To wonder how your life would have been different if you had only had one child

[Sowetoutside]

Obviously some people have chosen this and please do tell me why.

I always wanted two children but really struggling with TTC. I’m slowly coming round to the fact I may only have the one.

Im trying to think of the positives so hit me!

I have two and when I had just the one it was lovely but she was very intense as an only child, I think she has so much love to give and it was good to have a sibling for her to offload some of that love onto other than me!

I am exhausted though, always exhausted! I dream about when we only had one sometimes 😅

If I had only had one I would be travelling around the world now and in semi-retirement instead of exhausted trying to support four young adult kids !

I wouldn’t be skint!!

DD is a natural only child. Unfortunately for her, we gave her a little brother!

Without him there'd be more money, more time, and more attention for her. We'd probably have travelled more, because it would've been easier and cheaper. Private school would be a possibility - we decided against it as we couldn't afford it for both kids.

She'd have been quite happy I'm sure. She loves her brother, yes, but they're not especially close and you couldn't say they're friends.

I think that only having DC1 would have broken me. Because until DC2 came along I thought I should be able to do everything (including Ft work and a child who didnt sleep through the night until age 7 years).

Dc2 mellowed DC1 and made Dh take a more active role. It also forced dC1 to share me.

I'd have more money and fewer wrinkles. When thinking of how many children look into the future. I had 4 kids, great, they have 4 partners, getting expensive, 6 GC and birthdays come virtually every month of the year and buying Christmas presents are a challenge. More GC are likely.

We were going to have two close together, or at least that was the plan, but after having a very traumatic birth where both of our lives were in danger we decided against it almost instantly. She was also a colicky baby and a terrible sleeper and I had bad PND so that really sealed it.

She’s 5 now, and we have discussed it briefly a few times, and the only thing that has tempted us was giving her a sibling, but it’s just not enough. Plus she has A LOT of cousins and makes friends very easily.

I couldn’t imagine a different dynamic tbh. Having to deal with sibling fights etc and having to split my attention isn’t appealing. We are with her and solely her every step of her journey. I get to have so much fun with her now which realistically I just don’t think would be as fun with a smaller child about too.

Yeah, so more money, time, and attention.

Hugs, OP.

My eldest is now 7yo. If I just had her the positives would be:

More money
More time
Less dividing myself/juggling
Less fighting
More energy
More 1:1 time/less tag teaming
More willing babysitters
Tidied house
Smaller house ok
Smaller car ok
Better health- pregnancy no 2 was harder.
I'd meet up with friends/ family more
I'd offer playdates more
No ridiculous school run split between 2 schools.
Career would not have taken such a back seat

I love both my kids with all my heart but I can see the advantage of stopping at one. DH and I are both exhausted and seem to tag team with the kids lots as no grandparents to help out.

No sibling fights

Way more £ and could have sent to much needed alternative education setting

Way more sleep!

Lots more time to focus on their needs - my DC are both neurodivergent but it's overwhelming trying to deal with that x 2

Lots more freedom (lots of people will take one child for playdates etc, but not two)

Less noise, they wind each other up and are Soo noisy playing together

Everyone says second time is easier. Second child in my case was and is MUCH, MUCH more challenging and complex. I had PND as a result. You don't know what you're going to get or how it's going to go.

I’ve had four children, but one died as a toddler so I now parent three children.

My eldest has health needs, learning difficulties and ADHD so she has taken a lot of my time and focus during her years on this earth! I don’t regret a second of it, but now she’s nearing adulthood she no longer needs me as much and prioritizes herself and her wants over family so we barely spend time together.

If she had been my only child, I think I’d be feeling a bit bereft now. However, her younger siblings still enjoy spending time with me and I feel like they want and need me. One day, I’m sure they’ll bugger off too!

I was one of five children growing up whereas my Dad was an only child so I knew I always wanted a big family and I feel blessed that I found it easy to have the children that I’ve had.

If I was unable to have more children, it would’ve been what it was, of course. But I think I’d be feeling lonely right now. Ask me again in ten years…

And above all, good luck to you and your family.

No more sibling fights is great, mine don't now but that has been replaced by two of the female partners not getting on and making every family occasion tense and awkward. SIL and 3rd DIL absolutely lovely. Maybe I should have just had 2.

I dont have children, but my two best friends do, one has 3, one has 1.

The one who has 3, while happy her life is dominated by children, she left her job as was finding juggling too much, she rarely has opportunity for social events, they don't have holidays, sometimes it feels that when you are talking to her that her mind is elsewhere, she can never truly turn off mum mode. I'm not saying that is a bad thing, some women absolutely thrive off that and that's great, but I'd personally see it as a negative.

My friend who has one, finds child care an absolute doddle, apart from when he was a baby I don't feel it changed her social life, she was still up for weekends away with her friends, meals out, nights out etc. She seemed to be relaxed and more comfortable letting loose, she has excess money, despite her and her husband having fairly average jobs she takes her child abroad 3-4 times a year and camping about 4 times a year, her child is absolutely excelling at school, gets plenty of 1 on 1 time at home, has plenty of friends who live local so hasn't missed out on socialising. She doesn't think she'll have a second as she wants to be able to set the child up well for future (savings) and doesn't believe she can do that with more than one.

