Page 7 | Mrs or Ms after divorce

NewMeforthemillionthtime · 2022-09-20T12:49:21+00:00

Just read another thread about name change and a poster asked whether the op referred to herself as Mrs or Ms. Just wondering about this as I have been divorced for over 10 years and never bothered changing back to my maiden name. My passport, DL bank accounts all say Mrs Married Name. If I was going to go through the effort of reverting back to my maiden name I would probably also go from Mrs to Ms. But honestly, I love my married name so can't see the fuss with changing my title. For clarity, my exH doesn't care and neither does my DP. If you are keeping your married name, have you offiicially changed your title? If so, why?

SweetSenorita · 09/03/2023 13:41

I've always been a 'Miss' whether single, married or divorced.

cherish123 · 09/03/2023 14:23

In Germany, all adult women are now Frau -Mrs and men are Herr- Mr.
I think men and women should be the same - girls-Miss, boys-master, men-Mr and women-mrs. It is very sexist to distinguish between a woman's marital status and not a man's.

seratoninmoonbeams · 09/03/2023 14:36

Blsp · 20/09/2022 14:13

I went back to Miss 🤷🏻‍♀️ and my maiden name.

I'd rather forget the whole thing entirely 🤣🤣

This is what I would do. It should be one version for women anyway as it is with men. It's all so old fashioned.

BigFloppa · 09/03/2023 14:38

I chose to be Miss married name. I didn't like my maiden name so kept the more unusual married name.

Oxo01 · 09/03/2023 15:48

Over 20 years and still using Mrs married name on everything.

MasterBeth · 09/03/2023 15:50

Ms is used precisely to avoid situations like this.

You are Ms before you're married, Ms whle you're married and Ms after you're divorced.

MereDintofPandiculation · 09/03/2023 16:23

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/09/2022 14:57

I've been a Ms. for decades, through two marriages and one divorce. I don't think women disclosing their marital status as a matter of course is a good thing.

I think this is wrong through, My passport, DL bank accounts all say Mrs Married Name. Surely your bank accounts and passport just have your name, not title. When they write to you they'll use one but that's just convention.

My bank accounts all have my title.

CheersForThatEh · 09/03/2023 16:29

babyjellyfish · 09/03/2023 12:56

Why is a woman's marital status anybody else's business?

I mean, I think adopting a married title in the first place is problematic from an equality point of view. Men don't do it.

But say you are a woman in her 50s who got married in her 20s and changed her name and title because it was what everyone did and you didn't think twice about it. You've been known by that name and title, both socially and professionally, for the last 30 years. Longer than you were Miss Birthname.

Then you get divorced.

Why should you have to advertise to all your acquaintances, your colleagues, your professional contacts, your clients etc that you are no longer married? Why is your change in marital status anyone else's business? Why should you have to go through the faff of changing your name on your passport, driving licence, bank account, medical records, store cards etc?

Men don't have to waste a single second of their lives doing this, and neither are they socially pressured into revealing personal information about their current marital status to all and sundry.

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Well that's my point exactly. Why declare being married in the first place with Mrs?

I'm Ms. Have been since a teenager. I'm married and I'm still Ms. I also kept my "maiden" name. The whole ame changing and title thing is outdated.

But using Mrs when you arent married anymore...well you might as well use Dr, Lady, Mr, Lord, Baron, Bishop. You're just as much any of those things. Mrs is a married title. If someone unmarried wants to use it then its factually incorrect so may as well pick any other title.

Adrelaxzz · 09/03/2023 16:31

I am married and used Ms always from aged about 19. No one's business if I'm married. Mrs sounds quite old fashioned to my ears.

nc1013 · 09/03/2023 16:37

Once you're divorced is Miss not an option?

I'm divorced and haven't changed my surname yet...partly the hassle and partly my dc want us to have the same name.

