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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think £200 a week is not excessive shopping bill wise for a family of 6?

143 replies

sweetkitty · 19/09/2022 23:18

This is part of a wider issue of me being fed up of DH and his penny pinching can’t afford it attitude.

DH and I and four teenage DC who eat well like teenage DC. DH has for a while been in charge of doing a weekly Tesco online shop as in his words “I go far too much over budget” so this week he spent £96 on the online shop then I went to Asda with him - the total was another £94 which he wasn’t happy about as it was apparently far too much as he is usually £60. The reason he’s been going to Asda is Tesco keep missing things/don’t have the range. Now I said to him I think we should start buying in bulk to try and reduce costs a bit instead of for example buying the smallest box of Ariel pods he always buys as he think they are cheaper let’s buy a huge box of Persil powder instead. I also stocked up the good cupboards. Bit as the DC are always saying there’s not a lot in for quick snacks etc.

That was no alcohol or pet items as I buy all the pet items out of my money and usually go to Home Bargains and stock up on cleaning products and the like once a month. I don’t think £200 is a lot for 6 essentially adults, it used to be about £140 but that was before everything went up plus the DC are eating us out of house and home.

To put it into context our annual household income is 115-140K we have no household debts and a smallish mortgage so we are not scrimping by thankfully. At one point I picked up some new chocolate bars just to have a look and he said to me “put them back you are not getting them” exactly like I was a child. I was so angry I said I am a grown woman with a job if I want them I will bloody well buy them.

OP posts:
luxxlisbon · 20/09/2022 07:27

I mean you can obviously spend less that’ £200, of course you can, but that’s not to say you should.
Its easy to get bear £200 if you want nice food and snacky bits which is on need with kids/teens.
You have a very high income do there’s no point him playing poverty with the food shop.

kateandme · 20/09/2022 07:28

No not alot at all after the increase. As id say the before amount was right.the increase is a red herring bullshit nonsense added wankdom.
You can also afford it.so go for it with that budget and my god it would be so lovely to have that choice.if you have the budget bloody enjoy it ok.
So your dh is being a tool.
And he need to be told in your position your going to thank your lucky stars and appreciate every last bit including these new yummy chocolate bars thankyou!
He should not be talking or acting towards anyone like that.
Please enjoy your food op.why be f miserable like those who really can't afford it.lap that shit up.

Iamblossom · 20/09/2022 07:28

Sorry my "This" was to this...

Flangelasashes · Yesterday 23:45

I would spend more than that. I would LOSE it if my DH told me what I could buy and not buy.

Checkmateready · 20/09/2022 07:28

If you break it down it’s £28.50 a day which seems a lot for 3 meals and some snacks. You could possibly meal plan to bring it down a little BUT who the fuck does your DP think he is telling you that you can’t buy things. Unless you’re struggling which is doesn’t sound like. Why’s he being so tight?

MinervaTerrathorn · 20/09/2022 07:29

I'd say £150 to £200 is reasonable for 6 adult sized people.

mamabear715 · 20/09/2022 07:29

I send £200 pw EASILY, me & 3 kids.
I'm not prepared to stand in the kitchen for 24 hours grilling a lentil, we eat what we want, we don't go out much.
Tbh, I agree with a PP, the problem is your DH, not the amount spent! But I suppose if you take over all the food shopping, he'll be going round the house turning all the radiators down or something!

TooHotToTangoToo · 20/09/2022 07:30

I think for 6 adults (especially if you have boys) that isn't too bad. We spend over £100 a week for 2 adults and a teenage dd. This does in cleaning and alcohol

You're right op, sometimes buying in bulk is a cost saver, but do be careful, sometimes it's more expensive, I always check the price per weight or item before shelling out on bulk buys.

Itsmeagainyes · 20/09/2022 07:31

I don't think that sounds excessive. We are £100 per week for 2 adults and 1 child. It would probably be nearer 80 but one person has allergies.

