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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about the hamster

132 replies

OhMondayMonday · 20/09/2022 14:58

DS’s birthday coming up and he’s been asking for a kitten. We’ve said no for various reasons.

DH leaves all the birthday planning (parties, presents, cake etc) to me. Same for Xmas. I generally do it all without his input and he thanks me on the day. This morning he called from work and i mentioned DS was talking about kittens again and that i might pop out and get a hamster. I’d mentioned it a couple of times in recent weeks. He did not object, didn’t even comment. It was a quick chat. I have popped out, bought hamster and he is set up at home. Sent DH a picture.

DH has gone apoplectic. Has demanded I get rid of it before kids see it. Absolutely doesn’t want it in house. Furious I did not consult him. His explanation is he hates hamsters.

I have apologised saying i had no idea he felt like this and asked him to reconsider. I’ve let him know I can’t get rid of hamster today.

It’s very cute and we can give it a happy home. DH does not need to go near it. Kids love animals and are at the age where they can learn about taking responsibility etc…under my supervision. We can afford it so that’s not an issue. DS will have no present for his birthday tomorrow if DH insists hamster goes.

Aibu for insisting hamster stays?

OP posts:
Megifer · 20/09/2022 16:51

Tip - get an aquarium type tank if you can or a Really Big Box from b&q and put mesh on the lid (loads of ideas on Pinterest for a set up), your ds will have a great time making and setting up ramps/platforms out of stuff you can buy from pet shops or even better buy a bunch of lollipop sticks from amazon and non-toxic glue....can make some really cool houses and bridges out of them 😊

savemeagin · 20/09/2022 16:54

He should have paid attention to you when you mentioned it but I know my DH lets me ramble with different ideas all the time knowing I'll change my mind 10 mins later. I would hate to have a hamster in my house having been bought one as a little girl in replacement for a dog or rabbit. I didn't want it, cage always needed cleaning, pooed every time I got it out and it made awful noise throughout the night, but you'll know that having had them before. In my eyes - hamsters are rubbish pets.

Clarinet1 · 20/09/2022 18:48

I think he’s gorgeous! In terms of training and taming him, take it slowly - talk to him so he knows your voice(s) and handle him before feeding time so he associates being handled with food - The way to a hamster’s heart is through its stomach! Also, never point a finger at a hamster; With their poor eyesight it’s a sure way to get bitten.
Keep at it and they will get more confident. My last one really would curl up in your hand and go to
sleep!

ghostyslovesheets · 20/09/2022 18:54

He is adorable - he looks like our old hamster - Mr Fluffles Lord of The Dark Underworld - sadly a cat got to him

Keep the hamster - get rid of the DH!

Original poster
OhMondayMonday · 20/09/2022 19:10

thanks for the great advice @Megifer and @Clarinet1

Hamster is hiding out in bedroom which is out of bounds (kids towing the line as they think I have bday stuff to wrap). DH is not home and not answering calls.

OP posts:
Rowgtfc72 · 20/09/2022 19:18

I'm biased as I've always had hamsters. I think kids appreciate them as pets more because they're not cute and fluffy and give back like cats and dogs. Dd learnt looking after a pet is a commitment. We're now about to move on to the cute fluffy type of pet.

I got dd our current hamster for her birthday. Didn't consult dh- he leaves presents to me- and accepted if she got bored it's care would be down to me.

This is my seventh hamster Pickle.

AIBU about the hamster
Cleopatra67 · 20/09/2022 19:20

You’d be much better off with a cat. In the long run they’re less work - if I had my time again I wouldn’t bother with the hamsters/gerbils/Guinea Pigs etc.

WhatsitWiggle · 20/09/2022 19:21

Oh he's a cutie! DD had hamsters from age 7 to 12 when I relented on the cat. We both loved the little rodents, they are such characters. The last one, Oreo the Destroyer, was the funniest but also the most infuriating for nibbling absolutely everything in her cage and I feared she'd get through the cage base at one point. Never bit people though.

Testina · 20/09/2022 19:22

“kid who wants a kitten (predator) doesn’t want a hamster (prey).”

@Remainiac I don’t think many children choose a kitten for its predator status 🤣

Pebblebeach15 · 20/09/2022 19:26

Well Dh does not have to do anything with the hamster . I am sure ds will love him . We have a little Russian hamster . Ds 7 sets up little tunnels and ramps in a huge box for him to play . He spends hours in the pet shop looking for treats and toys . He is adorable and I chat to him everyday and feed him treats by hand . Ds also has a cat who he loves , but comes in to eat , sleep and a quick cuddle before he is off again . I think Ds gets more from the hamster .

Original poster
OhMondayMonday · 20/09/2022 20:47

Well DH came home and went nuclear. Said I had failed to consult him. Admitted hearing me on the phone and said he thought I was joking. I do not have form for joking.

He is too angry to talk about it except to say it must go. I reminded him I’m in the office next 2 days (clients so can’t not go) and so it will be Friday before I can do anything about it. We’ll have to try and hide it from kids in meantime as I don’t want to upset them. Easy to keep them out of my room for an evening but not so much for next 2 days. I’m going to have to set my alarm early as DC2 usually pays me a visit at 530am. Suffice to say DH will take himself to spare room tonight.

He cannot explain his reaction to hamsters. In a bid to try and reconcile or compromise, I apologised again for misjudging his reaction (or lack of it) on the phone this morning, but explained I’ve done all the presents since time began without any consultation process and assumed without any malicious intent a hamster would be welcomed. I spent no more on this present than I would another gift so it’s not like I went completely rogue. He’s not having any of it.