I am planning to have a baby next year and I can see an awful lot of benefits stopping at 1.

You might have a second child with disabilities that would severely impact everyone’s quality of life.

My only DD is an adult now. Everything else that people have said is true. You have to be ready to invite friends over far more often, but taking two girls out who are the same age and friends is so easy. You can tailor days out, holidays just to their interests only. The unexpected bonus is when they go to a play date or sleepover - you’re completely child free!

Its obviously a standing joke that she’s our favourite child and we’ve already been able to help her out financially towards a house.

More money, more time, less stress (assuming the only child has no needs), less conflict, I've 2 by the way.

Eldest is going to her PGL tomorrow and although I'll miss her lots I can't wait as I'll just have the one to deal with.

I’m an only, OH is an only, DD is an only
For us, it’s all we’ve ever known
Positives for DD

• we can afford private education
• we can ask family members for childcare help, she’s a doddle anyhow and there’s only one of her
• no sibling arguments
• small car
• holidays and days out are easier/cheaper

if you want cons from my perspective as an only (if not, please ignore)

• I did feel lonely at times, as a child
• When my dad was ill/end of life a few years back, I’d have valued having a sibling to share the load with
• my mum is currently ill and again it’s fallen on me to help care/drive to apps, etc.

That said, the “cons” didn’t convince me to have any more than one.

The only child wouldn't need to share a bedroom.

The juggle of having 2 DC at different schools with different travel arrangements etc wouldn't be a thing.

Only one lot of homework to worry about.

Much more money.

The only child could enjoy more expensive hobbies more frequently.

I don't think there is a universal ideal in terms of family size, birth order or age gaps but this is my own personal experience of having one child.

Life is way easier in so many ways.
Less grunt work - less housework, less washing, less giving lifts, less supervising homework, less going to parents evenings etc
More time, money and energy for each of us for friends, hobbies, careers and each other
Less pregnancy, Labour, recovery, less chance of nasty after effects of these eg incontinence
Less mat leave and less time off work with sick children
Easier for all of us to get out and about and to socialise both separately and together
Easier to help out other families and easier for other people to help us out
Quieter house with less conflict
Less to worry about (it's said that you're only ever as happy as your least happy child)
Higher standard of living for all of us

I'm really not surprised that one child families are on the rise!
If you find yourself in this situation either by circumstance or design, there are definitely a host of upsides.

I raised my first as an only child and she always told me she wanted a sibling. Even now In her late teens she still tells me.

I’ve recently had two more in my second marriage, they are toddlers and very close in age. I’d say one child is less work, less mess there’s more disposable income, it’s easier to get a babysitter and you can devote all time to the child during activities.

however, I’m happy I’ve got two who will grow up together now. Holidays are more fun, birthdays and Christmas’ are more exciting and they’re mini best friends. They learn to share and be considerate of others much earlier and they entertain each other.

when I think of holidays, Christmas’ and special occasions from my childhood I feel sad at the thought of experiencing those without my sibling. Even evenings and weekends when we didn’t do anything as a family, we’d use our imagination and create fun together.

@WorriedMillie - sorry to hear that your Mum is ill. Not that it will help your situation but I often find that even in families with siblings, it often just gets left to one. One of my parents is one of 7 (!) but is the only one who ferries my grandparent around to appointments, takes them shopping, organises trades etc, the others refuse to help as they are far too busy obviously 🙄 . I have seen this a lot. When people say to me about having another to share the load I am unconvinced as a “pro”. I won’t expect my child to look after me though. Don’t get me started on sibling squabbles over wills either!

My mum is terminally ill and has care needs and I can’t say my 2 siblings are much support to me or much practical use. My DH has been far, far more important to me and when I’ve needed it my friends have listened to me more than my brother or sister have.

I always thought I wanted two but DC1 died and now we have DC2 who is such a joy but DH doesn't want another and I don't know if I will but I'm not ready yet. We are not young so it seems unlikely to happen even if we both did want to.

Interested in the benefits of having one.

Also I think for a long time it was a given people would have 2+ children but I think many people see the benefit of having 1.

Financially 1 is much easier, having more time off work doesn't appeal to me at the moment and the newborn stage is tough.

There's a very well researched book called 'The freedom of having one and The joys of being an only' that I recommend x

We are one and done; not by choice and for a long time I grieved for the 2nd child we wouldn't have but I am coming round to seeing the benefits of 1 child.

We have just paid out last big nursery bill, and it is a big financial relief knowing we won't have to deal with that again. DS won't be spoilt, but he will certainly have advantages that we couldn't afford to give if we had another. We will be able to afford nice holidays. We won't have to deal with bickering. DH and I get time to ourselves at the weekend to go out and exercise etc and don't have to feel guilty or like our time is strained.

Lastly, I genuinely don't think our marriage would have survived another child. DH has found the toddler years tough and DS can't certianly be hard work. We do get frustrated with each other at times and I don't think another baby would have helped.