To be hurt that DH is not speaking to me because I'm an unsupportive wife

[Luckyloubypink]

DH and I have been together for 20 years and throughout that time I have always supported him in whatever his latest hobby is, no matter how ridiculous, how inconvenient, how financially costly it is, even at times when I know full well the answer should have been a firm no.

Today DH comes to me with an idea that he wants to do tomorrow, which involves being gone the whole day, travelling very far, for something that could have been done at home.

I said, I can see why he would like to go but it was impractical due to me working and having school runs, etc. He said it was his time and he should be allowed to do what he wants. He said he knew I would say no and ridicule him for his idea, and I was never supportive what he wants to do. He should be allowed to do what he wants to do (shouldn't we all, eh?).

Now he isn't speaking to me and I'm wondering if just to let him go to keep the peace. I do feel rubbish though, after all I do for him. He behaves like he hasn't a care in the world whilst I have no time and feel like a single parent.

OP it really depends on how this actually affects your day? if it’s just a little more work for one day then why can’t he go? If it leaves you absolutely stumped for the children then I get why it wouldn’t work.

my husband and I often have to be away for our jobs, for me I’ve been away even more so than a day even with friends for my hobby. We can easily adjust things and we wouldn’t tell each other no - we wouldn’t go away if it left the other person with no alternatives. but it is not within us to be telling each other not to have a life either, we are more than just mum and dad and it would be unhealthy for us otherwise imo.

if you can get the day off work, or get someone to do the school run easy enough , then I can see why he’s pissed off. However, if you’re left short with no alternatives then he’s only thought about himself.

it really depends on the actual practicalities here.

Apologies OP, you say he does nothing, and yes, if you haven’t been working as a team for your family then I’d be pissed off too.

if it’s not equal it’s not fair. That’s what I’m trying to say.

@jennakong
It's a man who is basically living like a lodger in his own home. He's not connected to his family. All he brings to the household is his income and his cock, basically, and he usually feels these two items should be appreciated more.

I don't know how old you are, but if you are relatively young and it is at all economically possible, get out now. You will otherwise find yourself in your later years feeling sad, cheated and resentful for the years where you have denied yourself for fear of being accused of selfishness, miserliness, unsupportiveness, etc, etc. on a regular basis.

A fabulous coining @mathanxiety and @Hawkins001 ! The sort of man who 'babysits' his own children kind of thing.

Yy and "helping out with the housework" plus expecting a medal!

I'm going to be in the minority here.
If it was my husband's day off and he wanted to do something he felt passionate about, of course he should. It is is only 1 day. Likewise, if I wanted to spend 1 day off doing something I felt passionate about then i know he'd encourage that and hold the fort too.

I wonder what all mumsnet would be saying if it this was the other way round and OP wanted 1 day to do something for herself? Would we be calling her a perpetulant child, terrible wife and horrible mother. I doubt it.

Get a grip people. 🙄

(and yes I do know OP says she has supported other things in the past but she did also say this is a 20 yr relationship so I doubt this happens very often.)

Bank the hours and take your own time back another time. My DH wanted to go away for a few days. I then went away the following year for a few days. I've never done this before post children and it was amazing. He couldn't say anything it was great

Probably best if you read the thread first. Op never does stuff like this. The husband always does.

I did read the thread. And I get your point. But does OP ever make it known she would like to do this? Has OP ever said to husband I'd like one day to myself to do x? How do we know he wouldn't support this? Sometimes we get so into routines and business we forget to make our own needs known. And that's not to say they'd be ignored if we did. Agree we others, do a trade off and you'll soon find out.

Sounds like you are in emotionally controlled & possibly abusive relationship. To be honest would it be a major issue if she stayed somewhere else for the next few weeks while you decide if you want to continue living with an ability baby?
I’d tell him that if he wants to behave like a petulant child rather than part of a partnership/relationship/family unit then he should go do what he wants then find somewhere else to stay for a while.
Stop letting him belittle & break you down. You are worth more!