Scared sh*tless of death

[Lordhelpme]

I don't know if iv done this right as I'm first time poster so forgive me BUT...
Is anyone else scared of death? I feel silly to be scared as its going to happen but i can't seem to accept that it will eventually happen and I don't know when, not that I want to know when. I was never like this before covid I had the attitude of 'well its going to happen so?' Where as now I'm having bloody panic attacks about it. Maybe because I have 2 little ones I'm not sure but it's the whole knowing thats it, done, never going to see them or my partner again.
Any advice would be great..

My god what an awful experience. I'm glad you made it through - and sharing it actually has alleviated many of my fears.

Sadly there's not a lot we can do about it but try and live our lives as best we can and take care of our body as a vehicle that will last longer and good repair until it finally fails. The end will come soon enough don't obsess or worry about it too much the outcome will be just the same except if you worry you you make your living life less happy.

I love Philip Larkin and he captures this existential dread wonderfully in his bleakest of poems Aubade.

www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/48422/aubade-56d229a6e2f07

And so it stays just on the edge of vision,
A small unfocused blur, a standing chill
That slows each impulse down to indecision.
Most things may never happen: this one will,
And realisation of it rages out
In furnace-fear when we are caught without
People or drink. Courage is no good:
It means not scaring others. Being brave
Lets no one off the grave.
Death is no different whined at than withstood.

I have been dead. That is to say I had a cardiac arrest 3 years ago and therefore I have been clinically dead.

I went from feeling unwell one minute to total oblivion the next. And there was nothing to fear because there was just nothing.

I remember feeling ill, remember them putting the pads on and then I remember waking up the next day after a night on a ventilator.

If I hadn’t woken up I would never have known, the nothing would just have remained. I wouldn’t know I was dead because I wouldn’t be here.

I am not afraid. We’re all going there one day.

I am afraid of developing a debilitating illness, but if I am ever diagnosed with dementia, mnd or similar I will end my life while I still have the ability to do so.

And to the poster who said that anyone who is afraid of death is because they’re an atheist, I am an atheist.

I’m much more concerned about significant pain in the latter days/weeks/months/years (years?? Heaven forbid!!!!)

If I do have pain, death will be a release.

Im afraid of the process towards death, I wish we had something like Dignitas,I have a terminal illness and the thought of pain and suffering terrifies me

Existential anxiety is terrible. So is thanatophobia.
But, to quote an American sitcom: " Until you accept and until you know you'll die, you will never live!"
Awareness of our own mortality is the greatest motivator to make the best of the time we have.

I have panic attacks every night before I go to sleep about dying and have done since I was about 8 or 9, death terrifies me and thinking about me makes me so upset and panicky

Same. I wasn't too bad when my kids were tiny but as I've got older I've got really panicky about it.

If you are panicky about death then see death as a release from that panic. Let those feelings just go and realise we are all in the same boat. A life well lived and loved is the best antidote to death, that and/or religion! And a child is your ticket to eternity in that you kept a 4 billion-year continuous thread of life alive without breaking it. Quite a feat.

As a Christian, I don't dread it. As was read out today, 'death, where is your sting?'. I look forward to living outside of time with Jesus, not because of what a good person I've been, but because of what he did for me on the cross. I don't know how I feel about oblivion as written about by the more atheistic among you. I suppose it would seem like a deep sleep but I don't believe that's what happens.

I’m not scared of death but I’m scared for my children having to grow up without a mum.

I grew up without a dad as he died when I was 4 and it’s scarred me, something has been missing most of my life,

Death itself will be a piece of cake, because it will just be nothing. You can't feel emotions if you don't exist.

A long, painful process of dying would be pretty unpleasant, so I just hope the laws of this c6will eventually be updated to something less barbaric than the current ones.

As a fellow knackered, troubled soul, I feel you. I’m a bit less at peace with it because I’m not a fan of surprises/the unknown but the thought of doing another 38 years is terrifying in a different way. I digress.

I love the concept of ‘going home’. It reminds me of Ram Dass saying ‘we’re all just walking each other home’. ❤️

@Lordhelpme

i can't decide if you are scared of dying (the process) or of being dead??

I'm a bit scared of the process of dying (how? will I be suffering?). But I try not to think about it too much & hope for the best.

I'm not at all scared of being dead. My view is that either I'll not know anything about it OR I'll get to be with all my loved ones I've lost. Win/win really. I'm hoping I get to be with all my loved ones, but I'm not sure how that'll work for everyone

I am not scared of the moment of dying, rather what comes before. I am sort of looking forward to when I no longer and ill or in constant pain. So it’s the bit in between. Will I be well looked after or live in agony as I deteriorate further. I’m not an old woman btw.

Amen to this.
Jesus has defeated death.

In the words of a modern Christian song:

How great the chasm that lay between us
How high the mountain I could not climb
In desperation, I turned to heaven
And spoke your name into the night
Then through the darkness
Your loving kindness
Tore through the shadows of my soul
The work is finished, the end is written
Jesus Christ, my living hope

I’m not scared of death but I’m scared for my children having to grow up without a mum.

This is what scares me, that I die before my DDs are grown. DH's dad died in his early 60s, way too young but he did say he was content that he'd seen his children reach adulthood. I'm scared that if DH or I died while the children were young it would leave a lasting mark on their lives. But.... there is nothing I can do other than hold them close, love them and raise them as well as I can.

All being well and if I live to a ripe old age then no, I'm not scared of death. Those I've been close to when they were dying haven't seemed afraid and that gives me comfort. My lovely Nan said right at the end "I'm tired, I've had enough, I'm ready."

I am scared about my girls after I have gone. It has always just been us I don't want them to see me suffer if I do or with dementia.

That is exactly how I feel/deal with it

I'm petrified!

I get very nervous and agitated when I think about it... I don't want my life to stop!

OP, If you are constantly worried about death and can’t stop thinking about it I would suggest that you speak to your doctor about depression and anxiety. I have been in your position and a constant fear of death is a symptom of depression. Most people are frightened of death but if it’s consuming your thoughts, antidepressants might help. Also think about what other things in your life might be causing anxiety. Hope you feel better soon.

Not scared of death, no. We were nothing a long time before we were born. Life's a blip - make the most of it. Make preparations so your loved ones will be provided for, and the funeral is taken care of. Then just... live.

@malificent7 I love what your Mum said.. xx

I’m not a person of faith, but I don’t have any fear of death. I’ve nearly died twice, once when I was born and once in my 20s. It’s the natural order of things, that everything which lives has a beginning and end. I don’t know what happens after death, but have an open mind about it. To live forever would be my idea of a nightmare - those transhuman people are welcome to their silicone bodies, but count be out.

I want to thank each and every one of you for replying. I'm sorry I can't reply to all individually but il try and reply in one big message.
Sorry to those who have lost loved ones. I haven't yet experienced this (which could be part of the problem). I'm only 29 and i have a 5 year old and 7 month old. The thought of death before covid never bothered me, I would occasionally have little moments and then I would snap myself back out of it and actually joke to myself about it and refer to it as a nice long sleep. Covid happened and one night I just had a dreaded overwhelming feeling over it all and thats it, completely triggered me. Iv had a hard-ish year with finding a lump in my throat which turned out to be nothing serious (luckily) and then had a diagnosis of my daughter having cleft lip at my 20 week scan and her having her operation this year it's just been a lot. So I think things have built up and unfortunately death has been the centre point of it all.
In hindsight I need to enjoy my life and my kids and accept it will happen to me and others around, I just need to make it to that point of acceptance.
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