We have just the one DD - mostly by choice, but we are older parents and although there were no fertility issues a second pregnancy would have been risky as I have large fibroids and my first pregnancy was complicated.
DD is 4 now, and has just started Reception. Already I’ve noticed that we are far more organised and ‘on it’ around school stuff than most of her peers with larger families. Her books are read and returned on time; she has all the appropriate equipment and clothing she needs when she needs it; forms/resources are sent in on time etc. I’m not an especially organised person, but having just the one means I can focus properly on getting this stuff done. DD was already reading fairly well before she started school because I had the time and energy to start teaching her phonics.
DD also has a lot more ‘cultural capital’ than most of her friends with siblings. Because we’re only paying for one child and there’s no need to compromise between competing developmental stages and interests, we take her everywhere that takes our fancy - the Postal Museum; Borough Market; the CBeebies Prom; the ballet. She’s been swimming with me regularly since the age of two, started formal lessons a while ago and is making excellent progress. She also does ballet and football every week, and we’re looking into Spanish lessons. The majority of her friends, meanwhile, have been largely stuck at home with their baby/toddler siblings, just playing with toys and pottering in the garden, because their parents are daunted by the idea of doing all this stuff with two kids. This is obviously not an issue per se (we do plenty of pottering too!) but now DD’s friends need to start branching out a bit some of them are now having real issues with trying new things and visiting new places (won’t get into the swimming pool etc)
We love travel (I studied Modern Languages at uni), and now DD is that bit bigger we are feeling ready to travel more widely and resume more adventurous holidays; most of our friends with younger siblings either can’t afford similar holidays or are very much still in the ‘It’s just not worth all the hassle!’ phase.
With all the current uncertainty in the world and the doom and gloom around young peoples’ prospects, I’m glad that we can focus all our resources on DD to set her up as well as we possibly can for whatever her future holds. She can aim for university if she wants to, safe in the knowledge that we’ll be able to support her through it, and hopefully the idea of getting on the property ladder one day will also be within her grasp.
I also never feel that guilt of having my attention pulled in too many different directions; DD always gets the best of me in terms of time, energy and input. Having stepped away from my career for a while to raise her, I’m hoping to retrain into a different area now she’s starting school - had I had a second it’s likely this wouldn’t have been an option (indeed, as an older mum I may well never have returned to work ‘properly’ at all). With one I’m more flexible, nimble and able to consider different options.
We’re very aware that there are also many challenges around having an only child - DD has no cousins either, and the ‘lonely only’ stereotype does sometimes loom large in my imagination. But I wish people were quicker to acknowledge the many positives of having just the one child, especially as smaller families increasingly become the norm, rather than resorting to the same old tired tropes around loneliness and social awkwardness (which all of the academic research seems to debunk anyway).