To feel uncomfortable finding out my longtime neighbour was once part of the KKK

[Leannery6]

Just abit of information on my backstory. I’m was born in the UK but moved to the US with my parents i was 16 and i am 38 now so i have lived most of my life here, i come back to the uk once every few years to come and visit my extended family.

I live in a nice suburban town in hernando county florida where i have lived my whole life. i have have lived in my house with my husband and two kids who are 16 and 10 for 13 years and have has no issues.
My neighbours have lived on my road for 30+ years and are both in their late 80s they are a man and wife, they were always lovely to me and my kids. Our steeet is a a really tight knit community where everyone knows eachother, we all have BBQs together quite often. My neighbours used to babysit my two kids occasionally when they were babies and i just never imagined i would find something like this out.
I always see him mowing his lawn and chat to him He recently told me out of the blue in a conversation about how he met his wife met that back in the 50s he was a part of the KKK, ive never been so shocked about anything in my life! I’m not sure if any of the other neighbours on the street know this but i would of never of thought in a million years! He is such a kind hearted person. I told my husband and he couldn’t believe it.
AIBU to feel extremely uncomfortable talking and loving next door to him now? I feel like i might be over exaggerating but i can’t look at him the same now,
From what i can see he has absolutely nothing to do with it anymore but i still feel odd whenever i see him. My husband says that i’m overreacting but i’m not sure how to feel. I can’t even avoid him or his wife either because we had quite a close relationship so it would be weird to just stop speaking to them. AIBU to feel like this?

Actually I apologise for this comment. Lately there have been a lot of racist posts on MN and it has been getting to me, as a POC. Obviously nearly all white people would shun this man.

Anyway I should not have posted that. Should take some time off MN now.

Dont apologise. So many comments in this post have been disgusting in their excuses. I'm not surprised you would feel that way.

Is being a member of the KKK "daft stuff"?

Really?

Was that meant to bother me? Because someone being a keyboard warrior only makes me laugh 😂 you are pathetic.

@JustTheOneSwan - context isn’t really the issue here. There is no mitigating context possible.

I voted yabu as his views may have changed, there is no evidence he himself committed any crimes and it is possible to speak to and even be friends with people who have differing views and histories. The fact that there has been no indication of racism in your relatively close (for neighbours) relationship indicates he does not hold those views now.

Imo the whole "never speak to" and/or alienate people with views we don't agree with is very closed minded and does nothing to further dialogue or change minds, it acts to divide and polarise and is not the way forward.

If I met someone who had been in the ira and now wanted peace etc I would still judge them on them now as opposed to who they were a long time ago.

We allow rehabilitation and declare a punishment to be over after a set tine when a crime has been committed, forever condemning a person as a pariah due to thoughts and behaviour 70 years ago is not the right approach imo.

The lengths white people will go to excuse racism and racists never ceases to amaze me.

So are you saying that once a person (of any colour) has a racist thought they can never redeem themselves and are a social pariah for the rest of their lives?

Also, by making people social pariahs how do you suggest that drives the conversation forward and helps social cohesion for our society, surely the aim is to get to a place where we no longer have a racism problem, we don't want this to go on forever do we?

Differing views? Are you fucking serious?

I have friends who vote for different political parties. Some friends who are Christians and others who are atheist. Those are differing views that I can respect.

Being part of a racist organisation, which not one fought to deny people their rights but also murdered people because they had a different skin colour is not a 'differing view.'

There is no indication that this neighbour wants to redeem himself. If this situation occured exactly as described by OP, then her neighbour gave no further context, expressed no regret, didn't seem to distance himself from last behaviour and mentioned it quite casually and in an unembarrassed way.

Surely anyone who has been in a such a hateful and murderous group but had now genuinely changed would a) just not mention it in the first place, or b) make it very very clear that they were beyond sorry for their actions, and were a completely different person now.

So no, I'd not be friendly to my racist neighbour, thanks. Making social pariahs of racists surely sends a strong message that they're doing something wrong; having 'conversation' gives the message that their views are worthy of respect.

Exactly @3WildOnes

'having a racist thought' and joining the KKK are not in the same league, have a word with yourself

It might make white people feel good to be all forgiving and accepting but the best way to stamp out racism and fascism is to have zero tolerance for it. Do you not know what's happening in the US right now? An attempted coup by the far right, Republican election rallies recently have people giving fascist salutes -- this is not a 'difference of opinion', there is a massive and powerful campaign to seize control of the country permanently. Now is not the time to go around saying we need to embrace racists and it's no big deal.

