to think £200 a week is not excessive shopping bill wise for a family of 6?

[sweetkitty]

This is part of a wider issue of me being fed up of DH and his penny pinching can’t afford it attitude.

DH and I and four teenage DC who eat well like teenage DC. DH has for a while been in charge of doing a weekly Tesco online shop as in his words “I go far too much over budget” so this week he spent £96 on the online shop then I went to Asda with him - the total was another £94 which he wasn’t happy about as it was apparently far too much as he is usually £60. The reason he’s been going to Asda is Tesco keep missing things/don’t have the range. Now I said to him I think we should start buying in bulk to try and reduce costs a bit instead of for example buying the smallest box of Ariel pods he always buys as he think they are cheaper let’s buy a huge box of Persil powder instead. I also stocked up the good cupboards. Bit as the DC are always saying there’s not a lot in for quick snacks etc.

That was no alcohol or pet items as I buy all the pet items out of my money and usually go to Home Bargains and stock up on cleaning products and the like once a month. I don’t think £200 is a lot for 6 essentially adults, it used to be about £140 but that was before everything went up plus the DC are eating us out of house and home.

To put it into context our annual household income is 115-140K we have no household debts and a smallish mortgage so we are not scrimping by thankfully. At one point I picked up some new chocolate bars just to have a look and he said to me “put them back you are not getting them” exactly like I was a child. I was so angry I said I am a grown woman with a job if I want them I will bloody well buy them.

I'd say that's good considering your income. We're earning less and spend around £150 for the 5 of us.

Op, I think it’s a reasonable amount based having a large family myself and being a cook everything from scratch person who doesn’t really use convenience foods or have takeaways. I like the family to eat well and I put money into nice meals before I put it into cartons of juice and loads of cold meat for sandwiches for eg. I’d rather have a roast chicken in the fridge for a sandwich or a pot of soup for snacks or lunches.

Your husbands sounds very difficult.

I spend £110 or so per week for myself and my two adult sons.
I earn less than half your household income, but have no mortgage.

I could cut that down if required, but don't see the need just now

Two years ago £200 would be ridiculous but these days I think it’s about the norm, everything has shot up, I spend roughly £170 for a family or four so £200 for 6 seems reasonable.

I don’t think it’s excessive either. We spend £200-250 per week for all meals/snacks, toiletries, household items, cleaning products for 2 or 3 adults and 3 teens.

Quite apart from the unacceptable controlling behaviour around the chocolate, the refusal to buy in bulk would drive me mad. It’s just stupid!

We are definitely on the high end of weekly shopping, but I’m happy with paying more to get the food I get, shop in a nicer supermarket and so on. But as long as I’ve got the means to pay up-front and somewhere to store the stuff, I’d never buy little packs of anything that doesn’t go off where there is a bulk alternative. He is throwing money down the toilet with nothing to show for it!

It's a good idea to stock up if there are bargains. Dry foods don't wasted and the freezer is good for perishables.

Apparently we spent £900 in supermarkets in August. Family of 5 - 2 adults, 2 teens and one child. So, yeah, I don't think it's unreasonable. Although I hadn't realised it had crept up that far. That is everything though and I suspect it includes random bits like a few polo shirts and socks <sticks head back in sand>

Family of three here. We spend 80 a week or 60 if it's an aldi week.

3 adults 1 child we do Aldi for main shop usually spend about £120 a week including alcohol and cleaning. But we earn half your wage. I'd say £200 is fine

How do you manage at half what poverty experts think is the minimum needed for a healthy diet ?

It sounds like he's making false economies buying smaller packs etc. Can you convince him to let you do the shopping for a month and then show him the average weekly cost? I agree with you that buying bulk on washing powder, loo roll etc will def save money int he long run.
£200 is on the high side, but not crazy if there is 6 of you, all eating adult portions.

Also, is he taking into account the general rise in prices? The weekly shop is costing more for everyone now, and if he compares it to what he used to spend it's not realistic.

