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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked to pay half towards a takeaway in friends home.

432 replies

avamiah · 18/09/2022 22:48

I visited my friends home recently with my 12 year old and she has 3 kids herself and lives in a very nice large home( just for information).I took some gifts for them then early evening she said there was a great Chinese nearby and should we order a takeaway?
Great idea I ordered a few dishes for me and my daughter and she ordered 5 dishes for her and her 3 children.
She then said that’s £92 and just give her £45 .
I was speechless as we were guests in her home and she invited us for dinner and I was scrambling through my purse as I had my cards on me and only just had enough cash to give her.

I would never do that to a guest in my home and I felt really uncomfortable afterwards.

Just wondered what you think as it’s been bugging me.
Thanks

OP posts:
LostInSpaceRaiders · 19/09/2022 03:04

avamiah · 19/09/2022 02:56

@LostInSpaceRaiders ,

Thank you for your post.

I can only think my “friend” thought I was a easy touch as I never say NO.
Whether it’s £10 for a rickshaw or pay for her round of drinks as she is in the toilet when the credit card machine arrives in a bar.
It all adds up .

Oh bless you. Do you think that this incident is the metaphorical straw that broke the camels back / the scales falling away from your eyes and seeing your friend truly in the light of day?

It’s a hard and hurtful lesson to learn; that those who are thought of as friends, are often convenient acquaintances at best. I work with one of those…on the surface, a lovely colleague and human, slightly interesting morals and approach but nothing repugnant. She consistently orders the most expensive thing for lunch, doesn’t have money once it’s been collected because she couldn’t walk across to the cafe as she’s SO BUSY, banking app “doesn’t work”, will definitely bring the money tomorrow. We don’t order anything for her anymore… I would rather drink a lukewarm emergency cuppa soup with a stale bread roll than be mugged off time and time again.

laalaaleelee · 19/09/2022 03:07

It's a bit unfair on you to put you in the position last minute where you have to pay for a takeaway as she hasn't cooked. However, I'd still pay towards it - but only what I owe

LoisLane66 · 19/09/2022 03:35

She could have made a lovely meal and pudding ++ for half the price. Even a dine in x 2 from Waitrose or M&S wouldn't have touched half that price. Ridiculous.

Original poster
avamiah · 19/09/2022 03:36

Thank you, your very wise .

I thought I knew it all but I didn’t .

OP posts:
Furries · 19/09/2022 03:37

Some of the responses/reasonings on here are nuts.

If I invite a friend over for dinner, then it means I’m buying the ingredients and cooking the meal for my friend.

If friend and I decide to organise a takeaway night, then we split the bill - doesn’t matter if it’s at my house or her house. If we do something that involves her kids (I don’t have any) then the bill is split accordingly.

If I invited a friend for dinner and then CBA to cook/circumstances meant I didn’t have time - then I’d phone out for takeaway and wouldn’t dream of asking friend for money.

Now, call me nuts, but surely the above three scenarios are the fair way to go about such situations?

Vecna · 19/09/2022 03:37

Your vote would be different if you included that yours came to 24 quid. That's the unreasonable part. Very CF of her.

In terms of whether you should pay at all - could go either way. If someone invited me for dinner I wouldn't be expecting to pay anything, but if I were invited for takeaway I would. If I invited someone for dinner which turned into takeaway, I'd pay. I couldn't get worked up about that aspect if I were you though (but then I can afford the surprise expense and a friend would know that).

Kitkatcatflap · 19/09/2022 03:38

She is a CF. There is a big difference to come over and WE can can a take away ( would happily go halves) and an invitation to dinner - hence taking wine and a gift.

Sounds like she has CF form OP. It's not you, it's her. Time to say call a halt.

Furries · 19/09/2022 03:38

And I REALLY want to know what was ordered for the bill to be that much - that’s a ridiculous amount for 2 adults and 4 kids.

onlythreenow · 19/09/2022 03:41

You certainly shouldn't have paid for half as she and her children had more than you and your DD, but also you don't ask someone for dinner and then suggest takeaways and expect them to pay.

lydiangel83 · 19/09/2022 03:42

If you were invited for dinner then she should’ve paid as she had offered to provide a meal. If it was an impromptu thing then I’d still say paying half was unfair when you and your daughter would have had a lot less than your friend and kids

Original poster
avamiah · 19/09/2022 03:50

@Kitkatcatflap
Thank You for your honesty.
I really couldn’t believe it and felt embarrassed.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 19/09/2022 03:51

She is a cheeky fucker.

