Scared sh*tless of death

[Lordhelpme]

I don't know if iv done this right as I'm first time poster so forgive me BUT...
Is anyone else scared of death? I feel silly to be scared as its going to happen but i can't seem to accept that it will eventually happen and I don't know when, not that I want to know when. I was never like this before covid I had the attitude of 'well its going to happen so?' Where as now I'm having bloody panic attacks about it. Maybe because I have 2 little ones I'm not sure but it's the whole knowing thats it, done, never going to see them or my partner again.
Any advice would be great..

I can't get my head around that I'lll die. I'm agnostic as I have a hard time believing in God (any kind of deity to be honest) and think we are just bodies that die. There is no everlasting. Even the sun, solar system, galaxy and probably universe are not infinite. I truly wish I believed there was more than the physical. I've loved ones I would love to see again.

I want to live and see all the amazing things that could be in our future.

I was always fearless, I watched my Dad die of terminal cancer when I was a teenager, it made me realise there’s no point in worrying about anything really and to just live life and experience everything.

Then I had my baby, and he has brought me to my knees emotionally. I worry everyday about death which is stupid and a pointless. I have crippling health anxiety. I can’t believe everything and nothing are just one mistake away, I feel like we should get some free ‘lives’ like on computer games. Surely one chance isn’t enough.

When I’m old and grey and my kids are grown and happy, I’ll be fine, I’m just terrified of it happening tragically young like it did to my Dad.

As a teenager I wasn't scared of death at all. I could happily have got run over by a bus

As I've got older I've got more scared because I want to live (which I guess is a good thing!). I like life (alot!). And, mostly, I really really want to be there for my two children who really need me as they are still young.

My mum died last year and it was horrendous. She did not die peacefully. She was in pain for a long time and then she slipped into a drowsy state on the terminal meds they pump into you to ease the pain and help you feel more comfortable. She didn't look comfortable though, she didn't look restful when on those meds. She was v aware of her surroundings but unable to talk or move. She could answer me by nodding. At the end she struggled to breath and watching her die was horrendous. Her face was terrified, pained and she was gasping for breath. Even after she stopped breathing she looked afraid and haunted. As she was gasping for breath I asked her if she was struggling to breath and she nodded. So she knew. And then she died. She died gasping for air and fully aware she couldn't breathe. It was awful. I don't want to die like that and I don't want my kids to have to witness it. It does scare me, because I don't want to be frightened when I die..I wish it was like the movies when you turn to your loved ones and say 'i love you' then close your eyes and that's it. Dead.

May I ask what happened?

I'm so sorry for the losses on this thread.

My mum died in July & she was the first person I've witnessed die

It's a horrible, lengthy business. Much like a birth. And like a birth, I think there are good ones and tough ones.

I'm not afraid of dying. Just have a massive FOMO. My dad has terminal cancer. He has said he's going to have a big party before he goes so he can hear the good stuff. And I think he has a point. I really don't think it goes with you so do this if you can...

I think we are all going to die so in a way its inevitable for everyone. When we have young dc it brings it home how reliant they are on us.we fret .Maybe make plans for their care with friends. Live the best life you can ,eat healthily,don't sweat the small stuff.dont smoke and drink in moderation .then you know you have done everything possible to keep well ,and relax and enjoy our life to the max.maybe think we are all at a party and everyone has to leave at some point!

I’m not scared of dying. I’m scared of what I am leaving behind my children but then again I think this is because I worry so much about if something where to happen to me (my children are all under 10 with youngest being 3 months ) I do suffer anxiety which doesn’t help .

OP I’m glad your talking about it , it’s hard to talk about our fears especially surrounding death , most people shy away from it due to this reason .

I hope you find some reassurances knowing your not alone in feeling this way . Maybe speak to your GP if your struggling .

Try living in the moment when you start to feel anxious.
deep breaths and focus on what you are doing,say for example,you are washing up,feel the warmth of the water,the soft bubbles,how the sponge texture feels,roll your shoulders slowly and feel every tiny movement as you begin to lift your shoulders.
totally live in the moment for as long as you can.
it will help and the more you do it the easier it gets.
Plus,there's very little point in worrying about anything that's out of your control.
don't be scared of leaving this world,you won't be alone when you go,you will be met by a loved one and feel love like you can't begin to imagine.
be happy,you have much to enjoy.🌈

I can’t get around the fact that we are only here temporarily. I’ve been scared of dying since I was little, not of actual death but regarding the short term aspect of life. It’s the fact that we are so sophisticated as a species and we are advancing so much. If we had simple brains like some animals/insects I could cope and wouldn’t overthink it! It’s scares me that I won’t be here one day. If I talk about this people look at me strangely!

I have been surrounded by death for many years. Most unexpected. Many before their time.

Perhaps because of this, I am not afraid of death at all. I find it quite a mundane thought - something all of us must do. We are born and we die.

Once someone has gone, the living keep on living. Sometimes broken by grief but living nonetheless. So whoever you leave behind will miss you and love you and they will keep going. You won't know anything anyway.

