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To ask for your views on surrogacy?

247 replies

consortiar · 17/09/2022 06:32

Is it ok a surrogate?

Is it ever ok to use a surrogate?

In what circumstance is it not ok?

In what circumstance is it ok?

Kardashians are an example and other celebs that have lots of money and no time or possibly inclination to be pregnant?

Lesbians presumably can carry their own baby with the use of a sperm donor.

What about gay couple that would like to use their sperm and an egg donor?

If it's not ok. What is it specifically that is wrong?

Couples that cannot have children due to the woman not being able to carry a baby, do they lose their entitlement to have a biological child due to the perceived wrong in using a surrogate?

OP posts:
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Sushi7 · 19/09/2022 10:42

christmas2022 · 19/09/2022 07:08

What about Brian dowling with his sister?

I just Googled him. His sister was the surrogate… I wonder if she used her own egg? That means she gave away her biological daughter to her brother, meaning Brian is raising his niece as his daughter. That’s a bit unnerving and confusing.

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Howardsbend · 19/09/2022 10:48

I don't understand op, you asked a lot of questions and said you were on the fence about it. Then someone asked you what you really thought and you answered the questions you'd asked strongly. Why couldn't you have said that ten minutes earlier in your op? Seems a little disingenuous.

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roopeedoopeedooo · 19/09/2022 10:49

Surrogacy is ALL about the want to be parents getting their ideal outcome and absolutely not at all about the baby. Adoption is all about creating a better outcome for the child , often in less than great circumstances and much less about the adoptive parents.

Surrogacy intentionally create a life to order, with the express intention of removing it from the only mother it knows and wants at birth. It IS child trafficking. That baby only knows it's mothers heart beat, voice, smell and taste. It's ALL that baby wants. It doesn't care about genetics or dna. It's illegal to sell/regime puppies or kittens before they are weaver but it's legal to commission a baby and to it from its mother at birth. It's possibly the most selfish thing I've ever encountered.

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TwinkleChristmas · 19/09/2022 10:57

ReneBumsWombats · 18/09/2022 20:18

I wouldn’t consider the women who carried the child to be the child’s mother in any way.

And if the child does?

How would they…

They are a baby and don’t have to be told.

Id also imagine the women raising them to be the mother they know to love and care about.

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TwinkleChristmas · 19/09/2022 10:58

TheKeatingFive · 18/09/2022 19:58

I wouldn’t consider the women who carried the child to be the child’s mother in any way.

Its the law, so I'm not sure why what 'you would consider' is of any consequence to the debate.

Pretty sure I’m allowed to state my own opinion. I never said it was the fuck law did I.

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Hawkins001 · 19/09/2022 11:00

consortiar · 17/09/2022 06:32

Is it ok a surrogate?

Is it ever ok to use a surrogate?

In what circumstance is it not ok?

In what circumstance is it ok?

Kardashians are an example and other celebs that have lots of money and no time or possibly inclination to be pregnant?

Lesbians presumably can carry their own baby with the use of a sperm donor.

What about gay couple that would like to use their sperm and an egg donor?

If it's not ok. What is it specifically that is wrong?

Couples that cannot have children due to the woman not being able to carry a baby, do they lose their entitlement to have a biological child due to the perceived wrong in using a surrogate?

If all parties are in agreement and happy with the arrangements then it's upto them. The show called the new normal, was what influenced my perspectives.

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TwinkleChristmas · 19/09/2022 11:00

IWillComplaininWriting · 19/09/2022 08:28

The baby will be forever heartbroken about being torn from their mother. Doesn't matter about the scientific terminology. A baby who grew in a woman's womb, is connected to that mother and wants her body for comfort and milk. Jesus, we have enough angry kids now.

Batshit.
The baby won’t even know who’s womb it was from once older.
Forever broken is a massive over statement.

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TheKeatingFive · 19/09/2022 11:04

Pretty sure I’m allowed to state my own opinion

Well sure. It's just what you think that opinion adds to the debate.