If my dc want the same surname I've assume I could compromise by reverting to Miss but keeping the surname as a family name. Reason I've not done it yet is that it seems a lot of hassle for the title that I never use irl

theleafandnotthetree · 09/03/2023 16:39

Icanstillrecallourlastsummer · 20/09/2022 14:10

I am married but don't like using Mrs. I always pick Ms when I can. I am not, nor should I be, defined by my marital status which is frankly irreleant on the vast majority of cases where you are asked for your titled. Tempted by a phd just so I can call myself Dr.

I have a PhD and never use Dr outside of niche academic settings. And sometimes not even then! As my children remind me, I'm not a REAL doctor 😁

pinkySilver · 09/03/2023 16:49

Ms - why would I want to tell everybody I'm attached to a man, (or not).

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 09/03/2023 17:45

theleafandnotthetree · 09/03/2023 16:39

I have a PhD and never use Dr outside of niche academic settings. And sometimes not even then! As my children remind me, I'm not a REAL doctor 😁

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I never used to. I thought it pretentious and didn't use it outside work for years.

Nowadays I use it for everything as a matter of course. I'm weary of the tedious Miss/Mrs distinction (they usually don't ask if you're Ms), or why I'm expected to justify my separate family name or why it's somehow a conundrum that I'm married and do not use the title 'Mrs'.

Nobody was more surprised than me. Who gives a stuff what I call myself? They just want to tick a box. That would have been my original assumption. But I've received quite a bit of pushback and even open insults - every one from other women. To this day, 15 years on, my MiL refuses to address me by my actual name.

Using your own name upon marriage in 2008 was hardly radical. I assumed this happened as a matter of course - very few of my female colleagues have changed their names - and wasn't expecting it to be in any way controversial. 'Dr' avoids such weirdness and is also nicely androgynous - although it is entertaining when it's often assumed that DH (who is sensible enough not to work in academia and doesn't have a PhD) is the 'Dr' rather than me.

Reminds me of that age-old riddle, 'I can't operate on this boy, he's my son ...'

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 09/03/2023 17:49

Oh. Been done by a zombie thread (again). 💀

babyjellyfish · 09/03/2023 18:06

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 09/03/2023 17:45

I never used to. I thought it pretentious and didn't use it outside work for years.

Nowadays I use it for everything as a matter of course. I'm weary of the tedious Miss/Mrs distinction (they usually don't ask if you're Ms), or why I'm expected to justify my separate family name or why it's somehow a conundrum that I'm married and do not use the title 'Mrs'.

Nobody was more surprised than me. Who gives a stuff what I call myself? They just want to tick a box. That would have been my original assumption. But I've received quite a bit of pushback and even open insults - every one from other women. To this day, 15 years on, my MiL refuses to address me by my actual name.

Using your own name upon marriage in 2008 was hardly radical. I assumed this happened as a matter of course - very few of my female colleagues have changed their names - and wasn't expecting it to be in any way controversial. 'Dr' avoids such weirdness and is also nicely androgynous - although it is entertaining when it's often assumed that DH (who is sensible enough not to work in academia and doesn't have a PhD) is the 'Dr' rather than me.

Reminds me of that age-old riddle, 'I can't operate on this boy, he's my son ...'

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Tbh this issue is almost aggravating enough to make me want to do a PhD just so I can be Dr.

Wishawisha · 09/03/2023 18:59

MereDintofPandiculation · 09/03/2023 16:23

My bank accounts all have my title.

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Yes but you could phone your bank tomorrow and ask for your title to be changed (or removed) if you wanted. They wouldn’t accept a change of name without proof but there is no “official” title thag is registered anywhere.

Tippexy · 09/03/2023 19:07

theleafandnotthetree · 09/03/2023 16:39

I have a PhD and never use Dr outside of niche academic settings. And sometimes not even then! As my children remind me, I'm not a REAL doctor 😁

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Except that of course - as a PhD, you are the 'real' doctor - I would remind them of this!

SirMingeALot · 09/03/2023 19:12

But I've received quite a bit of pushback and even open insults - every one from other women.

This, unfortunately, is true for many of us.