Has he said why he's getting so stressed about it? That's such a bizarre unwarranted and controlling reaction he had.

It doesn't sound like you are spending that much given your income and feeding six adults. I don't see the point in living too frugally and not enjoying food and nice things when you have such a good income. You said small mortgage, no debts etc so no worries about covering any future needs?

For, basically 6 adults? I don't think so. But if he reckons he can do it better why not let him meal plan, cook and shop?

When I had four teens at home I felt like I was supplying a small army - you have in effect six adults, four of whom are extra hungry. Five of us were also vegetarian and I was spending not far off £200 a week ten years ago.

What does this mean?

he hates when I go shopping with him it costs him more etc

You are a family of six, income and costs are joint not "his". Does he always expect to call the shots on financial decisions?
Frankly if he is too thick to read unit pricing and understanding that with six adults it makes more sense to bulk buy washing powder, dishwashing stuff, rice, pasta etc, then you need to take over financial management.

Your husband's behaviour is completely unacceptable, simple solution is he can do all the food shopping from now on, just redirect all disgruntled teenagers back to him to deal with. Also be interesting to see how he dealt with shortages that impacted himself when everything ran low.
Honestly I'd be having some fun with that one and might even get the teenagers on board

Re you initial AIBU, £200 for six people doesn't sound unreasonable.

Re the more general point, is my husband a tightwad, this is a lot more difficult to determine.

Food prices have gone up a lot recently. Energy costs have pretty much quadrupled. Mortgage rates will probably be at least 0.5% higher by the end of the week. The cost of living is going up dramatically.

Whether or not you are well placed to deal with this as a family only you can know. I note that your income quote has a large range. Is that salary based on commission ? Commission based on discretionary spending (spending on stuff people don't actually need to survive) ? Do you have 6 months worth of savings in the event of losing a job ? Has there been any sign of redundancies in your businesses ? How much money do you have left over at the end of each month ? This is the sort of stuff you need to know to be able to make a valid comment.

That said, even if you do need to be cautious about spending going forwards, there is a right way and a wrong way to deal with it. Shouting every time someone switches on a light bulb or picks up a pack of crisps isn't constructive and is just going to lead to rows. Remember though that different people deal with crisis in different ways and ultimately when you are in a partnership you are going to have to come to a compromise between two peoples viewpoints.

My suggestion would be to discuss with him why he is like this and what his concerns are. If he can come up with some good justifications then fair enough, make a plan together to be careful about spending moving forwards and making sure you keep an eye on the money.

If he can't, well, then you've got another problem ... but I'm not convinced that you have spent 15 years as a partnership without having at least some appreciation of what the other partners general attitude towards money is.

I'm generally "careful" with money, though not short of it, and I'm spending £80 a week on groceries, for one person. I think £200 for six is good going.

We are similar here, £200-£250 a week. Family of 6 but one with a very restricted diet so that pushes the food bill up alot!!

We try to shop in Lidl / Aldi where we can especially for basics like cereal, crisps, snacks for school etc

It's alot and we need to get it down really but it's so hard

Seems v tight and financially controlling.

I would not shop with him at all.

I would say £140 a week is not much at all for 6 people! Especially growing kids.

if you don’t mind them eating rubbish you can buy bagels, wraps and jars of chocolate, peanut butter etc for a few £££

he must have thousands squirrelled away!!!

I too am interested in this.

200/week seems very reasonable to me! We spend about that and there are only 5 of us… and our kids are only primary school age... and I do our big shop at Lidl and cook from scratch! I don’t buy brands but I do try to buy organic/local. We don’t do ready meals and only get takeaway maybe once/month. It used to be closer to 100-125/week, but that has almost doubled since the start of the pandemic.

My question is how so many people are getting their food budgets down so low! Things like dairy, meat, and produce are all so expensive these days,

Same here.

It’s not so much the amount you are spending, but your husbands attitude towards you I am concerned about.

You should be able to buy a chocolate bar without his permission/blessing.