the house. You and your kids have nothing, and as you've given up work, no way to get out of this hole. Of course he's happy not married. He's got a live in cleaner, shackled by a child, who won't leave because she's nowhere to go.

Too many women fall for this.

You're getting a hard time OP because you have been naïve and a lot of us despair at hearing this same story time and time again, of women screwing themselves financially without realising it.

I would speak to him and say that you need to be married. Quick trip to the registry office to just do it legally, you don't need a wedding. If he won't, and he won't put you on the deeds to the house either then that tells you very clearly that he knows what he's doing and he's happy to leave you extremely vulnerable. If he loves you and cares about you, he'll either get married or get your name on that house. Ideally both.

Excellent advice.

The house is mortgaged. She can’t afford it even if he dies and leaves it to her and there will be little to no equity likely. And she’s specifically said she doesn’t want to work full time and likes that he pays for nearly everything.

I’ve no idea why folks are havering on about her getting the house if he dies. She clearly can’t afford it. So it would be pointless anyway.

He may have life insurance to pay off mortgage if he dies. He might have left house to someone other than Op in his will though (and can of course change will as he wishes without telling her) or if no will she doesn’t inherit under intestacy.

He might..I’m guessing likely not. The op can clarify.

i would hate to be in such a vulnerable position, I wouldn’t be in this situation without having financial protection. You’d be left with nothing.

OP said they have life insurance. Fingers crossed she is the beneficiary.

I would also recommend you look into critical illness cover OP. I was a SAHM and now work PT...no way could I afford the mortgage on my own if my husband got ill.

If he cares for you he will want to make sure that you and your children are protected.
That means, in your situation, marriage.
It is as black and white as that.
Of course, you can't make him but there will be a bit of cold comfort in knowing that you've been had rather than being an unknowing fool.

These threads should be pinned as "awful warnings"

Do you have a family car? Who is named on the paperwork for that?
I ask because I wonder if his grabbing attitude extends to all assets.

Well your dp seems to be managing this just fine. Because he has you around to do it for him for nothing. Think about that properly.

It always amazes me how many men don’t believe in marriage but they have no issues with their dp’s taking on the traditional ‘wife’ role (at their own expense, of course). If he values you at all he will show you by ensuring that you are secure and will benefit from the sacrifices you have made.

Sadly I have a feeling that he won’t be too keen to do this though.

Hi OP, I sympathise with you more than you know.

If you’re able to, I would like to know a bit more about your situation before children.

I think a couple of posters blaming you, actively telling you that “you are to blame” is a destructive and utterly appalling attitude.

It’s an easy world where others’ decisions are so black and white. Life isn’t like that. People are conditioned by what they learn to accept as normal.

Having people be critical and blame, is likely to be why you are in this position.

It would be more encouraging to let the poster know that she has some agency on this.

Surely we want to help you resolve this.

I would like to add, if you have parents, family, friends, are they aware of this situation?

Did your parents ever have you both to stay to save for a deposit?

I’m sure having you at home as a sounding board with your time set aside to listen and help facilitate him has helped him tremendously in his career.

What duties does he have at home that make you feel that you are a team with household management and childcare?

OP has fucked off. People are being ‘critical’ because this ridiculous scenario comes up so frequently it’s shocking how little thought and planning people put in to their and their kids security and futures. Allowing boyfriends to leave them so vulnerable, just passively sitting back and having zero legal protections.

Life insurance won't help if he decides to leave her

How do you know she has ‘fucked off’? More like she is feeling vulnerable and worthless, attitudes such as yours are horrendously critical.

Are you aware of quite how cruel you sound? And FloweringFlora is doing the same to her.

By blaming you aren’t, awaking her to her situation, it’s more likely she will bury her head in the sand for another decade.

The OP could be travelling back from errands, helping someone or now feel asking for help is futile now and has been scared off.

Perhaps you have been more fortunate in life, economicervix? Some people can become assertive and ask for help early on, others feel a huge sense of shame and guilt at their situation already.

Sometimes a person can be yearning to speak up but can find themselves terribly trapped financially. Then they fear being unable to afford anything and emotionally abandoned.

If they try to address it they face such a difficult attitude that they put it off and off.

It can happen bit by bit, the slow boiled frog analogy.

Try to be a bit more understanding. It takes courage to post a question on here.

Because she never returned to the thread 🥴
What are you wittering on about? OP chose her lifestyle. I chose mine. You chose yours. That’s how it works. Her choice was poorly thought out and she has chosen to be financially and housing vulnerable. She needs to rectify this and make better choices. This is obvious. Her reply said she thought it was fine until now, so doesn’t sound like she’s been agonising over her choices like you describe. 😄

And yes, I made choices in my adult life to have legal protection. ☺️

But ecomomicervix, I do think some people just don't know this stuff. Whether that's because of their upbringing, their parents' circumstances or wider societal influence (i.e. getting pregnant unmarried is ok and it's "just a bit of paper" anyway)

I honestly think some people are ignorant of the facts.