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Original poster

Scared sh*tless of death

132 replies

Lordhelpme · 19/09/2022 17:03

I don't know if iv done this right as I'm first time poster so forgive me BUT...
Is anyone else scared of death? I feel silly to be scared as its going to happen but i can't seem to accept that it will eventually happen and I don't know when, not that I want to know when. I was never like this before covid I had the attitude of 'well its going to happen so?' Where as now I'm having bloody panic attacks about it. Maybe because I have 2 little ones I'm not sure but it's the whole knowing thats it, done, never going to see them or my partner again.
Any advice would be great..

OP posts:
Loobyloo68 · 19/09/2022 17:56

My dad died in his sleep aged 52, nearly 30 years ago. I was convinced I would die at 52 as well. Luckily I'm 54 now so I'm past the danger age.

Wibbly1008 · 19/09/2022 18:02

My sister died suddenly at 51. Gone overnight , such a shock. It’s taught me to live and love while you can, make plans and dreams come true and…. ffs! Don’t take sht too seriously. We have one life , five minutes of wonderful is better than a lifetime of nothing special .

sleepythedwarf · 19/09/2022 18:02

After working in a nursing home specialising in dementia care I can safely say I hope I live till the day before I'm no longer fully with it then die in my sleep that night.
I'm not sure what's worse, the residents who are bed bound and can't communicate and basically spend their life being turned and cleaned every few hours or the residents who are terrified crying for their mummies all day not understanding where they are.
No matter how great the staff are (though there's plenty shit ones as well) it's no kind of life for anyone. Death is a much better option than that.

rosael56 · 19/09/2022 18:08

It's weird but my biggest fears around death are the thought of my loved ones having to deal with it. Their grief and pain, especially if I were to die young and my parents were still alive, for example. The thought of my fiance finding me dead in my bed actually haunts me sometimes, even though I wouldn't be there to witness it if it actually happened!

The thought of actually being dead doesn't scare me. I suppose the thought of lots of pain before death is scary too. But I'm not scared of being gone.

TheNefariousOrange · 19/09/2022 18:09

Yes, petrified. I don't want to suffocate, I don't want to not exist, I don't want to be cooped up in a box with bugs eating me.

LetMeSpeak · 19/09/2022 18:12

I’m scared of becoming old and weak but not dying. If I was to die young I would be much more upset then scared.

brambleyhedges · 19/09/2022 18:14

33goingon64 · 19/09/2022 17:23

Having just watched my DM go through 9 months of knowing she was going to die from a brain tumour, and facing it with such bravery, such determination to think positively, total lack of self pity and accepting the life she'd lived was enough and there were no regrets... I don't think I will be scared of death. I'll just think of her example and hope to follow it.

This is beautiful. I went through something similar with a close family member and I echo it. Changed how I feel about facing death completely.

MindYourBeeswax · 19/09/2022 18:17

TheNefariousOrange · 19/09/2022 18:09

Yes, petrified. I don't want to suffocate, I don't want to not exist, I don't want to be cooped up in a box with bugs eating me.

This.

Babdoc · 19/09/2022 18:18

Well this is the problem with atheists, isn’t it. They actually think death is the end, total oblivion - who wouldn’t be scared and depressed at the thought of that?
OP, as a Christian, I know that death is not an end, merely a change of state, from the physical to the spiritual. I look forward to being reunited with my much loved DH, who died 30 years ago, in the loving presence of God.
Come to church. Listen to the promise Christ gave us, that He goes to prepare a place for us. Read the bible passage that says “God will wipe away all tears, and there will no more death”. Let your fears be stilled, and your heart at peace, in prayer.

Youweremybrotheranakin · 19/09/2022 18:19

I have a morbid fascination with death. I think about it a lot.

im not scared of not existing. I am scared of my children dying or me dying whilst my children are young but this is more from a protection point of view.

I do think there is something after death although I couldn’t describe what.

I often read near death experiences accounts and that gives me comfort.

It also helps me to think that Death is the opposite of birth, not the opposite of life. The opposite of life is non existence. Death and birth are poles of life. Therefore, death does not necessarily require absence of life.

Mommabear20 · 19/09/2022 18:20

The way I look at it, there's 3 possibilities after death:
1: there's a heaven (or similar) in which case, I'll see many loved ones again and one day be reunited with my DC and other family and friends.
2: there's a hell (or similar) in which case, there are so many interesting (even if evil) people to talk to and learn more about history that wasn't written by the victors.
Or 3: there's nothing, so I won't know, and it'll be as it was before I was born.

I'm sorry you're struggling OP, perhaps talk to your GP and possibly get some therapy?