Stag82 · 20/09/2022 07:32

Reminds me of my ex. Wud always kick off about the food shopping bill or if I was going good shopping… again!

funny thing is after he left my food bill more than halved (expensive snacks and weekly beers) and he realised how much everything cost!

Mascia · 20/09/2022 07:33

I don’t think it’s ridiculously high.
We are five people plus dog and we spend about £110-120 a week on our main food shop (Aldi) and then about £30-50 additionally on wine, bread from the bakery and some bits from Sainsburys.

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 20/09/2022 07:34

Lunar270 · 19/09/2022 23:45

Blimey. Family of 4, eat well all home cooked. About £80/week!

We'd be throwing food away if we spent £200/week as we'd never get through it all.

You don't have four teenagers though.

bodie1890 · 20/09/2022 07:36

I couldn't live with someone like that, OP. Especially on your salary, there is just no need for it.

We spend £100 a week on just two of us on groceries.

Mybeautifulfriend22 · 20/09/2022 07:37

Ours is around £50 a week for two adults. We also eat out or get a takeaway in that week. I don’t think yours is unreasonable with growing teens eating everything in sight. You obviously can afford it and things are rising still weekly on some cases

Maybe compromise that once/twice a month it needs to be higher to stock up. I would not be being told off for wanting to get something nice though you earn enough.

ThatCheeseIsMine · 20/09/2022 07:37

I aim to keep it to £100 a week for 3 of us, me, teen and preteen, but sometimes go over that. Includes non-food items (cleaning stuff, toilet roll, shampoo etc) but not school lunches. I know I could get it lower if I had to, but the DC are fussy and eat different things, and can afford a few non-essentials.

if you can afford it I think it’s fine. You’re not throwing money away, it’s going to farmers and to pay people’s salaries.

Xmasbaby11 · 20/09/2022 07:40

£200 a week sounds fine for basically 6 adults. We spend at least £100 for 2 adults 2 kids and our income is a lot less than yours. We have a cat, I do a lot of baking which I donate. I think your dh has a cheek trying to control your spending with the choc bars!

Lex345 · 20/09/2022 07:41

I don't think its particularly high either. Yes, you can definitely do it for less. But a budget of £200 a week will mean you can buy a lot of fresh, quality ingredients. If I had enough money to spend this amount, I definitely would. £4.76 per person per day isn't bad.

lomoko · 20/09/2022 07:41

The problem is that he is hurting you with his behaviour. His restrictions are putting you right back in your childhood, with a yearning hunger and helplessness. This is so unkind to you. He should really understand, as your husband and nearest person, that this kind of restriction is emotionally painful to you and with a good family income there's no reason to put you through that pain every week. He may not understand this properly if you have not explained it to him as you have here.

If you can try to explain it, it might help. If you have already tried this and he continues then he is not really on your side and you should know this clearly and think about what to do next.

JudgeRindersMinder · 20/09/2022 07:42

Checkmateready · 20/09/2022 07:28

If you break it down it’s £28.50 a day which seems a lot for 3 meals and some snacks. You could possibly meal plan to bring it down a little BUT who the fuck does your DP think he is telling you that you can’t buy things. Unless you’re struggling which is doesn’t sound like. Why’s he being so tight?

It’s 3 meals a day x 6 people so it’s 18 meals a day!

If I can keep a food shop for 3 adults under £100 it’s a good week, so I don’t think £200 for 6 adults is unreasonable, although there may be some slight economies of scale.

If you change to washing order from pods you’ll notice a huge difference! I used to use Persil liquid so was about £7 every 3 weeks or so. I changed to Bold powder (other cheaper brands are available!) which is about £7, and I get at least 3 months out of a box!

YumYummy · 20/09/2022 07:45

We are a family of 4 and I can’t get our food shop to under £280, normally it’s up to £330 or so.

1litreofwater · 20/09/2022 07:47

JudgeRindersMinder · 20/09/2022 07:42

It’s 3 meals a day x 6 people so it’s 18 meals a day!

