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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be so angered by all of this?

29 replies

TheLadyEvenStar · 24/01/2008 11:44

grrrrrrrrrrrr @ today i am having a tantrum today. sod the kids doing it it is my turn and i don't care who knows it. First of all i get benefits because of my depression (have to admit since having ds2 it has been better) anyway i have not had any money since 2nd jan when the claim was suspended due to a muck up in the office. So 10am they call today to tell me that i need to go to office at 11.20 today. dp says i will take you get me up in time so at 10.40 i make him a cup of tea, and call him. he starts moaning at 11.05 that i should have already left ffs he said he would take me.So i call them to say i am running late but will be there in 5 minutes they cancel my appt and make it for 3.40 today!!!! but dp will be up and out of fucking bed to run to his ex and give her money when i have got my payment well it ain't happening...and if it does she will get £50 and be happy with it i have 2 children here to think about. Also last august he lent a work colleague £200 and although they have been paid 5 times since then this bloke hasn't paid it back and i am getting more infuriated by it by the day. have told dp either he asks for it or i will we have no fcuking money and i am not subsidising other people......so now i am back indoors with the hump and about to have a coffee and cigarette. also dp's older son won't see us unless we have the money to take him out and i have said this is wrong, do can't see this arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

OP posts:

CountessDracula · 24/01/2008 11:46

Does he work nights?

Original poster

TheLadyEvenStar · 24/01/2008 11:48

yes he works nights and this is his day off.

OP posts:

CountessDracula · 24/01/2008 12:15

Tbh I think if it was that important (I can't work out the last bit about dp's ex etc) then you should have got him up earlier and made sure you were on time. I guess you are angry at yourself really.

What is the problem with the 3.40 appt?

Lulumama · 24/01/2008 12:19

DP should have taken you if he said he would, but what is the issue with going at 3.40?

he also needs to get £200 repaid from his colleague ASAP

the issue with the ex sounds seperate to all this, but obviously there is an issue there

YANBU to get upset at the £200 or feeling like his ex gets priority, but you could have got yourself to the appt this morning another way if it was that importnat

mumblechum · 24/01/2008 12:23

Why do you need your dh to take you?

loopylou6 · 24/01/2008 12:26

so he is giving your benefit money to pay his ex?

Original poster

TheLadyEvenStar · 24/01/2008 12:29

Countess I am not angry with myself. I am angry with dp he said he would take me as it is cold out i have a 4 month old and a 9 yr old (who is off school ill) and he said he didn't want me to walk. the issue with ex is that the money i will get today has got to be paid to her and i don't think this is fair when we are skint and have 2 dc here to think about. his other ds doesn't go without so why should our dc?

The prob with 3,40 appt is i might not get back dated payments today which means skint for another day. and i have things I need to pay for let alone worry about dp's ds.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheLadyEvenStar · 24/01/2008 12:30

Loopy yes thats the point this month he wants to use the moeny i get to pay for an ungrateful child who refuses to see him unless he can take him out....

OP posts:

Karen999 · 24/01/2008 12:33

Why is he not using his own money???Will you get this money back?

CountessDracula · 24/01/2008 12:33

As he didn't take you I would say to tell him he can't have the money and that he can get it from colleague instead. Entirely reasonable

Original poster

TheLadyEvenStar · 24/01/2008 12:39

Karen, this month he didn't get his overtime sheet in on time as he was on holiday and so as a result he got a basic wage. We normally split everything finance wise except his ds. My main gripe there is last weekend we wanted to see him and WERE going to take ds1 and ds2 swimming but we just didn't have the money so when i called dss to see what he was doing he asked where we were going i said nowhere we just havent' got the money this week and he replied "oh well in that case i have plans for this weekend" Well as far as i am concerned thats the wrong attitude for a 13 yr old to have and I will not accept it. I guess thats why i am peeved about my benefits payng for him because all he wants is to know dad when there is money involved.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheLadyEvenStar · 24/01/2008 12:40

Countess makes it better NOT that he borrowed the money off of me to lend his colleague.

OP posts:

themildmanneredjanitor · 24/01/2008 12:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CountessDracula · 24/01/2008 12:41

sorry could you rephrase that?
I don't understand!

Original poster

TheLadyEvenStar · 24/01/2008 12:46

Mild, yes he does but so do the 2 children we have and if we are working on a budget this month as we are then something has to wait. Dp's mother doesn't talk to him but gives his ex money every month for his ds, takes him away etc so he doesn't go without. and in reality the child in pandered to new school shoes every 4-6 weeks that dp is expected to pay for at £50 a time cos ex won't buy them anywhere but clarkes. it is a lot of money when we have a new baby as well. I have a ds 9 who needs feeding clothing etc and a ds2 who is 4 mnths and needs all the above and more, why should my children suffer for the sake of a child who doesn't want to know his father unless his father can take him to theme parks every time he sees him.

Countess the money he lent his friend from work was my money not his and thats why i am so annoye at not having it back yet.

OP posts:

CountessDracula · 24/01/2008 12:54

Oh i SEE!

Well don't give him any more til he pays you back

He does have to pay his maintenance obviously but if he can't be arsed to fill in his timesheets properly and get the money then it is his prob not yours surely?

newyorkdolls · 24/01/2008 12:58

TheLadyEvenStar.
Grrrrrrrrr its people like you that make me puke, The man has three children not two. Get over your self.

themildmanneredjanitor · 24/01/2008 13:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumblechum · 24/01/2008 14:30

Am about £50 school shoes every 4 to 6 weeks. Ds is same age as your dss and only needs new shoes every 9 months or so.

Fireflyfairy2 · 24/01/2008 15:53

The other son still needs looked after... he is his father (or probably sperm donor if he doesn't pay his way.. that's what my sister's ex is called by everyone, he pays no maintainance).

I think the gripe is that he is using your money to pay for it, is that it? As I'm sure you do understand that your dp has a duty to financially support his son, as he would if you & he were to part also.

If he works he should be able to pay for his son's upkeep from his wages, not your benefits.

Are you sure he lent a work colleague £200? Are you sure he didn't spend it on something else, or just tell you he had lent it to a friend....

tarantula · 24/01/2008 16:03

Your dp should nto be using your money to support HIS child. HIS child, HIS responsibility and you shoudl nto be pressured into giving up money that has been given to you to support your children. Tell him to go sort things out himself as it is HIS problem.

Obviously newyorkdolls is incapable of reading teh thread properly and believes that you shoudl give up YOUR money to support someoen elses child .

greyskythinker · 24/01/2008 16:05

If money is tight, why are you spending it on fags?

peanutbear · 24/01/2008 16:09

I dont think he should use your money to give to his ex either

He should pay maintenance for his son not you

I wouldnt tell him if you got any money but I am nasty like that

hunkermunker · 24/01/2008 16:14

How old's your DS2?

Original poster

TheLadyEvenStar · 24/01/2008 20:26

ds1 is 9 and not his and ds2 is 4 months

OP posts:

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