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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how your life would have been different if you had only had one child

172 replies

Sowetoutside · 19/09/2022 16:37

Obviously some people have chosen this and please do tell me why.

I always wanted two children but really struggling with TTC. I’m slowly coming round to the fact I may only have the one.

Im trying to think of the positives so hit me!

OP posts:
KvotheTheBloodless · 19/09/2022 17:17

I have one child through IVF, after 8 rounds we're resigned to not having another. Luckily we have the best child in the world!

He'll never want for anything financially, he has lots of attention and love, we can do things with him we couldn't afford with more DC. We are less tired, and have more time for our own stuff too.

Jetsun3456 · 19/09/2022 17:17
  • plenty of time for DD.
  • Don’t have to compromise on what we do to accommodate a sibling with different wants / needs
  • not short of money, opted for private school when not happy with the state offering
  • DH and I each get “me time” every weekend and on holidays without feeling like DD has missed out on time with us
  • I still have spare energy / money / time for my hobbies
  • I have siblings myself, we aren’t close and in fact they have complicated my life and impacted my relationship with my parents, and not in a good way sadly
  • No issues with sibling rivalry or fighting
  • i have friends with more than one child & it’s not always plain sailing. One has a severely disabled second child that has massively impacted family life. Another has two kids (both same sex and similar age) who fight like cats & dogs.
Clingfilm · 19/09/2022 17:21

More money obvs. Cheaper holidays. On the flip side, now my kids are older, partner and I have time to ourselves/with each other as the kids keep each other amused. If I only had one I know I'd feel guilty about not entertaining them all the time.
My kids are quiet and don't bicker so sound levels in the house wouldn't change.

Clingfilm · 19/09/2022 17:22

How could I forget- less laundry!

Cats4life · 19/09/2022 17:23

I think I’m only going to have one.

I seem to notice parents struggle so much more with two and I always wonder why they bother really. With one you can give them everything, time, energy, nice things, nice holidays, lots of extra curricular and tbh having a sibling is sooo over rated, I have one and she’s a nut.

everyone I know seems to cope and adapt with their one child and then it’s nothing but chaos and tantrums for years with the second. I know we could give one child a fabulous life but multiple children would get tired, overworked parents that have no time or energy to do fun things or take them away anywhere.

I know this isn’t true for everyone but parents I know just age so quickly and seem so stressed with multiple children and I genuinely don’t get the reasoning behind it

2pinkginsplease · 19/09/2022 17:25

our life would be much calmer and probably a bit boring if we had stuck at one. Dd is like a cheeky whirlwind in the house . Our eldest keeps himself to himself and prefers sitting in his room where as our youngest is a social butterfly.

PermanentTemporary · 19/09/2022 17:27

At this end of the game (ds is 18) it is sheer bliss only to have one. Dh was so ill when ds was little that we just in the end decided to stop at one. After dh died I was able to prioritise ds and ds only - I loved that.

He's leaving home this autumn and I'm gutted but also v excited.

Howmanysleepsnow · 19/09/2022 17:31

I have 4. With 1 I’d have/ we’d have…
Better holidays
A smaller house so either smaller mortgage or nicer area
More 1 on 1 time
Future security as DC would inherit an entire house not 1/4 of one
The ability to completely fund uni fees and living costs
No bickering

Howmanysleepsnow · 19/09/2022 17:32

(Though I can’t not mention that there are also definite benefits to 4: it feels disloyal not to add that proviso!)

SewhereIam · 19/09/2022 17:33

I always say I have 2 only children 😅. I was an only child, but was sent away to boarding school and was very lonely without a sibling. I now have an 18 year old and a 5 year old, so dd1 was an only child for 13 years, and dd2 is now the only child in the household as dd1 has gone to uni. I would definitely say that they have both benefitted from the one-to-one attention you can give to an only child.

Jetsun3456 · 19/09/2022 17:36

Oh and yes a down side is no sibling to play with so I do probably play with DD more than if she had a sibling & have to be the entertainer a bit more

. But , I can afford more activities and in the summer holiday I sent her to a couple of activities camps with her friends. She had a great time & I probably couldn’t have afforded to send more than one child to the activities. So the childcare would have all been down to me.

In fact my friend with two was really stressed at the end of the summer holidays as her two kids had fought non-stop and she couldn’t afford camps or similar.

Also easy to find babysitters for one child. I have a friend with more than one and the grandparents are no longer willing to babysit for a baby plus toddler plus older child, which is fair enough as they are 70-odd.

