To be on the deeds of the house

[Unicornetto]

We aren't married but should I have my name on the deeds of the house?

Me and my partner have been together for 15 years and bought our first house 5 years ago. The house is in my partners name as I had no income at the time as we had just had a baby. I have had various part time jobs to fit in around the children over the last few years and haven't contributed to the mortgage just the food shopping and clothes etc for kids.

He has just remortgaged and I've been asked to sign the 'declaration of no interest' (I did this before) but I'm wondering if I should be on the deeds as we're not married? Is this possible if I don't pay the mortgage and I'm not on the mortgage? He said he doesn't believe in marriage, even though I do and says he's happy as we are. I'm just worried that I have no financial stability, which is due to giving up my full time job to raise our family. I asked him if its possible for me to go on the deeds and he said no as I'm not on the mortgage and gets really annoyed with me for asking. Just wondering what other unmarried couples have done in this situation?

I didn’t think women would fall for this. It sounds like something out of the 1950s. Get your name on the house deeds and also make joint wills. Make sure if he has any life insurance that you’re the beneficiary. Same with any entitlements through his job.

In short, make the legal position the same as if you WERE married.

Get it sorted for yourself and your children. You do realise if he was killed in a car crash that you could be homeless with no income? If you broke up, you might get just a few £k, not enough to buy a house or to live on.

“One would hope that OP is named on his pension as the death in service nominee.”

Possibly, as that’s money he wouldn’t be around to see her “taking” from him, which seems to be the attitude to the house. But - that type of death in service tends to come with DB pensions not DC (though there are exceptions I know). So there might not be anything to be named on 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Unicornetto please at least tell us there’s a life insurance policy in place in your favour?

That’s 2 of us in a row talking life insurance 😁

@Unicornetto all the while that you’re arguing with him over the house, as an absolute bloody minimum make sure you have a hefty life insurance policy. Won’t help if you want to leave him, or he leaves you. But at least covers one issue.

I hope you can get this sorted.

You have bought clothes and food for years.

He's bought a house and presumably a pension.

Disgusting.

Tell him that's fine, you need to financially protect yourself so your kids have a home if you split. So you will be going back to work, and once you've taken the financial hit of childcare for the first few years, he can take the financial hit now and arrange wraparound care and do everything around the house while you concentrate on building your career and putting your earnings towards an investment property.

Seriously you're meant to be a partnership, you've given up your financial security to take on his share of childcare as well as yours...and he is keeping all the financial security to himself.

how is leaving him going to help her?

You are incredibly vulnerable Op. You split maybe in 20 years time he has a house you have nothing. He dies - who has he left house to in his will?
You are legally single and need to act accordingly to protect your interests.
CAB has a good guide to cohabitation v marriage.

?? What do you mean?

Yes we have life insurance policies 😀

The amount of women on this site that believe because they have no income thru can’t be party to a mortgage is outrageous. This should be taught in PSHE classes in school with other financial stuff.

Of course you should be on the mortgage. My husband is on our mortgage despite not earning anything for the better part of a decade, he wasn’t at first as his divorce wasn’t quite complete, but 17-odd years later and that’s obviously not an issue.

You will find it trickier as you’re self employed for less than 2 years, but if his income is enough then you just don’t declare your income.

It’s a common trap that women pay for ‘donkey work’ eg children’s clothes, food etc and men pay for assets.
So if you split age 50 he’s got a house worth £300,000 and a nice pension and unmarried woman has absolutely nothing. You paying for donkey work has enabled him to pay lots of his mortgage and into his pension.

She means you have covered all the cost of clothing and looking after your children, while your partner has been feathering his retirement nest.

If you split up tomorrow, you’d be in a very precarious position.

You say that you both bought a house so why didn’t you insist at the time on putting your name on it
People here seem to think that if your name is on the house that you automatically get half -you would only get a portion if not married not half as he paid for all of it
Some people don’t want to get married because they don’t believe in It it does come from religion but I suspect that he doesn’t want to pass anything down to you. If your relationship is great then you We will both be living in it until you both die and it will pass on to your children.

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-7334313/amp/I-never-felt-marriage-important-day-Paolo-died.html

This brings up issues to think about and address eg immediate access to cash when he dies, enough insurance in place as you won’t get widows allowance etc.

You have one tiny opportunity here to force his hand.

Refuse to sign the deed until he has married you. In fact call him out. Doesn't believe in marriage ? Say that's fine. Let's pop down the registry office and get a civil partnership.

If he refuses you know this is all about him feathering his own nest at your expense.

Go and see a lawyer and see what your chances are of keeping the house under the schedule 1 of the housing act. Then take your muzzle off and bite the greedy selfish lowlife in the arse.

www.familylawpartners.co.uk/blog/a-case-study-how-schedule-1-can-assist-unmarried-parents.

This sums up the various scenarios quite well and also starkly points out how much you have lost by agreeing to have kids without marriage.

If he ‘doesn’t believe’ in marriage why not civil partnership - available to opposite sex couples. £175 in my local registry office.

Doesn’t matter if she does or doesn’t; her position doesn’t change as she is still bound by the previous one she signed.

It’s shocking how many women choose to quit employment and pension contributions to raise the kid of a boyfriend, zero legal protections whatsoever, at risk of homelessness at any time. Do the many who choose this just never bother thinking it through? Can’t understand how it can appeal to anyone (except the boyfriends 😄)

You have put yourself, and your children, in a very precarious position should he decide he wants out.

Working and paying for childcare is hard work but many have to do it. That's where tax free childcare and holiday clubs come in if you don't have family support to help out.

There is no reason whatsoever that you can't be on the mortgage or deeds, esp if you're using a FA who will know which lenders to approach for the best deals for your circs.

Raising children should be a team effort - not just you losing everything to raise them, and earning a pittance when you can, while he earns good money and holds all the cards. He needs to pitch in with holiday cover etc.

Good news that you have life insurance. How much for? If you don’t know - you should.

It is telling that he doesn’t want to marry you, and also doesn’t want you on the mortgage/deeds.

Why make you sign that you “have no interest” in the house. If you split, I’m sure you would be hoping for a share in the house really? So why would you sign that you don’t.

He is saying a lot of things about your relationship, without saying very much. Please be careful x

The document is a requirement from the lender not him... if they ever have to repossess it.

Thank you

With all due respect to that poster, please don’t wimp out of pushing your point with him because you think Schedule 1 is a magic charm. It really isn’t.

It’s not that I think that poster is suggesting it is a magic charm! Just that I think you might cling to it unrealistically to avoid hard conversations.