To be grumpy that my friend got the job?

[Champagnesupamother]

After struggling at my current job for about three years (think toxic ‘we’re a family’, lots of pressure to go above and beyond your contractual employed hours for no reward but everyone does it so it’s expected.. low paid etc).

I finally decided enough was enough and I was super lucky to get an interview at another company that is a small start up, ethical and which had less hours. It would have been a 10k pay rise which meant a significant change to my circumstances. I was really excited and keeping all my toes crossed.
I told my best friend who I share pretty much everything with… and then she also applied too.

She ended up interviewing before me. Her interview ran 15 minutes over and though mine was an hour slot too, they wrapped things up at 45 mins to see the next candidate. Though my feedback was really positive and they will offer me a role, it just won’t be until possibly next year.

Instead my friend was successful. They just said right now she was a better fit, was more qualified. Which doesn’t make sense because I know that she isn’t. Her job is effectively collecting payments and receipts. while it is linked to my role, it isn’t the same as
her job and they will need to spent time training her. My current job and the new job would have been near identical roles. Meaning I could have hit the ground running.

Everyone was singing her praises because it seemed like much of what she said was all about how great I (as in me..) am at the job, and how much I (as in me) needed the job…

I feel really envious and almost like I’ve had the rug swept out from underneath of me and a really good opportunity taken from me. Though I know next year a job may be available, I don’t know if I would now accept it as effectively my friend would be senior to me and managing me.

Am I being unreasonable to be upset?
How do I handle the friendship from here as I feel so green faced. Is this even the real friendship that I thought it was?

That person is not your friend. I’ve learnt in life to keep things guarded until they are done for this very reason. However I do believe in the saying “what’s for you will not pass you by”. Sometimes missing out on something is a blessing in disguise. I believe you’ll find something even better than what you think you’ve lost. All the best for the future and next time please don’t tell her.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable for feeling let down and resentful. Some people just interview better than others, and if she’s not as good as she appeared they’ll soon realise. I would start looking for other jobs rather than relying on this company. There may be something even better around the corner.

And re-examine your friendship. If you generally like this friend give yourself time to heal and then carry on the friendship and get an inside view of the business. If you think the friendship is over then start to detach yourself

What a dreadful post.

Maybe they didn’t want someone who already knew job and wanted someone fresh that they can mould
maybe they thought by hiring u you would bring bad habits or stuff from your old job that Can put off potential new employers maybe she came across as fresh how do you know if she did not apply for the job that you would’ve got it anyway?
Stop overthinking it

OP, your ‘friend is a see you next Tuesday in no uncertain terms and if it were me I’d be furious, feeling green faced too and wouldn’t be going with them on the weekend.

How nasty and mean. They knew what they were doing. I wonder if they spoke about you in a ‘poor Champagnesupamother, they’ve had it so hard’ way, making themselves seem like a nice caring person and throwing you under the bus at the same time.

Regard this it’s like stealing a man hysteria Jobs are advertised and candidates apply, and are appointed
Partners are not appointed and allocated by a panel to the best scoring applicant
Jobs are evidently not sentient and don’t have emotions. A job is essentially undertaking duties in exchange for money. Financial remuneration for labour
Partners are not exchanged for money, they are sentient and have emotions

so in essence being unsuccessful in a job is disppointing but it’s incomparable with a friend gaoing off with your partner

Finally a person isn’t stolen or spirited away by a sexual temptress. People leave by choice they go because they want to. If a partner were to leave its because they want to

She’s a frenemy and you’re well rid.
It shows what a nice person you are to consider remaining friends after this dick move.
Hope you find a better job soon - and a better friend!
”Fall ill” right before your trip away. Forget about the money, your mental health and self respect are more important.

Your friendship has just changed, big time, & personally I wouldn’t feel like I could trust her again, which is sad.

As you have been friends for, what seems like, a long time I would have already told her how blindsided i felt that she applied for the same job in the 1st place & let her know that i would never have done that to her.
While telling her that I was very hurt by the whole situation i would also let her know that i am happy she is getting out of the place you were both unhappy working.

The company she has taken the new job with will soon find out that she is not the person they are looking for if she is not capable of the job.
What you may then find yourself in is a moral dilemma/choice/type of situation because if she is in over her head who do you thing she will come to for ‘free training’.
From this point you can be a better friend that she was or a bitch. You can coach/help her with information about your job or you can let her sink.

Look back over your friendship… has she been using you for one ups the whole time?

I’d hold out for the year but also apply for other jobs in the mean time. Anywhere is better than a toxic work environment 😘

It's a very strange thing to do to go in direct competition with a friend if there is only one job going. It would have been different if it would have been a coincidence that you were both applying. But you told her you were applying first, then she applied and used her knowledge of your personal situation (how much you needed the job) in the recruitment process and told third parties about that. Being desperate for a job always looks.... desperate...and it's not a good look in a recruitment process. Under the disguise of caring for you she actually worsened your chances. Even if she didn't she has no business telling third parties about your personal affairs.
I would cool the friendship right off. I would 'get sick' before the planned weekend and pretty much cut her off. God knows what else she will tell a prospective employer about your personal affairs. Your industry might be small and word might get round. I would focus on trying to find another job in a different company. I would not go to work with her. She is not your friend and will likely be not a good colleague to you because she knows too much and is happy to use it - not always in your favour.