Devo1818 · 19/09/2022 17:39

More money, more time to spend with your one, no constant breaking up of fights.

I have 2 by the way and wouldn't have it any other way but I genuinely believe there are upsides and downsides to any number, age gap etc.

Ginger1982 · 19/09/2022 17:40

Oh yes, definitely babysitting! My mum takes DS regularly and I know she wouldn't cope with more than one.

Prinnny · 19/09/2022 17:42

I only have one out of choice, I didn’t feel I could spare any love for another child, I didn’t want to have to sideline her because I had morning sickness or a newborn. As an only she gets our full attention and the best of everything. We very close and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

toooldtodate · 19/09/2022 17:47

I'd still be married

Hearthnhome · 19/09/2022 17:47

Well I wouldn’t be supporting one child through Uni and saving for the next Uni fees.

So I would have more money. I wouldn’t be living where I live. I have stayed here because of the youngest a school. I loved here so I could afford a house after my divorce. I would prefer to live closer to my dad. It’s only about half an hour, but after losing mum I would be happier nearby.

I wouldn’t have any kids at home in terms time now. No school runs. No spending weekends watching football etc

I had a bigish gap (because getting pregnant was difficult) so ds is only just in secondary.

sessell · 19/09/2022 17:48

I had one child for 10 years. Then I had two more. The gap was big enough to be able to compare the experiences. In retrospect the advantages are: one was very portable, life didn't change so much I just took him everywhere and travelled quite a lot. One was also more externally social - I needed to reach out to other parents, organise play dates etc and in the process I made friends too. One is much cheaper, children are very expensive!

DisforDarkChocolate · 19/09/2022 17:49

Money
Time
Career
Holidays
Freedom
Attention to the only child. I have only had one at home for a while and it's vastly different to when I had a full house. It's lovely to have all the time I want with him.

VioletInsolence · 19/09/2022 17:54

You won’t be jolted awake each morning by shouting and arguing.
You won’t have a huge argument about which restaurant you’re taking them to (because that’s the only activity they both like).
You will be able to take your child on days out without their sibling ruining it with tantrums,

NCFT0922 · 19/09/2022 17:55

I have 4. The ways my life would be different with 1;
quieter 😂

Loics · 19/09/2022 18:03

Our second isn't a fantastic sleeper while first has slept through from a few weeks old, so we'd have more, uninterrupted sleep!
We're considering a third, not fully decided yet, but we're moving and so are having to look at 6 bedrooms upwards as we want to give them the option of a room each, and DP and I want spare rooms for our own purposes, so it also greatly narrows the options on which houses we could potentially buy.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 19/09/2022 18:05

I only have one through choice and it's amazing. All the pleasure of having a child, but still able to have a child-free lifestyle. Can afford holidays, meals out etc, and (like many onlies I think) he's pretty mature.

He recently had a sleepover at a friend's. I had previously experienced a bit of a pang seeing this friend holding hands with his adoring little brother. DS reported that said little brother had spent the entire time stamping on their heads while they were gaming Grin He's never expressed any desire for a sibling.

mistermagpie · 19/09/2022 18:12

I have three children but if I ever have one by themselves I'm struck by how easy it all is. My youngest is only two but even her on her own seems a breeze compared to wrangling all three.

I'd be a lot less stressed, less sweaty, probably have more of a career, more money, holidays abroad, bigger house, smaller car. Material stuff mainly but also my house would be tidier, which would be nice, and I would probably get more sleep and generally be a bit more chilled.

I've know made it sound like I wish I only had one, but that's because I think you want to hear those kind of answers!

berksandbeyond · 19/09/2022 18:15

We only have one, by choice.
It means we have far more time, money and attention to give to DD.
It means we can have much closer to our pre kid lifestyle with regards to travel etc

fdkc · 19/09/2022 18:20

For me it would be more money to spend on just me. I can honestly say my children have everything and get to do any activity they want the same as if they were only children. Obviously more kids equals more cost and it's me that loses out on material things, just aswell I am not really a materialistic person.

I am in Ireland and private schools are not really a thing here so that doesn't matter. I have three siblings and am grateful for each and everyone of them, I love them so much and like having close family members around my age to do things with and who I know have my back always. I know my kids appreciate each other too and would rather have each other than be an only child.

I also have a very close bond with all my kids individually. I don't think I could be any closer than I am to my eldest daughter if her siblings didn't come along. So ye basically the only thing I would have if I didn't have multiple kids is more money to spend on myself!