Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be grumpy that my friend got the job?

753 replies

Champagnesupamother · 17/09/2022 08:46

After struggling at my current job for about three years (think toxic ‘we’re a family’, lots of pressure to go above and beyond your contractual employed hours for no reward but everyone does it so it’s expected.. low paid etc).

I finally decided enough was enough and I was super lucky to get an interview at another company that is a small start up, ethical and which had less hours. It would have been a 10k pay rise which meant a significant change to my circumstances. I was really excited and keeping all my toes crossed.
I told my best friend who I share pretty much everything with… and then she also applied too.

She ended up interviewing before me. Her interview ran 15 minutes over and though mine was an hour slot too, they wrapped things up at 45 mins to see the next candidate. Though my feedback was really positive and they will offer me a role, it just won’t be until possibly next year.

Instead my friend was successful. They just said right now she was a better fit, was more qualified. Which doesn’t make sense because I know that she isn’t. Her job is effectively collecting payments and receipts. while it is linked to my role, it isn’t the same as
her job and they will need to spent time training her. My current job and the new job would have been near identical roles. Meaning I could have hit the ground running.

Everyone was singing her praises because it seemed like much of what she said was all about how great I (as in me..) am at the job, and how much I (as in me) needed the job…

I feel really envious and almost like I’ve had the rug swept out from underneath of me and a really good opportunity taken from me. Though I know next year a job may be available, I don’t know if I would now accept it as effectively my friend would be senior to me and managing me.

Am I being unreasonable to be upset?
How do I handle the friendship from here as I feel so green faced. Is this even the real friendship that I thought it was?

OP posts:
monkeysox · 17/09/2022 10:54

She's not your friend . What a fucker why did you tell her.

CrabbitBastard · 17/09/2022 10:54

Your friend is a Debbie.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4168737-friend-got-job-she-knew-I-wanted

Mogginsthemog · 17/09/2022 10:54

If her skillset is that different then either she will fail at the job , or they've decided to change the job spec on the hoof? Is she definitely getting the higher salary?

Either way can you find a way to get out of the weekend you've booked with her?

MargotChateau · 17/09/2022 10:55

This would be unforgivable in my eyes and would cause an immediate end to my friendship if someone were to do this to me.

I was in a loosely similar position recently, a friend told me about a job she was going for that would have perfectly fit my niche skill set and experience, she had experience of only one area outline on the job outline, but I didn’t apply for it because I never would have known about it if she hadn’t shared it with me and I’m not a flaming arsehole.

Your friend is a slimy snake and there is no way she talked positively about you in the interview.

Changechangychange · 17/09/2022 10:56

billy1966 · 17/09/2022 10:46

Oh and I would be really questioning the start up actually appointing her.

Those jobs are very different and the attention to detail is critical.

That they would go with someone untested in this area is bizarre.

You may well have dodged a bullet.

DH has worked for a lot of start ups, and often the founder doing the interviews has no fucking clue how to assess competency - you get situations like a CTO with a developer background trying to appoint a graphic designer and project manager.

If this is an early-stage startup, it is entirely possible the interview panel don’t really understand the difference between what she currently does and what they need for their role. She works in mortgages, so she must know what she is doing, right?

CookieCoo · 17/09/2022 10:57

I can understand how that would upset you greatly. I’m interviewing at the moment for a role and that I know would also be perfect for one of my closest friends. I’m not mentioning it to her for this very reason!

RosetteNebula · 17/09/2022 10:59

What she did is unbelievably sly and I couldn't forgive that.

PassMeThePineapple · 17/09/2022 11:00

Id cool the friendship as trust would be lost.

CrabbitBastard · 17/09/2022 11:04

@Champagnesupamother please don't go away with her next weekend. She's not a friend. She'll probably brag about her new job and just make you feel shit. I'd find every way I could to get out of it. See if you can get any money back. Don't tell her until after you've cancelled. And look for another job. Don't wait for this one. They had their chance to recruit you and I know from experience that a job 'in the next year' never actually happens.

