To be grumpy that my friend got the job?

[Champagnesupamother]

After struggling at my current job for about three years (think toxic ‘we’re a family’, lots of pressure to go above and beyond your contractual employed hours for no reward but everyone does it so it’s expected.. low paid etc).

I finally decided enough was enough and I was super lucky to get an interview at another company that is a small start up, ethical and which had less hours. It would have been a 10k pay rise which meant a significant change to my circumstances. I was really excited and keeping all my toes crossed.
I told my best friend who I share pretty much everything with… and then she also applied too.

She ended up interviewing before me. Her interview ran 15 minutes over and though mine was an hour slot too, they wrapped things up at 45 mins to see the next candidate. Though my feedback was really positive and they will offer me a role, it just won’t be until possibly next year.

Instead my friend was successful. They just said right now she was a better fit, was more qualified. Which doesn’t make sense because I know that she isn’t. Her job is effectively collecting payments and receipts. while it is linked to my role, it isn’t the same as
her job and they will need to spent time training her. My current job and the new job would have been near identical roles. Meaning I could have hit the ground running.

Everyone was singing her praises because it seemed like much of what she said was all about how great I (as in me..) am at the job, and how much I (as in me) needed the job…

I feel really envious and almost like I’ve had the rug swept out from underneath of me and a really good opportunity taken from me. Though I know next year a job may be available, I don’t know if I would now accept it as effectively my friend would be senior to me and managing me.

Am I being unreasonable to be upset?
How do I handle the friendship from here as I feel so green faced. Is this even the real friendship that I thought it was?

While I understand that you'd usually share lots of exciting news with such a close friend, if she works in a very similar role to you, you mention a great role with a sparky start-up locally, with a thumping great salary to boot....why on earth would you risk that?!?

Because you expect her not to have a pop just because you've applied already?

I understand you feel a bit betrayed, but she's allowed to feel undervalued in her current role too. So if you're in not dissimilar jobs, should have kept it to yourself until it was in the bag.

Sorry though 💐 Take the interview practice and maybe focus on what you're expecting to learn and grow with in a new role, not just that you already know how to do it with your eyes shut? Good luck with the job hunt anyway!

Ok I haven't rtft but...has your 'friend' acknowledged that you might be feeling a bit sad that she totally fucked you over? Is it even on the table as a discussion point?!

Also, how on earth did she pitch to you that she was even planning to apply for a job that you told her about?! Surely the awkwardness started there?

Absolutely no way is she unaware of how shitty this situation is.

Yeah i would be pretty pissed off if one of my friends did this to me!

She's not your friend. That was a shitty move.

May the bridges you burn light the way! Cut her off - cancel the weekend away - so what if you lose money ect. Know your own worth and don’t spend or waste your time around snakes. I hope you have other true friends that wouldn’t stab you in the back like this one has. All the other people above saying congratulate her, she could apply for any job she likes ect what a load of absolute shite!!!! Burn that bridge and don’t look back xxx

Tell her you;re envious , and have your weekend ..see how it goes . It sounds as if you didn't mind her applying , as you didn't think she had a chance . whereas the prospective employer obviously saw something she had that they wanted . She's a long term friend ,Wish her well ,

They're best friends not colleagues as I understand it. You're right to be guarded around colleagues I think, but I don't think it's unreasonable to share with your best friend. The OP said in the first post, they share everything normally.

She is no friend of yours. Drop her immediately.

I wouldn’t have told her about the other opportunity and to be honest, a real friend wouldn’t have applied. Plus confused why she was telling them about how desperate you were for the role in her interview, feels like she set you up and put a nail in the coffin for you. I would be pissed too. She isn’t a friend, move on and get rid.

This. I’m not surprised you’re disappointed and a bit resentful, but I’d focus on on why you (presumably) performed less well at interview than your friend did, if in fact you’re better qualified for the specific role. You seem to be assuming the job would have been yours if she hadn’t got it, and to be blaming her for her interview overrunning at the expense of your time slot.

Hi OP, has your friend shown any remorse/guilt or even expressed an understanding of how shit you may be feeling?

