To be grumpy that my friend got the job?

[Champagnesupamother]

After struggling at my current job for about three years (think toxic ‘we’re a family’, lots of pressure to go above and beyond your contractual employed hours for no reward but everyone does it so it’s expected.. low paid etc).

I finally decided enough was enough and I was super lucky to get an interview at another company that is a small start up, ethical and which had less hours. It would have been a 10k pay rise which meant a significant change to my circumstances. I was really excited and keeping all my toes crossed.
I told my best friend who I share pretty much everything with… and then she also applied too.

She ended up interviewing before me. Her interview ran 15 minutes over and though mine was an hour slot too, they wrapped things up at 45 mins to see the next candidate. Though my feedback was really positive and they will offer me a role, it just won’t be until possibly next year.

Instead my friend was successful. They just said right now she was a better fit, was more qualified. Which doesn’t make sense because I know that she isn’t. Her job is effectively collecting payments and receipts. while it is linked to my role, it isn’t the same as
her job and they will need to spent time training her. My current job and the new job would have been near identical roles. Meaning I could have hit the ground running.

Everyone was singing her praises because it seemed like much of what she said was all about how great I (as in me..) am at the job, and how much I (as in me) needed the job…

I feel really envious and almost like I’ve had the rug swept out from underneath of me and a really good opportunity taken from me. Though I know next year a job may be available, I don’t know if I would now accept it as effectively my friend would be senior to me and managing me.

Am I being unreasonable to be upset?
How do I handle the friendship from here as I feel so green faced. Is this even the real friendship that I thought it was?

She chose the job over your friendship. That tells you everything.

I really doubt she spent her interview bigging you up. They'd think she was a fawning loon if she'd really done that.

I'd pull out. I really can't be doing with having to "play nice" in situations like this

Tell her you're not sure it was a good fit for you anyway, as you had some concerns about their responses in the interview and about the company at large...

Then just smile. Doesn't have to be true.

She was grasping and underhand. You cannot trust her.

Do cancel and say you need to job hunt! Don’t waste your weekend having to falsify yourself for the benefit of someone who has undermined you in the most direct and unashamed way!

The fact the job was open to anyone to apply is irrelevant.
You don't put yourself in a position to compete with a friend and potentially cause them pain.
There is something called loyalty which I see is something many don't possess.
Too many people are out for themselves.

You have every right to feel hurt. A friend would not do this. I suggest you ditch this person in your life, give up on that workplace and wait for another opportunity whilst making new friends.

I think the issue here is that you're not willing to be honest. True friends should be able to be honest.

She was really sneaky going for the job without telling you. The fact she got it is a slap in the face but the issue is she went behind your back.

I think you need to be open, honest, assertive and brave and have a conversation with her. Just calmly tell her that you feel hurt by her actions and you are struggling to feel happy for her due to the underhand way she went about things which were unacceptable. You don't need to make things right between you. It's on her.

But I couldn't go on with a pretence. That's doing a disservice to yourself. You owe it to yourself to assert your boundaries here. Let's see if she accepts she behaved badly and apologises (in which case you can decide if you want to move on) or not.

Yeah she's going to struggle. 😂Look at this way, you get to laugh from the sidelines while she fucks everything up.

This OP.

She is not your friend.

She is an absolute snake and I feel so sorry for you.

I hope she falls on her arse.

Cancel the weekend.

Tell her that you no longer have any interest.

There is nothing to be gained by pretending this relationship is anything other than over.

SHE has killed the friendship by her actions.

Praising you and telling of your desperation for the job? WTF?

A snake.

I'm so sorry.

Start job hunting and focus on other relationships because this one is over.

They bloody aren’t comparable and she’s got a brass neck.

She’s no friend of yours.

Your "friend sounds devious and the company and interview situation sounds weird and unprofessional. I think you have dodged a bullet in not getting a job with this company. Ditch the so called 'friend" and start job hunting for a position at a company that knows how to conduct professional interviews.

Oh and I would be really questioning the start up actually appointing her.

Those jobs are very different and the attention to detail is critical.

That they would go with someone untested in this area is bizarre.

You may well have dodged a bullet.

She's no friend. Also I would not do the weekend, just cancel or go without her if it's in your name.

You have every right to feel hurt, OP. I would have felt the same.

First things first: On the morning of your departure for your weekend away phone her and cancel because you did a COVID test and it was positive. Leave it to the very last minute.

Then bin the bitch. She ain’t no friend of yours.

I am a great believer that things happen for a reason. I have been gutted not to get a job in the past only to realise later that it was actually the best thing that could have happened. Empty words I know, but also very true.

By the sound of it she is going to fail in any case, and that will be your ultimate revenge. The universe has already conspired to rid you of this snake forever. Be thankful it happened before she could do you even more harm.

Just be aware she might come asking questions about how to do her job especially as she doesn't have the same experience you do

Then either

• the new company are incompetent employers

or

• she lied about her skillset

In neither scenario do you want a job there, not now and certainly not in 6 months, when she’s screwed it up.

Hi, OP -

I also think that your so-called friend set out to undermine you in her interview. The fact that it may have worked says something troubling about the firm.

Your latest post suggests that your friend may be lacking the skills for the job. This could come to light and get her into trouble pretty quickly. Sounds like they deserve each other.

I think that if you cancel the trip because of your highly understandable feelings your friend will broadcast your sore loser status far and wide. This is the last thing you need. Yet you have many, many valid reasons not to go on the weekend with her. Indeed, to do so would send the message that you are to be walked over. You are not to be walked over! Personally I would just be testing positive or something.

She isn’t your friend not by a long shot. If she had any decency as a friend she wouldn’t have applied for the job in the first place. Bin her off OP. 🗑

Ghost the friend and look for other jobs.

It’s a shitty thing to do. It’s up there with telling a friend you fancy someone and them going after him, or showing them a house you want to buy and them gazumping you. It says a lot about who they are as a person, and certainly whether or not you felt you could trust them.

PS-

If your friend gets into trouble with this job through a lack of knowledge, don’t you dare help her!

Well technically she hasn’t done anything wrong (although talking about you in the interview sounds weird) but you’re not unreasonable to be upset.
I wouldn’t try too hard to feign happiness though. Maybe be honest with her that you’ve struggled with it a bit, then try to avoid the topic. And obvs don’t confide stuff in her again.

Sounds like the company is actually clueless, she whiteanted you in the interview and you are well rid of both the potential company and the friendship.

Pull out of the weekend and kill the friendship.

Look for other jobs.

I work in another area of the industry and honestly she is going to struggle in that role.

I would be gutted if I were you OP.
Think you got every right to be upset.

I'd do this. Give her the money back and bin her.

She is not your friend.
Don't be hers.