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 19/09/2022 18:20

Ok. It's great that you're talking about it, but I'm not sure whether this thread will help you. The posters who feel the same way will just reinforce your fear, and you won't be able to relate to the ones who are relaxed about it.

There's a wonderful thread in (I think) AMA or possibly Classics which may help you, by someone who works in end-of-life care. I'll see if I can find it.

Twokidsanddone · 19/09/2022 18:20

You're not alone. I'm terrified. It keeps me up some nights. Thinking about space and the universe etc makes it worse for some reason. When people say it's like before being born that can make it worse as well, as I get wrapped up in how that wasn't permanent, just until you exist. Death is permanent so I struggle to see them as the same. Was like that as a child. Then went through a period of it not being a problem. Then when my DM passed it got worse again. I just distract myself a lot especially at night. A lot of my friends look at me like an insane person if I ever talk about it so I don't anymore. Glad to know it's not just me, but sorry you feel that way too

Cosycover · 19/09/2022 18:21

I am terrified of dying prematurely.

I want to be old. Very old.

I also think about the deaths that I will live through. Like my mum dying. That day will come, hopefully long from now, but I will need to live through that and have no idea how I will manage to do so.

Hyacinth2 · 19/09/2022 18:23

I'm 70 so death , I suppose, is approaching. I think you'll feel more accepting when you're older. Your body will have run down a bit - no one goes on forever.

Peradventure55 · 19/09/2022 18:23

@sleepythedwarf Well said, not only did the Queen have a great life, but a great death too.

Dilbertian · 19/09/2022 18:24

Because death is incomprehensible, I do not feel the need to comprehend it. It is not like something that I might understand if I tried hard enough. Death just is.

I worry more about those I will leave behind than about what will happen to me. (I just don't want to suffer.)

Death will either be nothing, and therefore nothing distressing, or it will be an awfully big adventure.

PinkRiceKrispies · 19/09/2022 18:25

I'm the same. The finality scares me. As does the thought of being buried (I know, I wouldn't know about it but still...) and of having a long and painful drawn out death. No advice but you are not alone in your worries.

Bestcatmum · 19/09/2022 18:26

I worked as a nurse for 20 years and have been at hundreds of deaths. Death is a blessed relief and nothing to fear.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 19/09/2022 18:26

I feel worried and sad I can't be there for my children forever. I just want to know they'll be ok

mamabear715 · 19/09/2022 18:26

@Hyacinth2 That's what I came to say, more or less!
I'm 66 and everything hurts!
When I was around 30 or 35 I probably worried more, having young children then.

malificent7 · 19/09/2022 18:28

It is natural to be scared but these things have helped me cope and loose my fear:

It is the one universal experience all living things share....human, animals and plants therefore we are not alone in it.

When my mum was dying she said. " I want to go home" . The end of life counsellor said a lot of people say that....therefore if death is "home." it is comfort.

I am tired now at 44...i find the concept of immortality quite knackering .....i would quite like an eternal rest after a productive life.

Before i was born, i was oblivious, after life i will also be oblivious.

I don't want to see climate change reach peak.

I am a troubled soul.

Gosh...i am a right depressing person aren't I?

Ringmaster27 · 19/09/2022 18:29

I’m not scared of death itself - I see it as an inevitable part of life. We are organic matter. We only last so long.
I’m apprehensive as to how my death will come about - I had a near miss about 10 years ago, which was really scary, and I very nearly didn’t make it out. I wasn’t aware that I was on the brink of death, and it was just my colleagues’ CPR efforts that were keeping me hanging on until I woke up in hospital afterwards. From what I can recall, while I was still “with it”, all I remember is searing pain, a lot of noise and panic, and being really scared. But then the noise seemed to disappear - I could see everything going on around me, and could see my colleagues’ mouths moving, but couldn’t hear the words coming out. Then it was just like falling into the most amazing nap ever. You know when you’re so physically exhausted that you are fighting to keep your eyes open, but then once your head hits the pillow, there’s that feeling of utter bliss? That’s the only thing I can liken it to.

Dilbertian · 19/09/2022 18:30

But just because others aren't afraid, it doesn't mean that it's wrong to be afraid. It's OK to be afraid of the unknown. Fear serves a purpose. Appropriate fear keeps us safe. So maybe acknowledge the fear, accept that this aspect of our existence scares you. But then park it and move on. Focus on other things, mundane things that affect your life. Let fear serve you, not rule you.

malificent7 · 19/09/2022 18:31

I don't find oblivion scary...quite the opposite.

I think it also helps that i don't believe in heaven or hell
...i'd definately be going to the bad place! 😂