To be grumpy that my friend got the job?

[Champagnesupamother]

After struggling at my current job for about three years (think toxic ‘we’re a family’, lots of pressure to go above and beyond your contractual employed hours for no reward but everyone does it so it’s expected.. low paid etc).

I finally decided enough was enough and I was super lucky to get an interview at another company that is a small start up, ethical and which had less hours. It would have been a 10k pay rise which meant a significant change to my circumstances. I was really excited and keeping all my toes crossed.
I told my best friend who I share pretty much everything with… and then she also applied too.

She ended up interviewing before me. Her interview ran 15 minutes over and though mine was an hour slot too, they wrapped things up at 45 mins to see the next candidate. Though my feedback was really positive and they will offer me a role, it just won’t be until possibly next year.

Instead my friend was successful. They just said right now she was a better fit, was more qualified. Which doesn’t make sense because I know that she isn’t. Her job is effectively collecting payments and receipts. while it is linked to my role, it isn’t the same as
her job and they will need to spent time training her. My current job and the new job would have been near identical roles. Meaning I could have hit the ground running.

Everyone was singing her praises because it seemed like much of what she said was all about how great I (as in me..) am at the job, and how much I (as in me) needed the job…

I feel really envious and almost like I’ve had the rug swept out from underneath of me and a really good opportunity taken from me. Though I know next year a job may be available, I don’t know if I would now accept it as effectively my friend would be senior to me and managing me.

Am I being unreasonable to be upset?
How do I handle the friendship from here as I feel so green faced. Is this even the real friendship that I thought it was?

The OP wrote that her 'friend' told the interviewers that OP needed the job.

OP ask her friend why she was talking about you in the interview, no real friend would disrespect you and ruin your chances by claiming you were desperate. Then cut her out.

Agree. People saying it’s OK presumably treat their own friendships with this lack of sensitivity

Sorry read it again and misunderstood first time. Actually I can’t believe that the interviewing panel seemed to think it was Ok for the “ friend” to discuss another colleague in a job interview. It’s either a dodgy set up or friend is pathetically lying to OP to pretend she was speaking up for her but hey she’s sorry that they liked her better. Is she about 15 years old?

Bye bye old friend.

What sort of company would listen to an interviewee talk about a colleague in an interview and think their comments, positive or negative, professionally relevant? It’s not done. If I was interviewing, and I’ve been in that role several times, I would read it as manipulative. Completely strange behaviour. But I think she’s lying to OP. Trying to cover her feelings of guilt. I think move on from company and “friend”. Don’t make a fuss. Just get a better life.

Trying to follow this post it seems to have collapsed into internal bickering. Poor OP posted for support towards her difficult situation . Keep to the post!!!

Yanbu

It might be challenging, but if it were me I would tell her straight how I feel. The friendship may or may not continue.

If you don’t want to go for the weekend away, don’t. What’s sauce for the goose etc…did she think of you re the job? No. So you can also put yourself first.

I am so annoyed with your friend even though we are all internet strangers!

I wouldn't go for the weekend with this "freind", see if you can claim your expenses back
She does not deserve your friendship and she's not trust worthy. Would she do the same with your partner/ prospective partner?

This is spot on. Really leaves that bad taste in your mouth. You are within your rights to feel this way. I expect you will be much cooler with her now. It is warranted. However don’t stay angry as the only person that poisons is you.

Quite!

It would never occur to me to apply for the same job as my best friend, after my best friend had specifically told me all about that job and how much she wanted it. And to do it so sneakily behind OP’s back without even having the decency to tell OP she wanted to apply.

And whilst nobody can ‘gatekeep’ a job and it’s open to all to apply, OP’s friend knew nothing about the role until OP told her she was applying.

The fact the friend kept quiet about applying for the role herself and it only came to light because of the recruiter, just shows that this was an underhanded move and the friend knows it. Because otherwise she’d have just said to OP “Ooh that actually sounds like a role I’d really like to apply for, would you mind if I put in an application?”. But she kept schtum because she knew what she was doing was a shitty thing to do to your best friend.

I’ve just managed to leave a terribly toxic work. & get myself a job with better hours, more money & better prospects. •lots of my colleagues weee also looking to leave. When I found this job I didn’t tell a soul until the application process had closed.

I’m a very open person & known for blurting things out, so I found it very difficult to keep quiet & for some reason I felt sneaky for keeping it to myself.

But I would have been devastated if one of my colleagues had got the job because I had told them about it.

Before I found this job my friend had applied for an admin job near me. She wasn’t sure if she wanted it. I said if you decide not to please let me know as I might apply for it. In the end she took the the job & it’s worked out well for both of us.