Pollydon · 17/09/2022 11:06

She is a shit friend who mentioned you in her interview, throwing you under the bus in the process.

mariominder · 17/09/2022 11:07

If I were on an interview panel (and I have been on many) I'd think very very carefully about taking on someone unprofessional enough to start talking about another candidate. Hugely sympathetic to you, OP, and the sense of disloyalty in a friend, but that's the bit that turns me sick.

olympicsrock · 17/09/2022 11:09

She is not your friend. She is an utter bitch - this was an awful thing to do.
I would cancel the weekend and tell her why. Whe can go alone or take someone in your place . Her mess and problem to solve.

butterfliedtwo · 17/09/2022 11:10

Pollydon · 17/09/2022 11:06

She is a shit friend who mentioned you in her interview, throwing you under the bus in the process.

Yeah, she's sly.

ParentallyUnprepared · 17/09/2022 11:10

Why did the recruiter tell you about another candidate?

Why did "everyone" tell you what she said in her interview?

Sounds really unprofessional by everyone so bullets dodged all round.

Sallyingon · 17/09/2022 11:11

There will be other jobs OP. Sorry this one went so horribly wrong. I wouldn't be able to get past it. She has been a snake

Vikinga · 17/09/2022 11:11

What a bitch! OP definitely cancel. If she can sneakily apply for the same jiv as you, you can cancel going

speakout · 17/09/2022 11:13

I know some of how you feel OP.
I had been looking for a complete change of direction in my/
career and confided in a good friend. A position of the type I had been waiting on for ages came up and I was excited. I had been preparing for a year or so, passed my driving test and
took additional qualifications to prepare me for the career move.
I was utterly gobsmacked when she breezily told me she had applied
too. I had only known about the vacancy because I dealt with the guy who was leaving, and he ( knowing my interest) gave me the heads up. So the position hadn'teven been advertised.
Friend and I were both interviewed, but neither of us were offered the position.
Our friendship never recovered.

HeckyPeck · 17/09/2022 11:13

napody · 17/09/2022 10:17

I also think it shows bad judgment of the company to hire someone who kept talking about another candidate. Especially as others have said in a 'nice' but potentially subtly undermining way. If I were interviewing I'd think that was really unprofessional?

I've been on lots of interview panels and 100% agree with this.

If someone came in talking about how much their friend needed the job, not only would I think they were unprofessional, but I'd also be wondering why they were applying for the job if they cared so much about their friend needing it. It would just make them sound phony.

Better off not working there I think OP and certainly better off without the "friend".

I would never in a million years apply for a job my friend had told me about and even more so if I knew my friend was struggling in a toxic work environment. That is not what friends do.

RethinkingLife · 17/09/2022 11:13

mariominder · 17/09/2022 11:07

If I were on an interview panel (and I have been on many) I'd think very very carefully about taking on someone unprofessional enough to start talking about another candidate. Hugely sympathetic to you, OP, and the sense of disloyalty in a friend, but that's the bit that turns me sick.

I'm surprised that the panel's training didn't tell them there was something wrong about this.

I was always told to be wary of people who make a strong connection with everyone on a panel very quickly as you may be in the presence of a a very skilled manipulator.

Talking about other candidates at this level of position would be a definite warning signal.

Summergirl5 · 17/09/2022 11:14

She’s not your friend
never was
a friend does not do that to another friend
the minute she applied for the job you had already applied for she was not your friend

Moonlightdust · 17/09/2022 11:15

People can say it’s a free country she had as much right as you to apply, but the fact you confided in her as a friend that you were excitedly applying and she then did too (sounds like only because she heard about it through you) is not really what a good friend would do. Sorry OP I think I’d be upset too.

HeckyPeck · 17/09/2022 11:17

Oh and I was definitely cancel the weekend. I'd like and say I had Covid then phase her out as she sounds the type to spread it around in the industry that you're jealous or being mean etc 🙄

EfficientDynamics · 17/09/2022 11:18

Next time keep things to yourself

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 17/09/2022 11:20

Anything you say to her will be used against you, so no explanatory emails etc. Covid is a good idea, sick and cant come. Then never bother with her again. You have to protect yourself against people like this, they will always take an opportunity to advance themselves at your expense.

Flangelasashes · 17/09/2022 11:20

Keep your beak closed in future and never mention your plans to others. Tell them after the fact. She is a lousy, slithery friend and she more or less shafted you.

Covid the weekend. I wouldn’t want to spend a minute with the sly dog.

Swipe left for the next trending thread