To be grumpy that my friend got the job?

[Champagnesupamother]

After struggling at my current job for about three years (think toxic ‘we’re a family’, lots of pressure to go above and beyond your contractual employed hours for no reward but everyone does it so it’s expected.. low paid etc).

I finally decided enough was enough and I was super lucky to get an interview at another company that is a small start up, ethical and which had less hours. It would have been a 10k pay rise which meant a significant change to my circumstances. I was really excited and keeping all my toes crossed.
I told my best friend who I share pretty much everything with… and then she also applied too.

She ended up interviewing before me. Her interview ran 15 minutes over and though mine was an hour slot too, they wrapped things up at 45 mins to see the next candidate. Though my feedback was really positive and they will offer me a role, it just won’t be until possibly next year.

Instead my friend was successful. They just said right now she was a better fit, was more qualified. Which doesn’t make sense because I know that she isn’t. Her job is effectively collecting payments and receipts. while it is linked to my role, it isn’t the same as
her job and they will need to spent time training her. My current job and the new job would have been near identical roles. Meaning I could have hit the ground running.

Everyone was singing her praises because it seemed like much of what she said was all about how great I (as in me..) am at the job, and how much I (as in me) needed the job…

I feel really envious and almost like I’ve had the rug swept out from underneath of me and a really good opportunity taken from me. Though I know next year a job may be available, I don’t know if I would now accept it as effectively my friend would be senior to me and managing me.

Am I being unreasonable to be upset?
How do I handle the friendship from here as I feel so green faced. Is this even the real friendship that I thought it was?

100%. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if she starts picking the OP’s brains.

If you both worked in the same company and similar roles, it would be rational that you would both likely apply for a great opportunity when it came up.

If you told your friend about the amazing opportunity for you, and (especially knowing your current situation) she took it upon herself to seek then out the same opportunity and apply for it, (whether she was successful or not) then something is very wrong with her.

Anyone with that moral compass would probably sleep with your partner too. Kick her to the curb.

I think this too. Saying in an interview you much you “need” the job is frankly weird. If she thinks you need the job why did she apply ? It just sounds manipulative and like an attempt to put you down while appearing kind.
She is clearly competitive with you. I couldn’t like a friend who did this.

Yanbu. In one of my jobs I told no one at all where it was, my mother always impressed this upon me!

I have heard people doing this before, and it’s very underhand. You must not share all your info with friends.
This girl only found out about the job through u and then of course anyone could have applied.
I don’t think I could do the weekend. Perhaps say “You knew I was applying for the job,” Don’t get angry and upset yourself, but distance yourself and make out u are I available. Working for this new firm and her being senior would not work out. Move on and good luck! We have all made similar mistakes in life.

There’s a valuable lesson to be learnt here keep your gob shut in future; in all your excitement you blabbed it all to your “best mate” who then swept in & stole the role from under your nose without so much as a thought for what it would do to your friendship, why? Because you’d bigged the post up so much to her she thought fuck it I’m going to give it a go!! an extra ten grand a year darn right she got in there & pipped you to the post, all you can do now is hope they realise very quickly she’s not as experienced as she’s possibly told them she is & they give her the shove; phone you & offer you the post.

The recruiter told you she had applied? How would that work? How would they even know you knew her?

Sorry havent read the full thread, but this happened to me.

I am a qualified professional (think numbers). I was divorcing - bitter hostile etc. Huge legal bills so I needed money and to be working. My "mum" friend had been a great support and our DC got on very well. A Local job came up - working from home (mostly) - you were asked to call for details so i did. Then i applied. I was told that the applications had closed early. (Very small entity & related to govt - so to this day I am still not sure this was OK but there was no point/benefit in complaining).

I found out through mutual friends a few weeks later that my friend had got the job. She was also very qualified (think literacy). But hadnt said a word to me. Some of the local interviewing panel knew my circumstances and why I would need to have found work very quickly.

It took me a very long time to get over the visceral shock - I felt very betrayed by a lot of people. I did finally find suitable work - quite a long time later. I am no longer in touch with that friend. She has done well in that role, and I now believe that I would not have been AS competent (I would have been competent so no concerns there).

Of course your friend and mine are entitled to apply for any job they choose. But it hurts. And I think that is where you are now.

She knew you really wanted/needed the job and she went after it anyway, AND she acts as though that’s perfectly fine. Not a friend !! I would cancel the weekend and avoid her and not give a toss what she thinks. And in future, don’t tell anyone about potential jobs until you’ve been hired.

This!!
It will soon show if she can't handle the job.
It wouldn't surprise me at all if she had the cheek to expect help from you with the new role by wanting to "pick your brain" or just a quick question about x type of calls. Of course don't do it.