If I can keep a food shop for 3 adults under £100 it’s a good week, so I don’t think £200 for 6 adults is unreasonable, although there may be some slight economies of scale.

If you change to washing order from pods you’ll notice a huge difference! I used to use Persil liquid so was about £7 every 3 weeks or so. I changed to Bold powder (other cheaper brands are available!) which is about £7, and I get at least 3 months out of a box!

Show quote history

18 meals a day plus drinks, snacks, cleaning products, laundry stuff and toiletries/toilet roll. I think £200 is quite good actually considering the cost of things like laundry powder and the size/ages of OPs family!

Hippyatheart58 · 20/09/2022 07:47

When you go food shopping with him it costs HIM more money? How exactly does that work when you have joint expenses for household essentials like feeding the family. Also am confused as to why the pet food comes out of your personal allowance.

No in regards to this situation you are not being unreasonable. However as you stated in your first post this is one of the issues you have with him. You won't win this disagreement no matter how logical you are. His mindset is worrying. If your wanting to focus on your marriage I suggest getting some outside help to try and work on these issues. I honestly couldn't handle being told to put chocolate back and it not being a joke. When I read it I imagined myself throwing 3 bars in the trolley.

I would also make sure you have a handle on all your finances and know where all the money is and going. The HIS money has me thinking he might be planning a nest egg for himself. Your DC are teenagers. He might be thinking of leaving. I hope am not right here but being controlling with money is such a red flag. Buy the chocolate 🍫 OP x

Mascia · 20/09/2022 07:50

mamabear715 · 20/09/2022 07:29

I send £200 pw EASILY, me & 3 kids.
I'm not prepared to stand in the kitchen for 24 hours grilling a lentil, we eat what we want, we don't go out much.
Tbh, I agree with a PP, the problem is your DH, not the amount spent! But I suppose if you take over all the food shopping, he'll be going round the house turning all the radiators down or something!

“Grilling a lentil” 😁
We‘re similar - although we do go out occasionally, we‘ve been doing it a bit less recently.
We cook from scratch a lot, so we buy mostly staples, but also get a fair amount of „treats“ like nice bread and cheese, crisps, nuts and dips.

LiveInSunshine · 20/09/2022 07:51

The answer to ‘is it high’- yes it is. In the house we are 4 adults and 3 kids and it’s nearly double ours.

The answer to ‘can I as a woman with a job in charge of my own life spend £200’ is of course you can. If you shop in Tesco/ Sainsburys etc and want nice food/ eat meat it’s not wildly unexpected, and you don’t have to answer to anyone.

mrsbyers · 20/09/2022 07:54

If my husband spoke to me like a child about some chocolate bars I’d buy six packets and eat them until I was sick

SkankingWombat · 20/09/2022 07:54

MrsLargeEmbodied · 20/09/2022 07:11

i came on to say it was far too much,
i had a family of 5
a couple of years ago we were all home and we spent less.
otoh this was 2020, so lower prices?
and i am not an extravagent cook
and it sounds like you can afford it

You definitely can't compare to 2020 prices. Our spend has increased 50% since the start of the pandemic, with most of the increase being this year.

OP £200/wk seems a fair amount given the number and ages of your household, whilst still maintaining a reasonable quality and variety. You could of course make some savings if needed, but you don't need to and it is important to buy the best quality food you can afford IMO as it maintains our health and is literally the building blocks of our body.
FWIW we spend around ~£140/wk for a family of 2 adults, 2 primary-aged DCs (with large appetites) and a cat. That includes all food, a bit of alcohol, the cleaning products, and any small top ups of basics mid-week. I meal plan, bulk buy where possible, we eat little meat and most of what we do buy is yellow sticker that I buy when I see it and freeze. We already eat a lot of pulses and I cook from scratch, and the only food waste is the odd small piece of fruit/veg that has rolled off and hidden itself under something else, and remained unspotted.