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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel uncomfortable finding out my longtime neighbour was once part of the KKK

168 replies

Leannery6 · 19/09/2022 18:33

Just abit of information on my backstory. I’m was born in the UK but moved to the US with my parents i was 16 and i am 38 now so i have lived most of my life here, i come back to the uk once every few years to come and visit my extended family.

I live in a nice suburban town in hernando county florida where i have lived my whole life. i have have lived in my house with my husband and two kids who are 16 and 10 for 13 years and have has no issues.
My neighbours have lived on my road for 30+ years and are both in their late 80s they are a man and wife, they were always lovely to me and my kids. Our steeet is a a really tight knit community where everyone knows eachother, we all have BBQs together quite often. My neighbours used to babysit my two kids occasionally when they were babies and i just never imagined i would find something like this out.
I always see him mowing his lawn and chat to him He recently told me out of the blue in a conversation about how he met his wife met that back in the 50s he was a part of the KKK, ive never been so shocked about anything in my life! I’m not sure if any of the other neighbours on the street know this but i would of never of thought in a million years! He is such a kind hearted person. I told my husband and he couldn’t believe it.
AIBU to feel extremely uncomfortable talking and loving next door to him now? I feel like i might be over exaggerating but i can’t look at him the same now,
From what i can see he has absolutely nothing to do with it anymore but i still feel odd whenever i see him. My husband says that i’m overreacting but i’m not sure how to feel. I can’t even avoid him or his wife either because we had quite a close relationship so it would be weird to just stop speaking to them. AIBU to feel like this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Leannery6 · 19/09/2022 18:34

sorry for the typos!

OP posts:
JustTheOneSwan · 19/09/2022 18:35

So 70years ago he did daft stuff and since then he's not?

BigglyBee · 19/09/2022 18:38

People do change. Perhaps he felt tremendous social pressure to join, or his parents were members, and he later decided he wanted nothing to do with it. I would ask him, if it was worrying me. He might be only too happy to explain further, which would either set your mind at rest, or you would know the full horror of it. Either way, you could decide what to do about this, which is less easy with the half story that you currently have.

britneyisfree · 19/09/2022 18:41

I reckon the fact that he told you means he isn't ashamed. I'd not engage with him again tbh but that's because he would've strung my ancestors up from a tree if he'd had a chance. What a cunt.

PinkFrogss · 19/09/2022 18:43

YANBU, the fact he sees it fitting to just casually throw into conversation says it all.

And being a KKK member is hardly just doing some “daft stuff”

Hillrunning · 19/09/2022 18:43

God I hate it when posters done give us the full story. What on earth was your response? Are you absolutely sure you didn't mishear him?

Hillrunning · 19/09/2022 18:44

JustTheOneSwan · 19/09/2022 18:35

So 70years ago he did daft stuff and since then he's not?

Daft is stealing a supermarket trolley not being a KKK member.

JustTheOneSwan · 19/09/2022 18:47

Hillrunning · 19/09/2022 18:44

Daft is stealing a supermarket trolley not being a KKK member.

Show quote history

How do you know though? I read that as he said he used to be an idiot when he was young not that he was announcing he's a lifelong racist.

Lampzade · 19/09/2022 18:48

What did being a member of the KKK entail?
I would be very interested.
I would be horrified tbh

bellac11 · 19/09/2022 18:48

Yes, if this is real then like another poster, where is the rest of the story

so he threw it into the conversation, what was the build up to the sentence, what else did he say about it, what did you say, what was the context, why did he suddenly announce this to you?

StoneofDestiny · 19/09/2022 18:50

If he was ashamed he'd not have told you - sounds like he is proud of it.

Hollyhocksarenotmessy · 19/09/2022 18:50

That's full on burning crosses, lynchings, attacking black children trying to go to school, attacking black adults trying to vote, terrorism era of KKK.

The fact he casually dropped it in, without adding anything like 'we were young, realised it was wrong and left of course' means no shame, probably still highly racist.

Cleopatra67 · 19/09/2022 18:52

@JustTheOneSwan - I think the KKK qualifies as a little more than ‘daft stuff’.

HerRoyalNotness · 19/09/2022 18:52

Didn’t you ask him about his views etc when he dropped that nugget?

carefullycourageous · 19/09/2022 18:54

JustTheOneSwan · 19/09/2022 18:35

So 70years ago he did daft stuff and since then he's not?

'Daft stuff' Angry

JustTheOneSwan · 19/09/2022 18:55

@Cleopatra67 I'm not saying it isn't I was asking if he said it in that context.

Mamette · 19/09/2022 18:57

Well I think I’d be giving him an extremely wide berth from now on tbh.

Hearthnhome · 19/09/2022 19:01

There’s got to be more that him just casually dropping it in.

The 50s was 70 years ago. So was he a child? A young adult?

Was it actually his choice to join? I would imagine any member forces their sons into membership before they could make their own minds up.

and what has he done since?

Someone who was groomed into joining at 16 but left quickly or spent their lives trying to support anti racist movements and working to stop people being groomed in racist groups or very different to someone joining at 25 and only left cause the group was disbanded and is still a racist.

Puppers · 19/09/2022 19:03

@JustTheOneSwan we all saw exactly what you said. You referred to being a member of the KKK as "daft stuff". You were not asking about context. And even if you were, I'm not sure what possible context could reduce joining a racist terrorist group to doing "daft stuff".

dreamingbohemian · 19/09/2022 19:04

I would absolutely distance myself, so what if they think it's weird

You don't join the KKK in the 1950s unless you think it's okay to murder black people, even children. Fuck him.

JustTheOneSwan · 19/09/2022 19:05

Think what you like I was only imagining he said it like that I can't imagine any other way it would come up.

Justcallmebebes · 19/09/2022 19:06

I was at boarding school in the UK and a girl in my house, who was a friend, was from Alabama. Her father and brothers were paid up members of the KKK. This was in the late 70's/80's and I still feel v conflicted about it now

EmeraldShamrock1 · 19/09/2022 19:07

I'd probably fall out of my shoes.

I wouldn't speak to him again, if other neighbours are aware maybe they're not nice people.

Could you have mis-heard? If not he doesn't sound like a man ashamed of his past if he is happy to share that information.

He may as well have said he used to be part of a pedophilia group. Sick bastard.

whoopdedo · 19/09/2022 19:09

I'd have to blank them with that knowledge.

DontSpeakLatinInFrontOfTheBooks · 19/09/2022 19:10

I am agog at being a member of the KKK being in the bracket of “daft stuff” Shock the KKK murdered people ffs. They generally made PoC’s lives a misery and treated them like subhumans. That’s not forgivable behaviour imo.

I would be staying the fuck away from the people completely and if anyone asked me, I’d tell them why.