Not a friend but a work colleague and I went for the same job, I'm useless at interviews and due to the circumstances i kind of had to go for the job, but really wasnt uber keen. In saying that I swatted my butt off for it but she still got it. She became my boss. I congratulated her and shook her hand. I wasnt looking forward to her being my boss but anyway she was. Turned out to be an absolute nightmare for her. An utter shot show. I didnt wallow in joy that that happened, supported her as best I could , but omg did I thank my lucky stars I didnt get that job. So bear that in mind, it might not be everything its cracked up to be.

OP you dodged a bullet. One door closes, another opens and your next opportunity will be a better fit for you - just don’t tell your friend about it till it’s a done deal! If you go away together next weekend you are perfectly entitled to say how you feel but wish her luck. From what you say she’s going to need it.

She is not your friend. A friend would have supported you through the application process - not competed with you. You owe her nothing. You do not have to be happy for her and you do not have to spend the weekend with her. Tell her how disappointed you are that she went up against you for a job she knew you wanted - it wasn’t as if she came across the job independently, she only knew about it because you were applying. That’s very bad form. Good luck in your future job hunting.

I have suspicions. Was once told a story where everyone had to reapply for their own job and both the Manager and the Assistant Manager applied for the Manager's job. To be fair, they didn't use local HR so had no idea who was who. Both gave excellent interviews and they couldn't separate them because the AM was pretending he'd done the Manager's job in the interview. They eventually asked outright about accountability and realised the AM was lying about the rest. I suspect your friend knows you well enough to pretend to know your job. If she hasn't got what it takes I am sure it will show the minute she actually has to do the job. The Company may very well turn around and see she's faking it, and may offer you the job. If not, you had a lucky escape! You have to question your friendship though. I don't think I could do that to my best friend, it's like going for a boy they know you fancy - it's just not on! (I had the boy version happen but they asked me if it was okay which it was).

They wrapped your interview up to see the next candidate, they could have done the same for her but didn't; they clearly liked what she was saying and saw potential in her. Maybe she over sold herself and this will become apparent when she's in post or maybe she'll excell in the role.

If it were me i would feel exactly the same as you and struggle to maintain the friendship but from a detached opinion she's not really done anything wrong. I assume she applied because she wanted the opportunity for herself not with intention of spite otherwise that would be next level commitment to change jobs and spend the next few years doing a job you didn't want purely to spite your friend.

You told her about a better job for more pay and now you are mad because she applied and got it.

EVERYONE knows better than to advertise a job opportunity to their colleagues surely.

@Champagnesupamother a similar thing happened to me in that a colleague got a job rather than me and the interviewers were raving about her when I had my interview as she must have been able to talk the talk.
Six months later they came cap in hand to me as she hadn’t worked out.
Your opportunity with this company might come sooner than expected so keep things light and positive.

I wouldn't apply for a job my friend said she was applying for, its not the done thing. Pretty shitty friend.

From the way you have described the job (less hours and more pay) I can totally see why your friend wanted to go for it.

Morally though this does not sit right. I definitely would expect tension in a relationship if I had done this. I absolutely would not expect my friend to be ok with it and I'd know what I'd done was very sly and underhand.

She's no friend, I'd say she's a cow for doing that and end the 'friendship'...who needs friends like that?

I'd be pissed off too tbh so can understand how you feel. I also agree that I don't think I'd want her to be senior to me after what's happened. I think that although you are probably more experienced she was probably better at selling herself at interview. I find this really annoying as I'm not the best at interviews myself and at my company I've seen people get promoted who I've trained or worked with and now they aren't great yet they are now a grade or two higher than me. Carry on looking and get more interview practice. They say things happen for a reason and maybe there is a job out there that's a better fit for you.
It sounds like your so called friend has stabbed you in the back.

I would never knowingly apply for a job that a friend told me they were applying for. I think if you both applied for the same one by chance, that's different, but your friend doesn't sound like a good friend.

This happened to me. You are not being unreasonable. In my case I never spoke to my “friend” again. However she did me a favour as I went on to get a job that suited me far better so maybe not all is lost.

I would bide your time TBH , they may find her not suitable when she starts as she hasn't had the hands on experience and move her to another role or even terminate her contract and the end of her probation period. Would you accept the job offer then? Also when you are away and after she starts don't let her pick your brain about the way to do the job. You can distance yourself a bit from the relationship after the holiday citing pressure of work and job hunting.

What an odd thing for a friend to do. Friends don’t apply for jobs that their friend has just applied for.

This.