DH Has gone out and I have a cake to bake. Hamster playing happily, being super cute. What a bloody mess.

OP posts:
PolkaDotMankini · 20/09/2022 20:56

That's such a shame OP. Has he sorted out a replacement present for your DS?

I hope you're being gentle with yourself this evening. It's horrible to have your DH overreact.

Remainiac · 20/09/2022 20:58

Testina · 20/09/2022 19:22

“kid who wants a kitten (predator) doesn’t want a hamster (prey).”

@Remainiac I don’t think many children choose a kitten for its predator status 🤣

Not consciously no 🤣, but my point is the kid knows they’re very different types of animal, do different things, reward in different ways.

Augend23 · 20/09/2022 21:06

I'd understand being peeved if it was a dog or a cat, or even a rabbit where you'd have to donate the whole garden to it.

I'd understand being peeved if you naively thought the kids would take full responsibility. Or if you expected him to deal with the hamster.

I'd also understand it if he'd said no or got a plan for a present.

Given none of the above apply, I really don't understand it

Original poster
OhMondayMonday · 20/09/2022 21:07

PolkaDotMankini · 20/09/2022 20:56

That's such a shame OP. Has he sorted out a replacement present for your DS?

I hope you're being gentle with yourself this evening. It's horrible to have your DH overreact.

No he hasn’t got DS anything. I have a few things small saved over I can wrap and to be honest DS isn’t very demanding. He has a treat at weekend to look forward to and will be happy with the promise of a shopping trip. He’s a good kid who deserves this hamster!!

I am making cake and have poured a glass of wine. My lovely sister has offered to house hamster for a few days and see if DH calms down.

OP posts:
harriethoyle · 20/09/2022 21:09

OhMondayMonday · 20/09/2022 20:47

Well DH came home and went nuclear. Said I had failed to consult him. Admitted hearing me on the phone and said he thought I was joking. I do not have form for joking.

He is too angry to talk about it except to say it must go. I reminded him I’m in the office next 2 days (clients so can’t not go) and so it will be Friday before I can do anything about it. We’ll have to try and hide it from kids in meantime as I don’t want to upset them. Easy to keep them out of my room for an evening but not so much for next 2 days. I’m going to have to set my alarm early as DC2 usually pays me a visit at 530am. Suffice to say DH will take himself to spare room tonight.

He cannot explain his reaction to hamsters. In a bid to try and reconcile or compromise, I apologised again for misjudging his reaction (or lack of it) on the phone this morning, but explained I’ve done all the presents since time began without any consultation process and assumed without any malicious intent a hamster would be welcomed. I spent no more on this present than I would another gift so it’s not like I went completely rogue. He’s not having any of it.

DH Has gone out and I have a cake to bake. Hamster playing happily, being super cute. What a bloody mess.

He sounds like he's behaving like an absolute prick. Have at least a bottle of wine 🍷🍷🍷

GiantCheeseMonster · 20/09/2022 21:16

This is not the point of your post I know, but if you keep the hamster and you bought it from PaH the cage will be far too small. They don’t really sell any cages that are humane. You need one that’s at least 100 x 50cm, without plastic tunnels (dangerous as they can get stuck in them), very deep substrate for them to burrow in and a wheel that’s at least 28cm across. This page has good info.
www.hamsterwelfare.com/cage-advice-and-evidence/

TooMinty · 20/09/2022 21:19

Are you sure you don't want to keep the hamster and ditch your husband? He isn't sounding anywhere near as cute at the moment...

I think I'm joking...

SurpriseSurprise · 20/09/2022 21:20

What on earth. The hamster is gorgeous! I love the little characters and I can’t believe how much he’s over reacted.

I’d keep the hamster and make him man of the house!

VictoriaSpongePlease · 20/09/2022 21:22

DD would love a hamster. DH would respond like yours has OP. No advice but he's a cutie and I'd keep him.

gamerchick · 20/09/2022 21:22

Your bloke is a cock OP. I'd give the bairn the hamster and tell husband to grow the fuck up and get involved with the running of the house in future. He's not the king of the castle.

roarfeckingroarr · 20/09/2022 21:24

This is really sad. I really feel for you OP - and for little hamster friend.

WiddlinDiddlin · 20/09/2022 21:24

Ah I see @GiantCheeseMonster beat me to it, but they're right, a hammy requires a HUGE cage for the size of the critter, in the wild they would normally travel around 9km, hunting and looking for lady hamsters or protecting their territory.

They make very poor pets due to being both nocturnal and territorial, so really do not want disturbing during the hours a child is awake! Please, rehome to someone who will provide at least the bare min of 100 x 50 floor space cage and ideally, much much more than that.

Rats make a far better pet, though again they need vast cages and shouldn't be kept alone, they need a group of rats and many people really don't like rats, or the smell (though all the small rodents have their own pong).

WiddlinDiddlin · 20/09/2022 21:25

Oh and your OH is a dick who should do more about his kids birthdays and not leave it down to you AND should bloody well listen to the person he is leaving to sort out the shit he can't be arsed with!

Sunnyqueen · 20/09/2022 21:28

Ignore the negative posters on here op my son has always wanted a kitten but I've always said no, few years ago compromised and got him a hamster and he adored it from the get go. No novelty wear off at all.
Anyway your dh is a dick should have spoken up when he had the chance.