She invited you and the takeaway was her idea.

Then she put you on the spot and embarrassed you.

I would cool this friendship if I were you.

HoppingPavlova · 19/09/2022 03:51

Depends whether you were invited for dinner or just there at dinner time? If invited for dinner and she did this then I call CF. If you just happened to be there and dinner time rolled around, she probably thought, what am I going to do as not enough food in house for a meal for all, I’ll suggest takeaway, then you need to contribute.

BruisedPear · 19/09/2022 03:54

Honestly your friend shouldn’t have asked you for money I wouldn’t say she’s a CF but I wouldn’t have in her position.
Wether it’s me cooking or takeaway I always provide food to guests in my home, however this may be a cultural thing judging by some of the responses here.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/09/2022 03:55

She’s a real cf from your updates. How long ago did she invite you over? This sounds potentially planned rather than last minute not bothering to cook. It’s pretty obvious if she puts crispy duck and pancakes on her order, there’s not going to be much left once the 4 of them have taken a share and ifs one of the most expensive items on the menu. Being cynical, I wonder if she thought she could ask you over to subsidise her family’s takeaway.

anotherscroller · 19/09/2022 04:00

Originally I voted you were being unreasonable and then I changed my mind!

Mothership4two · 19/09/2022 04:00

@HoppingPavlova

Depends whether you were invited for dinner or just there at dinner time? If invited for dinner and she did this then I call CF. If you just happened to be there and dinner time rolled around, she probably thought, what am I going to do as not enough food in house for a meal for all, I’ll suggest takeaway, then you need to contribute.

@avamiah has said she was invited to dinner

Tohaveandtohold · 19/09/2022 04:01

Your friend is a CF for inviting you to dinner ( who I sounds like she was meant to cook), taking your gift and then asking you to pay half when what you ordered was even less, I feel she took advantage of you there and won’t be accepting a dinner invite in future from her

marblemad · 19/09/2022 04:06

People are answering mad on here! Yes fair enough if you have to pay your part so be it, but for a family of seven when I'm back at my parent's house plus my partner and 3 of my siblings are over 16, we only spend about 50 on a chinese, how on earth has she spent 90? Not only that but your part should have been proportional so even if kids were 10 each and adults 30, yours should have been around 40 percent which would have been no more than 35 really, given she invited you and had 40 of them eating I wouldn't have expected more than 20/25 for your part if she stipulated before hand.

marblemad · 19/09/2022 04:07

marblemad · 19/09/2022 04:06

People are answering mad on here! Yes fair enough if you have to pay your part so be it, but for a family of seven when I'm back at my parent's house plus my partner and 3 of my siblings are over 16, we only spend about 50 on a chinese, how on earth has she spent 90? Not only that but your part should have been proportional so even if kids were 10 each and adults 30, yours should have been around 40 percent which would have been no more than 35 really, given she invited you and had 40 of them eating I wouldn't have expected more than 20/25 for your part if she stipulated before hand.

4 of them eating*
10 percent 30 percent*

marblemad · 19/09/2022 04:12

Furries · 19/09/2022 03:38

And I REALLY want to know what was ordered for the bill to be that much - that’s a ridiculous amount for 2 adults and 4 kids.

This! Sounds like the bill was maybe more like 50/60 and she used the rest to by an eight!🙄

Mothership4two · 19/09/2022 04:12

Presume that your family all agree this beforehand @marblemad? OP has said she was invited to dinner not to share a takeaway and then overpay

Original poster
avamiah · 19/09/2022 04:13

anotherscroller · 19/09/2022 04:00

Originally I voted you were being unreasonable and then I changed my mind!

Thank you very much.

What made you change your mind?
Its Fine if you don’t want to say as I have been called a CF, 😮and some posters can be really nasty but everybody is allowed their opinion here within reason.

OP posts:
Mothership4two · 19/09/2022 04:18

@avamiah

I have been called a CF, 😮and some posters can be really nasty

Totally unnecessary but very MN. However I think maybe some people on here do regularly do this ie go to friend's houses or have them come to theirs and share takeaways so voted YABU. However, this wasn't your arrangement and you were invited to dinner so IMO she was the cheeky one not you

Original poster
avamiah · 19/09/2022 04:37

@Furries ,

Yes I agree with you and i have never heard of a takeaway bill that much ever in my life.
As this was from a restaurant which was pretty close by and easy to get to.

Anyway I ordered baby squid deep fried , spare ribs with chilli and special fried rice , we just had 3 dishes and shared a bit of crispy duck .

OP posts: