This type of whatsapp behaviour is an aggressive act - AIBU?

[oatmilkicedchai]

(Lighthearted)

It gives me anxiety - instant heart rate spike and all - when I write someone a message, or even a few short messages and they come online and read them instantly and start to reply. Because I don't like the idea of getting caught up messaging back and forth 'in real time' iykwim. Or heaven forbid that they try to call me whilst I am messaging them and they can see my status as online.

I know, I know, I am a bit silly and need to be more comfortable just going offline and setting boundaries 😂.

Can anyone relate to this, though?

No.

...no, sorry. Why are you messaging people you don't want to have conversations with?

yes OP 😂

I can understand but worst case you just finish sending your message and put down your phone for 5-10 mins and then pick up and reply. Doubt anyone would say anything.

Or just get into the habit of grouping up your messages into single big ones and then scarper as soon as it’s sent if it really bothers you that much

Well, I do want to have conversations with them - just not so frequently and not necessarily a back and forth at that point in time, but its very hard to avoid someone when they can see you are online and have just been writing to them.

and I find that it derails my thought process as to the message I was typing if they start writing something else part way through.

😂 I am glad that at least one person here can relate!

Yes you are right. Only now I am constantly scarpering. Hiding from the same 1-2 people. I am a full time scarperer... sad really

You just need to mute things or switch your phone off.

The issue is your relationship with the phone/Whatsapp. This is like an alcohol or problem gambler blaming the pub or the betting shop for tempting them in - in a way, obviously it would be easier if there was no temptation, but ultimately it is down to you to manage this.

Just switch it off. And do something else.

*alcoholic

Lol I’m like this op. I need to be in the right headspace to message or reply to someone and deal with the ongoing chat, that can mean it takes me days to reply until it feels ‘right’
My brain works in strange ways I’m aware.

It's like in the olden days when you would ring someone expecting to get their answering machine and they would answer 😱

YES! It feels very similar to this you are right

I do that, sometimes, but the problem seems to always come back again...

Mine too.

Any idea why this happens? Or do you think its normal and haven't thought too much about it?

You don't have to answer a message straight away regardless if they know you have read it

And easy.. turn off your read receipt

Do what my mum does write 'stop texting me now'. Seems to work for her

Text them instead. No dots there and you won't even know if they've read it 😉

Well, yes, it will do.

Maybe you need a break from Whatsapp.

I agree

haha yes, especially if you had prepared an 'interested but not that bothered' message and then got bounced into er, um, er hi, er, what are you doing tomorrow?

Social anxiety. You might be hiding your feelings. Sort of putting on a front when you see people in person. Only in the WhatsApp situation, you’re unprepared - you haven’t put your social mask on. It’s sad if you’re hiding your real self from people.

Try email or text message instead

For me, honestly no I don’t think it’s normal, most of my thought processes are rather strange though. Others think I’m ASD, my son is so it’s entirely possible.
Im very easily overwhelmed, and need to feel like everything is the right time before pretending to be a normal sociable person I guess, lol.

This only happens to me when I'm messaging someone that I actually find a little bit hard to talk to/ don't particularly like.

If I like the person, I'm genuinely happy and excited and can't stop myself replying straight away.

Is this just me then?

you can solve your problems, by turning off your status, this means people can't see if you are online ir when you were last online, it also means you can't see if the are online either. So you could send your message and not ever see the other person is typing, so just put your phone down and answer when you want too.