Being told I look middle class

[hasitreallybeenthatlong]

On a rare date night went out for a nice meal a bit fancy but it was OH birthday treat and went to a sports bar which had good music before we got the train home. I'm quite reserved and a bit uncomfortable in big settings so being in a city Center sports bar on a Saturday night was definitely out of my comfort zone, a very bubbly woman was chatting to me at the bar while we had drinks very out there but I found her really funny and we had a giggle, mid conversation she turned and said you look like you are very middle class, I just laughed in off not really knowing what she meant, I'm curious to know what she actually meant by this, just wondering if I give off a weird vibe for her to think this as I'm guessing it's not a compliment I think I took it as I am/look stuck up which is far from the truth so I would hate to give out that vibe!

The excuse for saying “could of” because it SOUNDS like the contraction is one that really annoys.

If you have been taught grammar you would never WRITE “could of” because it is simply nonsense.

🙄

But some people haven’t been taught grammar. Some people may have struggled badly at school. Some people didn’t have the correct environment to be able to take advantage of their education.

It doesn’t make you any cleverer to point out that other people aren’t as academic. If anything I think the first and most important thing you can learn is that there is no level playing field, and not everyone knows what you know, and others know lots that you don’t know.

To me, the grammar posturing is the exact same as ‘ooh I look middle class.’ It’s insecurity trying to find a foothold in somebody else’s perceived weaknesses, so you can use that foothold to pull yourself up and look better than others. ‘THAT person can’t even spell properly! Ooh that one is WORKING class. Thank god I’m better than them.’

When really if you’re happy with yourself you just don’t look at others to measure yourself.

I once got chatting to a straight girl in a gay bar as our respective best friends chatted each other up.

She took my hand in both of hers and said 'you are so sad'.

I was (and remain) annoyingly happy. I think the was probably just pissed.

Sounds las if you have a chip on your shoulder. Do you also think a “chest of drawers” is actually a “chester draws”? Do you, perhaps, say “To be pacific”?

Correction:

…as if…

How strange she’d even comment

No, I don’t tend to make any of those mistakes. I am studying for an English degree at the moment, so it’s important to me to always try to use correct SPAG, especially in written form. But I’m lucky to have always enjoyed reading and found it easy to pick up grammar just from reading and absorbing it. I’ve also never made the mistake of thinking that makes me superior to anybody else.

But you’re right that I have a chip on my shoulder of sorts - I’m really not keen on people mocking others for their supposed failings to make themselves look better. I think sneering at somebody for getting something wrong is often intended (by the sneerer) to make themselves look cleverer, but it really doesn’t have that effect.

“…so it’s important to me to always try to use correct SPAG, especially in written form.”

Best not to split the infinitive, then, if you’re trying to make a good impression!

You should revise commas, too. Oh - and do stop preaching!

Splitting infinitives isn't really considered 'incorrect' any more though.

A split infinitive doesn't make a sentence nonsensical in the way that "could of"/"would of"/"should of" do.

I don't think that saying "could of" makes someone inferior, but whether we like it or not it is probably seen as a class marker by many people. Knowing how to use words correctly is part of the hefty chunk of cultural capital that middle class people usually have.

That's how the UK class system works - a set of markers (clothing, accent etc.) are used as a proxy for determining status. Class markers have a huge influence on how someone is treated, and there is loads of research on this. Denying that it exists isn't going to do anything to change it.

You sound so unpleasant. I’m glad thinking that you know lots about grammar makes you feel a bit better. It’s hard when you need to scrabble for something to lift you above others. Shame you have to sneer and bitch about something so pathetic, but if you’re that small a person I suppose any little thing will do.

But just to pick up on your criticisms, a split infinitive is actually entirely appropriate in colloquial conversation. And I’m not trying to make a good impression - I really don’t care what somebody like you thinks of me.

I'd probably see it as a compliment. I'd see if as you looked well put together and polished.

Oh dear.

Re the split infinitive:

I am aware that it is not incorrect, particularly when writing informally.

However, the poster writes, “…so it’s important to me to always try to use correct SPAG, especially in written form.” I assumed from my reading of those words that she was heavily invested in being formal.

(This huffiness is tedious, incidentally.)

Oh gosh you’re the cleverest! What a clever cookie! Maybe if you hang around a sports bar somewhere a woman will pop up to tell you that you seem quite middle class.

When I was talking about written form it was in the context of the English degree in studying for, which I had mentioned in the same post. Obviously.

I have a degree in English from one of the ancient universities.

shrug

A clever cookie? You must be American…

I would too. I do aim for that look.

Oh the cruelest of put downs! Why would being American be anything to be ashamed of? I’m not, but I wouldn’t mind if I was.

All this nastiness just because I pointed out that putting others down doesn’t make you look better. It’s a shame that ‘ancient ancient university’ never managed to teach you any class in the real meaning of the word.

Gosh. You appear to have been rattled.

This is definitely code for: Boring

How is this thread still going?

Surely this wins the MN award for the most boring post to have lasted this long.

@Cam22

Yep. Was after the record. 👍🏻