Mrs or Ms after divorce

[NewMeforthemillionthtime]

Just read another thread about name change and a poster asked whether the op referred to herself as Mrs or Ms.

Just wondering about this as I have been divorced for over 10 years and never bothered changing back to my maiden name. My passport, DL bank accounts all say Mrs Married Name.

If I was going to go through the effort of reverting back to my maiden name I would probably also go from Mrs to Ms. But honestly, I love my married name so can't see the fuss with changing my title.

For clarity, my exH doesn't care and neither does my DP.

If you are keeping your married name, have you offiicially changed your title? If so, why?

Traditionally, Ms was indeed known as the title of divorced women, but these days more unmarried women are using it.

How did this misunderstanding that Ms is for divorcees come to be so widespread in the UK?

Since 1972 Ms has been used for women who don't want their title to reflect their marital status, whether single, married, partnered, divorced, whatever. That is, in the Anglophone world except for the UK.

This

Also - very odd to use ex-husband's surname after divorce.

It's not his name, it's mine. It wasn't a loan, but a choice.

Thanks all the same.

I kept my married name as passport had just renewed and my son was 9 so easier to travel. I re-adopted my maiden name in work and socially however this has caused occasional inconveniences such as a Royal Mail parcel for collection where I needed to show ID but have none in my maiden name. My son is 19 now but I use my married name on anything official so it matches passport, bank account etc but always use Ms. The honorific has no bearing on anything, it’s not part of your legally registered name

I hate the way Mrs denotes marital status in the English language. It never used to. If you go back to the 19th century spinsters with a career (like a cook for a large household who oversaw the catering for both the family and their guests and all the staff) or some other responsible job always became Mrs regardless of marital status. In France anyone can be Madame, whether they are married or not. I say own your Mrs. Don't feel you have to change it.

No it isn't. It's been my name for 23 years. It's my young son's name and I prefer them to be the same.

I'm Ms and I'm happily married! Your marital status isn't anyone's business. Go for Ms!

I've been married 15 years. I have the same family name I've used all my life and have been 'Ms' since I was about 16.

Reality is, when someone asks for your title you can fill in what you like. All titles other than professional ones are silly and obsolete anyway, IMO.

Names are not on loan to women from men.

Couldn't wait to claim my own name back!

Ms before, during and after.
Also kept my own surname.

Makes life so much easier and I would recommend it to my own daughters

If married - whatever you want
if divorced - whatever you want.

plus, my married name is mine. I didn't borrow it.

I went back to my maiden name and became a Miss again. I was only married four years though.

I think "whatever you want" covers most things in the name & title debate.

have you offiicially changed your title?

You don’t officially change a title though do you? I just tick whichever box I feel like that day when filling in forms. Married but never took DH’s surname. I am Ms mostly but I’m sure I’m down as Miss and Mrs on some forms.

You don’t have to formally change a title - just use whatever you want.

I’ll answer to Miss, Mrs or Ms and don’t mind which is used. If asked specifically, I say I don’t mind which. It really stumps some people! But it shows how meaningless the whole thing is.

You can do what you want, no judgement, but it feels weird to me to keep a married title when you arent married.

You arent a Mrs any more than someone who never married. So why disclose a title that you are?

Changing your title is no effort, you just do it online. You must have set up new accounts in the last 10 years for amazon etc.

Why is a woman's marital status anybody else's business?

I mean, I think adopting a married title in the first place is problematic from an equality point of view. Men don't do it.

But say you are a woman in her 50s who got married in her 20s and changed her name and title because it was what everyone did and you didn't think twice about it. You've been known by that name and title, both socially and professionally, for the last 30 years. Longer than you were Miss Birthname.

Then you get divorced.

Why should you have to advertise to all your acquaintances, your colleagues, your professional contacts, your clients etc that you are no longer married? Why is your change in marital status anyone else's business? Why should you have to go through the faff of changing your name on your passport, driving licence, bank account, medical records, store cards etc?

Men don't have to waste a single second of their lives doing this, and neither are they socially pressured into revealing personal information about their current marital status to all and sundry.

I've always used Ms when single, married and single again. It's personal choice, there is no right or wrong.

Miss maiden name. Didn't want his name anymore.

If I get married again I wouldn't change this time.

You arent a Mrs any more than someone who never married. So why disclose a title that you are?

Not how titles work. Someone is a Mrs if they say they are, and not otherwise. That's the only criteria. A divorced woman who uses the title is more a Mrs than me, a married woman who never has.

I don't think you can be any more or less of a Mrs, unless you are a man I suppose.

These titles are all meaningless at the end of the day.

Convention has always been that widows remain Mrs and when women starting being able to get divorced they retained that convention - mostly to avoid stigma and because being 'miss' would denote never married which was clearly inappropriate. The idea of Ms was never to remove Women’s agency over their choice of title but to add a third option. Divorced women have every right to use Mrs if they choose to. It's not misleading or incorrect.