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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about the hamster

132 replies

OhMondayMonday · 20/09/2022 14:58

DS’s birthday coming up and he’s been asking for a kitten. We’ve said no for various reasons.

DH leaves all the birthday planning (parties, presents, cake etc) to me. Same for Xmas. I generally do it all without his input and he thanks me on the day. This morning he called from work and i mentioned DS was talking about kittens again and that i might pop out and get a hamster. I’d mentioned it a couple of times in recent weeks. He did not object, didn’t even comment. It was a quick chat. I have popped out, bought hamster and he is set up at home. Sent DH a picture.

DH has gone apoplectic. Has demanded I get rid of it before kids see it. Absolutely doesn’t want it in house. Furious I did not consult him. His explanation is he hates hamsters.

I have apologised saying i had no idea he felt like this and asked him to reconsider. I’ve let him know I can’t get rid of hamster today.

It’s very cute and we can give it a happy home. DH does not need to go near it. Kids love animals and are at the age where they can learn about taking responsibility etc…under my supervision. We can afford it so that’s not an issue. DS will have no present for his birthday tomorrow if DH insists hamster goes.

Aibu for insisting hamster stays?

OP posts:
bumbledeedum · 20/09/2022 21:28

Poor hamster. Poor DS.

Beautifulsunflowers · 20/09/2022 21:29

Oh op - this is very sad - I feel for the poor furry fella who thinks he has a forever home, I feel for your lovely ds who sounds super fabulous not expecting a big birthday gift and understanding he can’t have a kitten and I feel for you with a shouty dh who is going to disappoint his ds and ultimately make you feel bad.
Keep the hamster / Ditch the dh!

cavia · 20/09/2022 21:34

Sorry to read this OP. Hope he comes round x

IdiotCreatures · 20/09/2022 21:34

What would happen if you didn't change the plan and gifted ds the hamster?
Would she go completely barmy and make your DS sad by telling him he couldn't keep it?
Not suggesting you do this but as a hypothetical?

IdiotCreatures · 20/09/2022 21:34

DH not she!!

GreenManalishi · 20/09/2022 21:35

Maybe you should have got the decision ratified?

Shit rodent mumjokes aside, is this out of character for your DH, are you usually a citizen in a dictatorship?!

Butterflymosaic · 20/09/2022 21:36

Our sweet little hamster gives us so much more attention and joy than our absolute standoffish bitch of a cat 🤣

ThreeLocusts · 20/09/2022 21:37

Hi OP, we too got a hamster in place of a cat -- 18 months down the line we got a cat anyway, who now has to be kept carefully away from the hamster... at all stages, DH was the main obstacle to overcome.

It's sad I think mostly because it's just so baffling why charming furry creatures should produce such negative reactions. It does make me think less of DH, if I'm honest.

He's getting better at not being grouchy around the animals - I think he's starting to like them really - but of course the professed dislike is also a great reason not to get involved in their care...

So I've got no real advice, more of a warning that you're at the start of a long story there.

KylieCharlene · 20/09/2022 21:42

I think he's scared of it but doesn't want to admit it so is causing this huge baloo instead.

Butterflymosaic · 20/09/2022 21:46

Our friendly little lady ❤️ Agree to LTB and KTH but also a bigger cage for them when you can. They love burrowing and nesting. Ours is litter trained, you can get a small corner litter tray and train them! It really helps with the smell and means we don’t have to disturb her lovely nest each week.

AIBU about the hamster
RedRosie · 20/09/2022 21:48

No advice. Some sympathy. I had a hamster (and many other pets) growing up and loved him. However, my feelings have changed as an adult and I now feel very ambivalent about keeping pets (any pet) in cages.

Do you know what's at the bottom of your DH's issue? Is it a feeling like that? Perhaps he's afraid of small furries and doesn't want to say that?

CaptainBarbosa · 20/09/2022 21:58

Ah my late husband used to come home with all sorts of animals 😂

The worst being a puppy from the pub/mess 🤦🏻‍♀️🤯

Came through the front door pissed as a fart in his uniform and shoved a puppy in my face and slurred "I got the boy a puppy, he likes dogs" referring to our then 4 year old DS.

I went apoplectic demanded the dog go in the kitchen for the night, and that DH could sleep there with it.

I came down the following morning and saw him curled up on a duvet, he looked up at me with puppy dog eyes, late husband had put said duvet down for him as a makeshift bed, and said husband was curled up next to the puppy because I'd demanded he wasn't allowed up to bed with me for his infraction, and fell in love with him (the dog not the husband, I just booted the husband and said wake up) .

Spent the rest of the day cuddling said puppy who is now a giant mastiff crossbreed snoozing on my living room floor as I type 😂

Any chance the husband will cool off about the hamster and be ok in the morning?

IrisVersicolor · 20/09/2022 22:07

1 Hamsters are great pets 2. That’s a particularly sweet hamster.

I am super disappointed you didn’t read your absurd DH the riot act.

Purplestorm83 · 20/09/2022 22:27

DH is either an utter arse or properly phobic. If this is out of character I was say the latter - I am dog phobic and would potentially react in a similar way (had to massively hand myself a grip when a close family member got a dog and we don’t even live together!).

sydenhamhiller · 20/09/2022 22:34

Aw, it’s a hard call.

We have 3 kids 18, 16, 10.

Over the years we have had 1 cat; then 2 cats; then 2 cats and a hamster; 2 cats, hamster and puppy… then hamster died. Then 1 cat died. Then we got an another cat. And then all my 10 year old
wanted was a hamster (despite having 2 cats and a dog), and we have had Clemmie for 3 months and we love LOVE her. It’s not ‘just a rodent’ she is a little personality, just as our first hamster was.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 20/09/2022 22:36

He must be terrified of it. There's no other explanation for why he's so aggressive about it.

My ex never admitted he was scared of snakes. The first I knew of it was when I turned around and saw he'd run 500 yards in about 3 seconds to get away from a four inch long slowworm. He still never admitted it, though.

ThinWomansBrain · 20/09/2022 22:45

He is very cuter- given the choice between cute hamster and weird "D"H, I'd be sticking with the cute hamster.

Original poster
OhMondayMonday · 20/09/2022 22:54

I agree with the posters who suggest he’s terrified of it. I suspect this going by his extreme reaction which is out of character. I just wish he’d admit this if that’s the case. That said we’ve had mice infestations in the past and he hasn’t seemed freaked out by them.

Ive taken on board the comments about the cage size, thanks. I’ll bear this in mind regardless of outcomes. I did buy the biggest one they had on sale.

I’ve just been up and opened the cage to fiddle with the wheel as I wasn’t sure it was fixed on properly and he was all over me! A proper sociable little thing. All biz. So I’m now feeling more gutted.

OP posts:
Original poster
OhMondayMonday · 20/09/2022 22:55

Thank you for all the kind posts and hammy pics. They’ve kept me going this evening.

OP posts:
Dreamwhisper · 20/09/2022 23:08

If cared for properly, while hamsters of course aren't as intelligent as cats or dogs, they can make really lovely sweet and handle-able pets. It's only when they are kept in unsuitable conditions and left unhandled and unsocialised that they become grumpy, timid, cage aggressive etc.

As a child I really wanted a horse, my mum said I could get a hamster instead and I was THRILLED. It has ignited a life long passion for small pets. He won't necessarily be disappointed at all, I reckon any young child presented with their own pet will be thrilled. It may not be a kitten but it's hardly a tarantula!

NeckFanInSoftPlay · 20/09/2022 23:09

If you live in north or West Yorkshire, I'll happily take your hamster?

Original poster
OhMondayMonday · 20/09/2022 23:31

NeckFanInSoftPlay · 20/09/2022 23:09

If you live in north or West Yorkshire, I'll happily take your hamster?

Thank you very much, but sadly you are a bit too far away.

OP posts:
PinkiOcelot · 20/09/2022 23:41

Our little nightmare!!

Seems like a huge over reaction from your DH. Poor little soul.

AIBU about the hamster
neondino · 21/09/2022 00:41

That fluff is really dangerous for them, it can impact their cheeks, and if they ingest it, it will kill them. Please use just shredded kitchen roll or paper bedding for them!

Noviembre · 21/09/2022 04:06

I don't think he's afraid at all. If he was, that's what he'd say. 'Going nuclear'? That's abhorrent. I worry very much for the safety of the hamster, and men who hurt animals do so to convey that they will hurt children and spouses.

His reaction is completely out of proportion.