Everyone of course thinks of themselves in the grand scheme of things but if this situation was reversed I would feel terrible for the other person and make sure they knew it.

Her attitude would be a factor for me as to whether I would continue any type of relationship with her.

Agree with some previous posters that karma can be a bitch and that if she has talked her way into a job she’s not up to at your expense then it will come back to bite her on the bum, so sit tight!

Totally agree with this. What a sneaky selfish thing to do. Ditch Frenimies as soon as they reveal themselves.

She's just talked a good
Job . Wether she can do it is another thing .

She's not your friend

It's that simple.

And discussing your merits and how you really need the job is sly and manipulative. I'd say the friend and the job aren't for you. Move on. You'll look back on this as one of those things that was meant to be.

Good luck on your job search

Why would her friend mention all this in an interview? I bet she didn't . I bet she slagged her friend down

Frenemy

At one of my office jobs I mentioned I was interested in a job advertised in another company some way away in the North. One of my co-workers butted in and rubbished working there and the location in the country. Well, I applied and got the job and it was great, but before I actually left one of my other colleagues mentioned that the person who butted in was asking about it with the intention of applying. Fortunately he was unsuccessful. It is odd about job jealousy. Some people are quite hypocritical.

I totally understand your feelings. Friends can work in the same industry and interview for the same jobs. It’s very normal and possible to compete for the same job when both are aware of each other’s application.

However, your friend only knew about the job because you told her that you were applying for it, it was your news about what was happening in your life, how much you thought you would like the job, how much of a difference the job would have made to your life. Given that the job wasn’t a match for her current role I don’t think a true friend would/should have applied for the job.
If she had said to you that she was thinking of applying that would give her some credibility, even still, I expect you would have struggled to feel ok about it.

it comes down to morals and how we each view friendship. Some of us would consider our friends feelings important enough to have a conversation about applying for the same job before finding out second hand. I guess not everyone views friendship in the same way.

I think it’s ok to be honest with her and tell her that you don’t want to fall out but feel that you need to be honest about why you are miffed with her to help you get past those feelings.

I hope you find another role that suits you and that you enjoy your weekend. 😊

you’re going obviously invested in the friendship or you wouldn’t be spending the weekend away with her. Did she know how important the job was to you- that you left the last job as a result of them not valuing employees/ being exploitative? Is this a direct betrayal or more like an unfortunate coincidence.

I think a rigid boundary would end the friendship so I would think carefully about what you are prepared to deal with in terms of emotional drama. If you feel like you need more time to process you could always cancel in regards to your health and tell her you need some time to yourself.

It might be interesting to keep options open so you can learn why she did this, whether it not it was intentional, and if she had the emotional maturity or not to witness you in your real feelings. I think it will hurt you to be pretending to be happy for her when you feel envious. Of course that’s not your emotional truth and it could feel like self betrayal. I would either cancel the weekend away or get prepared to have it out with her. It may be she’s into power games- but also she could be clueless. This is an opportunity for both of you to learn something. good luck.

Wow that is really awful of her to apply for the very job she knew you wanted so much. Not sure what kind of friend that is to be honest. I'm sorry this has happened. If you feel able to I'd tell her you are really upset by this situation. Unfortunately, though, I think this person is pretty selfish and given she has done this is probably oblivious to how inappropriate her actions are.

Kick her in to touch as they say. I think it was an awful thing to do. I wouldn't want to have anything to do with her again. But remember, don't ever tell anyone again when you are applying for a new job.

Ditch the bitch. She’s no friend. Don’t go on the weekend, it will be really awkward. I’d tell her why as well.

It was a job”friend” may not have even thought to apply for if OP hadn’t shared her hopes and excitement with her. Sounds as though they didn’t get equal interview time either which is not on.

She might have been a better fit for personal reasons. Maybe she fitted in the team better than you...

It is a bit cheeky she went for the same job
But at the same time. If you really are friends. Youd be happy for her. (And you are allowed to be jealous of course)

Good point I agree but I think the OP meant that the friend told of her own need for the job not OPs. Still weird it’s not a remark which is appropriate to make in an interview just sounds needy .