When she fails, you can swoop back in but it'll cost them another 5k to 10k to clean up her mess.

In the meantime, apply for more roles 2 or 3 levels above where you are now.

Don’t tell her of any more jobs you may apply for, and I agree that it was not acceptable for her to apply for a job she knew you wanted and needed.

The question here is... Would you have got the job if she didn't?..

Also, when you are applying for jobs, don't mention it to anyone.. because it may be a great opportunity she she might feel she can't miss out on also, just because you are also applying for it.

If you did go for the role, she may not like you being at the same level as her, or even surpassing her... So I would suggest not taking the job there next year for this reason..

She seems like an envious friend,, and will not let you surpass her

Friend?? I don't think so Toxic Bestie but now you probably have confirmed what you already knew.
Now treat her accordingly

It’s happened to me. It feels like shit. It took me some years but in the end I prevailed. Good luck.

I had this gone to me - got my friend a job, equivalent to mine. I went in may leave and she told my said I’d said I didn’t want to return (this was true but I needed the money and wasn’t going to tell my boss that!) and she applied gif and hit a promotion - which I only found out about when I returned!
I moved to another dept and the friendship never survived.
I suppose you should have said something when she said she was applying but it’s really awkward. I’d take the job if you need it but keep looking for another. And another friend.

Your friend obviously did something right in the interview... it's not all about experience, there are other things to take into consideration such as personality, how flexible you are, how much research you've done about the company, the questions YOU ask, how confident you come across, and also, who they consider to be best at managing a team.
What makes you so sure you would've even been successful if your friend hadn't applied for the job?
They're bearing you in mind for a role, more suitable to you, when it comes up, so it's not as if they dismissed you altogether.
Don't cut your nose off to spite your face. Be happy for your friend, she obviously thinks highly of you if she's been bigging you up for the job. You're bound to feel cheated, but it's not your friend's fault that they appointed her and not you!

She is no friend. I would never do this to a friend, I have made good friends from work, true friends, and we share same job titles so if she/he tell me they are applying for a job I would never do that. Not even will do that to a close colleague that I wouldn’t call friends.
you dont want people like this near you, she had no loyalty nor respect.

stay away from her, say goodbye, friendships also end like other relationships.
move on and keep doing your job hunt, good luck, the good opportunity will come your way. Just stay motivated and positive.

This is an insane comment.
right the job was not for her, and someone else would have taken it.
but is not from a “friend” to do what she did.

I'm in leadership in what sounds like a related field and this entire thing just sounds totally unprofessional.

I've carried out many interviews and have never known a candidate reference another candidate, even in internal interviews. If they did so to express personal opinions about another person in the process, they'd immediately be shut down.

The recruiter was in breach of gdpr and should not be discussing any candidate with another. Don't use them again.

On a personal level, there's a big difference between seeing a job advertised internally, or on indeed and going for it alongside a friend, and sharing news of an opportunity in confidence with a friend and then unintentionally gaining the competition from them.

I would absolutely wish her the best and distance yourself. No point challenging any of it, it will just look like sour grapes. She will have a lot to learn!

Wow that is absolutely horrendous. I’d be devastated! That’s not how friends treat each other! Did she even need another job? Why would she apply when it’s not her skills?! And she obviously must know how unhappy you are in your current job and how much the extra money would’ve helped you. I would no longer want to be her friend. Good luck with the weekend away, that’s going to be so hard!

Some friend, no true friend would have applied for the job that you were so excited about applying for. Shame on her, I think you need to have a good look at your "friendship", and decide if you can live with being stabbed in the back by someone you consider a good friend!

I am in shock at the people who think this is ok and get over it. The only thing that matters here is a so called friend really screwed you over. You told her about it and your intentions and then she went and applied straight for it. That is not a friend.
I'd act pleased and positive but would personally end that ' friendship '

I think what's really telling is that she was sneaky about applying!
Trying to hide it from you indicates that she knew what she was doing was wrong,
And I find it very strange that she was talking about you in her interview, told them your name and everything, that is super back stabber behaviour and she most probably did make you seem desperate in an underhanded way..

I would be going on the trip without her

I agree with comments that your focus is very much upon who was the better fit for the job.

Don't lose sight of the real issue here - the issue is who you trust and have as close friends, what you divulge to them, where your boundaries need firming up,why you are still feeling inclined to go on holiday with this person. Did you say it was just the two of you?
All the above are learnings curves - I've had many of my own like this. Over time you realise that you can change what happens next time by the choices you make. This is no friend to you.