About 18 years ago my husband applied for a management role. It was really good money & brilliant for his career advancement. It was just after we had got married & we’re trying for a baby. So it would have allowed me to be able to drop to part time following us having a child.

My husband didn’t get this job & I’m fact it went to my old boss instead. My husband & i met working in the same industry.

This women wasn’t great when I worked with her, but she was given the job based on her age & experience. In the feedback my husband was told that he gave a brilliant interview & it was because this lady had more experience that they went with her.

But this lady wasn’t good at her job & spent more time outside smoking then she did working, despite putting on an extra couple of hours a day overtime. They sacked her after 3 months & contacted my husband to offer him the job. He had reservations but he took it. He ended up having a fantastic time there. He got 3 promotions. It was a really good working environment. They were generous with their salary increases. But most importantly they were really family oriented. We went on to have 4 children & each time they gave him a really generous paternity leave. And when he was really ill with a balance problem they gave him 3 months paid time off & a flexible return to work agreement.

So my point is that your friend actually may not be right for this job. She may have given the most fantastic interview. But she may not actually be able to cut the mustard when it comes to doing the role.

I would expect that she may even approach you to ask for help if she is struggling. Be sure not to offer her any help or advice. Just be vague & dismissive. If you are still talking of course!

So my point is that your friend actually may not be right for this job. She may have given the most fantastic interview. But she may not actually be able to cut the mustard when it comes to doing the role.

I would expect that she may even approach you to ask for help if she is struggling. Be sure not to offer her any help or advice. Just be vague & dismissive. If you are still talking of course!

I agree!

Wow, this thread has moved on since I posted. Although I am against the friend’s application in this very particular circumstance given the complex set of reasons (which appear to include her own lack of qualifications for the job - in response to PPs I don’t think you can ‘mould’ or train someone up in underwriting absent a competent senior, and given the OP’s qualifications I don’t have the impression there is one), that is the least of it.

It is striking that in her initial post the OP reported the friend’s comments about her naively, whereas most of us read them as undermining. It is even more striking that the friend’s biggest defender, @Zone2NorthLondon , singularly and repeatedly failed over many, many posts to address this aspect of the friend’s behaviour. She has a good vocabulary but her arguments are not impressive.

My belief in the OP’s report is very high, largely because at first she did not seem to recognise the great harm done to her by the reports of the friend’s comments. I stand by my earlier statement and that of other PPs that a firm conducting such an interview, then gossiping about it, and the former friend are two of a kind. Neither sound like they know much about what they are about. I hope the OP gets another job soon and realises she has dodged a bullet.

She could've been honest and said oh I loved the look of that job so I ended up applying myself

IMO it looks unprofessional to keep discussing another candidate in your own interview.et alone the recruiter telling the OP that she was discussed during the friends interview. It's basically a breach of confidentiality of what occurred in the friends interview.

Unfortunately hiring managers seem to fall for candidates that can talk the talk. However those candidates often tend to be just talk and no action. To be frank they are life's bullsh*tters who are often lazy and pass the buck to others but take the credit

Most competent employers will carry out a technical interview to see if you can actually do the job - either giving you an actual exercise to do, or “asking about a time when” you did something job-specific.

Again, the fact that these employers didn’t do any of that, despite hiring for a very specialist role, makes it sound like this job will probably turn out to be a lot less wonderful than OP imagines.

She's no friend imo

It turned out that a friend and I interviewed for the same job without realising.i ended up not taking it for a couple of reasons, but the fact it wouldve felt weird did factor in too

This "

I can’t understand how she even got the job from what you’ve said, but yeah, she’s a bitch.

What a snake. No real friend. I'd ghost her and look for a job in a different company.

This has been quite the thread for hysterical hyperbole, you’d think the friend had breached article 3
Accusations of back stabbing, duplicity, and murky behaviours. More front than an estate agent.
Friend demonised and her actions compared to gazumping, adultery, and accused of more subterfuge than MI5
Coachloads of posters getting aerated and feverishly defending the op and her entitlement to a publicly adevertised job. Much is made of yea but,no but the friend didn’t disclose her intentions, seek permission to apply, or step aside for her friend.
Much is made of pinky promises, BFF and girl code to explain why women must acquiesce and under no circumstances consider their own needs. Friendship is apparently measured by giving things up, and demonstrated by a febrile devotion and being a martyr.
I will of course tenaciously defend the friend and observe no wonder friend was circumspect given how op has over reacted. Friendship isn’t about tip toeing around someone else sensibilities and making sure you never ever rock the boat. Friendship is the ability to occasionally have difficult conversations and remain in overall mutual agreement.

Are you on glue?

you must make adults quake with your searing pithy observations @Ishacoco

@Ishacoco 🤣🤣🤣