If I said that I 'considered' your house and car to belong to me, you'd laugh in my face and rightly so. Because my considered 'opinion' would mean squat all in that situation.

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roopeedoopeedooo · 19/09/2022 11:05

Babies recognise the smell, voice, taste, movements, language and heartbeat of their mother. The mother is the person that has grown them in her uterus. Not an egg donor. It's ALL they know. They don't care a fig for dna.

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roopeedoopeedooo · 19/09/2022 11:08

@TwinkleChristmas

"The baby won’t even know who’s womb it was from once older. "

It knows when it's born though. Why isn't that enough for you? The only language that baby knows is the woman that carried it. It knows her heart rate, her smell, her taste. It recognises ALL that before it's even born and she's the only person it wants. Why is it ok to remove the baby because somebody has purchased it?

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NotBadConsidering · 19/09/2022 11:22

TwinkleChristmas · 19/09/2022 11:00

Batshit.
The baby won’t even know who’s womb it was from once older.
Forever broken is a massive over statement.

Of course they know at birth. And if they wonder later? Where they came from? A girl in my DD’s class is from a surrogate in India. Has two dads. She says she doesn’t have a mum. But she does. Of course she does. Do you think she will go through her whole life and never ask the question?

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Qwertyyui · 19/09/2022 11:25

I think if the women who are surrogates truly want to be one there is no issue. Women who NEED to do it for the money and get very little money out of the arrangement is not.

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NotBadConsidering · 19/09/2022 11:26

Hawkins001 · 19/09/2022 11:00

If all parties are in agreement and happy with the arrangements then it's upto them. The show called the new normal, was what influenced my perspectives.

So who checks everyone agrees? Who scrutinises the decision before any embryo is implanted to make sure there’s no coercion? Whose responsibility is it? What if there are concerns?

Everyone who is pro surrogacy always talks about how great it should be, but no one ever explains how to check. No one can ever explain how to protect people, everyone just hand waves it all away.

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Hoppinggreen · 19/09/2022 11:31

Qwertyyui · 19/09/2022 11:25

I think if the women who are surrogates truly want to be one there is no issue. Women who NEED to do it for the money and get very little money out of the arrangement is not.

I would actually question why a woman would volunteer to do this. I think there is something quite strange about it.

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MRSE20 · 19/09/2022 11:34

I agree with surrogacy in situations for example a same sex couple and infertile couples

I personally wouldn’t use surrogacy myself and would adopt a child instead

I’ve been following someone who has been infertile for years with multiple miscarriages and failed fertility treatments and they have used surrogacy and now have a baby boy. I think in situations like this if all parties are happy to do so then I agree with it and do not find any issues with it personally.

I do however find it a bit odd when celebrities will opt for surrogacy instead of having their own babies, wether because they want their bodies to stay how they are or just do not want to be pregnant. I understand how people view this as bad.

My overall opinion is you’ll never please everyone and everyone will have different views and opinions on everything you do. I’ve had some friends gasp when I say I’d love to adopt a child in the future, they say “I could never” it doesn’t bother me on their opinions. Some people need to remember they are lucky to never experience infertility and multiple losses, for some surrogacy is their way of having their family.

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Bananarama21 · 19/09/2022 11:43

Just because two men can't carry a baby doesn't give them the right to rent a womb from a women to produce and carry a child. The fact its legal is astonishing. Doesn't matter how nice these men are its using women like a brood mare, they could adopt.

Couples with can't have children as awful as it is doesn't give them the right to hire a womb to harvest a child for them. Pregnancy is dangerous my dm had a stillborn and almost died herself. I remember reading an article where a couple, a man who was a sex offender and his wife hired a surrogate who had twins for them, one had down syndrome and they refused to take that twin. He died afew years later.

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TheKeatingFive · 19/09/2022 11:46

Some people need to remember they are lucky to never experience infertility and multiple losses, for some surrogacy is their way of having their family.