No one is saying to put this man in prison or persecute him, it's hardly the end of the world if a neighbour stops talking to him.

I would judge someone by their behaviour now, not their past or even current claimed beliefs. He sounds OK, unless there's something OP is not seeing.

The most racist person I was at school with was the best behaved when actually interacting with the people he was racist toward. His racism was entirely a cultural belief, inherited from his parents in the same way that most people inherit their religion. It had no visible impact on how he dealt with people in real life.

A few decades ago I had a student job where the boss (and company owner) was allegedly a former SS member. As far as I knew he hadn't done anything evil in the several decades since the war ended, so I didn't regard him as intrinsically evil.

I would assume that 99% of members of KKK still living have never caused or participated in physical harm to anyone, so some of the comments up-thread are hyperbole.

Well sure, if you don't think there's anything intrinsically evil about the SS, the KKK must seem like a scouts group 🙄

I would assume that 99% of members of KKK still living have never caused or participated in physical harm to anyone, so some of the comments up-thread are hyperbole

I doubt that percentage is true, but in any case they all supported, encouraged and condoned such actions, which is why they happened.
Jeez.

There's having different views, and there's casually mentioning that you were a member of a terrorist group.

This thread is going the same way as the other one that was shut down this week.

Incredible how many Mumsnet users think racism towards black people (in this case pertaining to one of the most famous violent terrorist organisations) is a simple difference of opinion.

The mind boggles.

This thread is showing how some people can't distinguish between having bigoted thoughts and engaging in overtly racist behavior. Joining a terrorist organization like the KKK is an overtly racist act. Its very purpose is inherently violent. Anyone familiar with US history would understand the many ways in which this group didn't simply exist as a standalone group for people with bigoted views, it was a driver for political and economic systems in the South. It was an an extra judicial enforcement arm of structural racism.

I'm not interested in this idea that there's a responsibility on anyone's part to engage in a dialog or move the conversation. Some posters are trying very hard to extrapolate some kind of a redemptive arc from the limited information that we have been given. I don't see why. The OP is not comfortable with this individual. She isn't required to be. Nor has he been made into a social pariah. He seems to be going about his life no worse for wear from his former activities. The OP owes him nothing more than civilized behavior.

I am starting to wonder if some of these threads, like the what to do with father's Nazi book and my partner doesn't like the little mermaid aren't contrived in order to rake up some fertile ground to sow some nasty ideas about racism not being the problem, anti racism is.

Also, some of you are astonishingly ignorant as to the scope of violence enacted by the KKK during the period in question.

It's @Leannery6 only post so you're probably right.

They were the people behind the lynchings, as said, hardly daft stuff. These people raped, assaulted, tortured, persecuted and murdered people. If it was slight involvement in the National Front, as a youth, then perhaps yes, but the KKK was nazi level because of the political climate, which they helped to keep going.

@Boxowine Excellent post.

It really all depends. I have a friend who was involved with hate groups in his youth. He was recruited and radicalized at fourteen, by a stepfather who was the first father figure ever to take an interest in him. Hate defined his life for more than ten years after that. These groups can be extraordinarily insular. Often you meet your partner through them, you are employed by them, you owe the leaders significant sums of money, etc. Almost certainly your whole social life is defined by them, and they very deliberately limit the opportunities you have to be exposed to differing views.

Nonetheless, he eventually deradicalized himself. He borrowed money from the leaders of his group to open a niche business (punk music and memorabilia), and found himself talking to POC who were as passionate about the punk scene as he was. Just through these conversations, he began to realize that what he had been taught was wrong. He became a police informant and wore a wire for them, and the information he supplied led to multiple hate crime convictions. He then became an educator and has spent decades working with youth leaders to combat the radicalization of children.

To me, this is a person who has paid his dues. He's made up for the harm he brought into the world. I have no qualms at all about calling him my friend and I'm deeply proud of the person he is.

It's possible your neighbor has a similar story. Or it's possible he left because he didn't like the commute to meetings but still holds those views. The only way to know is to ask, if you genuinely want to find out.

For those saying he "seems okay now", yes he probably does if his neighbours aren't black. Excusing joining the KKK because it was a long time ago is absurd. Should we all forgive Hitler because it MAY have been a mistake and a huge misunderstanding? 🙄 sickening the lengths people go to excuse racism.