I hope you find a way to normalise it in your rational mind. I find it comforting now I am at peace with the cycle of life and death.

Your fears do sound very distressing. I would advise to speak to your GP if they are preventing you from enjoying your life.

Don’t think I’ve ever thought about death, what’s the point. Enjoy today. But if it’s disrupting your life maybe you need some counselling?

The important thing to remember is that after you’ve died you don’t give a shit.

however if you’re having panic attacks this suggests the death thing isn’t the issue and it’s more of an anxiety thing so try and seek some help for that

I'm not afraid of dying, in a way I almost want to get it out the way, it's how I'd die and what would happen to my DH and children.

Nope, not scared of death. But I am scared of dying.

Although, to be fair, I've been hospitalised for many things that could have been serious enough to kill me, and at none of those points did I think I was dying.

So logically, I don't even think I'll know when I'm dying unless it's from a long drawn out terminal illness, and even so, it'll be so drawn out that I wouldn't know which day was my last or not.

However if an asteroid was plummeting towards earth faster than any lay person could perceive I wouldn't actually want it publicised in the news. Knowing that sort of thing would absolutely make me suffer. Ignorance is bliss and all.

I'm scared of old age and the things it will probably bring, such as widowhood and dementia, but not of death since that is just oblivion.

I’m absolutely terrified. When people talk about their loved one “passing away peacefully” it baffles me. I have seen death several times, and every time it was awful, ugly and disgusting. People don’t just slip away. They writhe around in pain, gasp for air, make a hideous death rattle, shit themselves, cough up blood, sit bolt upright and stare around the room, etc. I remember going in to see my grandmother after she died of a stroke. She looked hideous. It totally destroyed my memories of her. Instead of my kind, gentle grandmother, there was a ghastly corpse with its back bent and its mouth open. I have blotted out the image because I simply can’t deal with it. I admit it. I just cannot deal with it.

And you don’t float off to be with the angels, you go in a box and then deep into the cold, dark ground forever. It’s so awful I don’t know what to say. My mother is getting old now, and the thought of her dying, and of the impact it’s going to have, keeps me awake at night.

I have zero faith in anything nice after death. Either there is nothing, forever, or there is more suffering . I pray it’s nothing. I also hope I have the courage to take an overdose of heroin or something when I get really old. But I know I won’t.

This.

I'm single, with no children, and live alone. All my family tend to live well into their 90s, and I dread being infirm, immobile, unable to get to the chemist for my prescription, being unable to afford a bungalow and unable to get upstairs etc. I have anxiety which is really well controlled, but this is one area where I severely overthink and get upset. I'm scared of getting dementia and forgetting to take my tablets, not being able to cope, or worse still, not have anyone to advocate for me. But then I think of Maud from 'Elizabeth is missing', who mainly only gets upset because of others around her. So I reassure myself by thinking that as long as I was happy living off tinned peaches, even if I didn't take my meds I could just be happy and oblivious in my own little world.

Its a slippery slope from that poem "I shall wear Purple" and digging up summer squash with your bare hands. Eventually death would be a welcome fading away from that end point I worry so much about.

Jeez I've proper depressed myself now. Off back downstairs to finish off the pack of custard creams and watch HollyOaks on catch up.

@JesusInTheCabbageVan did you find that thread? Would have fab!

Sorry, I forgot to come back! I did have a look and I think I misremembered it. There is a thread in Classics called 'What happens after you die' by a poster who was worried about how her loved one would be treated.

I haven't linked to it here because it might be a bit much for people on the thread who are struggling with fears around this subject. If you Google it, it will come up. It's very respectful, and some may find comfort in it, but there's a lot of matter of fact talk about bodies and how they are handled after the person passes away.

Suetwo, it is only your mortal remains that “go into a box”. Your soul will be reunited with your loved ones in the presence of God.
Christ came back from the dead to promise us that. We have the eye witness accounts of his disciples, written down by St Paul, who interviewed St Peter in Rome. Plus the lived experiences of over two billion Christians worldwide, and countless more over the past two millennia.
Of course corpses do not look pretty. They are just the dead chrysalis, left behind while the butterfly flies free, sipping nectar in the sunlight. Come to church, shed your bleak nihilism, and accept the love and hope offered by Christ. It is life changing - and I speak as a former atheist!

@Suetwo i saw my nan die. No-one even noticed for a minute as it was so subtle - it’s not always horrific like you describe. However, even if it is - it’s you that’s affected not the person who died. They’re dead

@Babdoc sorry for the slight derail, but I'd be interested to know what prompted you to convert (is that even the right word for someone who goes from atheist>>Christian?)

I'm more cross that life hasn't been as I'd hoped and that will annoy me when I die.
People say only you can change your life but often you can't.
Two divorces (one cheated and left me with 3 small children, one was DV inc rape).
Poor all my life due to above.
3 settled children but youngest with severe MH issues so needs constant support.
Have t lived the life I'd hoped. Will be very cross if I can't change that before I die. Very.

Beautiful 😍

I’m grateful we get a chance to die as I’m so, so tired. I’m terrified of loved ones dying though 😫