Having a family isn't a human right. Some people need to remember that they don't have rights over other women's bodies to make that happen for them.

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roarfeckingroarr · 19/09/2022 12:20

No one has the right to a have a child.

Gay men / infertile couples - sad but doesn't make it ok to buy a baby

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MrsJamin · 19/09/2022 13:26

The end doesn't justify the means. Surrogacy isn't right just because a gay couple are "absolutely lovely and gorgeous" or a couple are sadly infertile and would love to have a baby. Opinions and feelings don't trump what's morally and ethically right.

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EmeraldShamrock1 · 19/09/2022 13:41

It's a selfish decision made my selfish people.

Brian Dowling with Rosanna Davison are fighting for changes in the law.

Rosanna Davison as an example went to Ukraine to save her surrogate mother after the surrogate mother spent 6 weeks in a bunker, arriving with her same sex partner, a daughter about 5 and her dog the surrogate baby approx 2.5
Rosanna never missing an opportunity for publicity enjoyed a photo shoot dressed in red (Rosanna is Chris Deburg daughter) always wearing red "lady in red" while the women beside her were wore out and the 5 y.o sad and scared.

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TwinkleChristmas · 19/09/2022 13:42

NotBadConsidering · 19/09/2022 11:22

Of course they know at birth. And if they wonder later? Where they came from? A girl in my DD’s class is from a surrogate in India. Has two dads. She says she doesn’t have a mum. But she does. Of course she does. Do you think she will go through her whole life and never ask the question?

Bit of a different situation here when the child is being raised by 2 men. It would be very obvious that there would be a women out there somewhere.

but normally it would just be a women who grew the child using the other womens egg and that women is the mother and raises the child.

in that scenario then no they would never know as you don’t have memories of birth.

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EmeraldShamrock1 · 19/09/2022 13:44

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TwinkleChristmas · 19/09/2022 13:44

roopeedoopeedooo · 19/09/2022 11:08

@TwinkleChristmas

"The baby won’t even know who’s womb it was from once older. "

It knows when it's born though. Why isn't that enough for you? The only language that baby knows is the woman that carried it. It knows her heart rate, her smell, her taste. It recognises ALL that before it's even born and she's the only person it wants. Why is it ok to remove the baby because somebody has purchased it?

Because it’s not their baby. It’s the baby of whoever the egg belongs too.

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ReneBumsWombats · 19/09/2022 13:46

TwinkleChristmas · 19/09/2022 10:58

Pretty sure I’m allowed to state my own opinion. I never said it was the fuck law did I.

If the only thing you've got in favour of your opinion is that it's not illegal to hold it, it's hardly a ringing endorsement.

Once someone's down to "well I'm allowed to say it", it's clear as day there's fuck all else.

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ReneBumsWombats · 19/09/2022 13:51

MRSE20 · 19/09/2022 11:34

I agree with surrogacy in situations for example a same sex couple and infertile couples

I personally wouldn’t use surrogacy myself and would adopt a child instead

I’ve been following someone who has been infertile for years with multiple miscarriages and failed fertility treatments and they have used surrogacy and now have a baby boy. I think in situations like this if all parties are happy to do so then I agree with it and do not find any issues with it personally.

I do however find it a bit odd when celebrities will opt for surrogacy instead of having their own babies, wether because they want their bodies to stay how they are or just do not want to be pregnant. I understand how people view this as bad.

My overall opinion is you’ll never please everyone and everyone will have different views and opinions on everything you do. I’ve had some friends gasp when I say I’d love to adopt a child in the future, they say “I could never” it doesn’t bother me on their opinions. Some people need to remember they are lucky to never experience infertility and multiple losses, for some surrogacy is their way of having their family.

Yet again, since the last people who said this never answered my question: if it's fine for infertile people to do it, why is it so terrible when rich people with kids do it? If there's no human cost, why does it matter? What difference is there between the surrogate and baby for the infertile couple and the surrogate and baby for the rich parents? Does one pair suffer while the other doesn't?

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