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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's a shame we can't pay our respects

518 replies

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:15

When we initially heard about the funeral plans DH and I said it might be "nice" to take our DC to London (we're just outside) to walk past the Queen in Westminster Hall. They've been very interested in the whole event and are old enough now that they'll remember it and be able to talk about it, etc. so when they independently asked to go we looked into it.

It quickly became apparent it wasn't going to be feasible due to the huge queues etc, so that was knocked on the head. I feel it's a shame but there's no way I'd have them queuing in the rain.

On the news this morning there are a number of people who's caught flights from all over the world to come and be part of it. One pair - a mother and adult son from New York flew over as soon as they heard the Queen had died and are queuing now.

I know it's unreasonable really, but I felt a pang of something - jealousy, irritation, not sure - at these people with money and time to fly for hours to come and pay their respects to our monarch adding to numbers which effectively deny other groups the opportunity. I know there are allowances made for people with disabilities who are unable to queue for up to 30 hours, but what about children/families for whom it's impossible?

OP posts:
Insertcreativenamehere · 15/09/2022 18:40

Yes YABU - You obviously don’t want it enough!!

KentdonMum · 15/09/2022 18:44

IMHO It’s one of those situations where you have to accept the limitations of your circumstances. If I still lived in London and didn’t have kids I’d definitely be there in that queue. BUT I have a job and other duties and responsibilities that take priority (something which, if anyone knew anything about and understood it was HRH). Yes conceivably I could drop everything and go but it wouldn’t be right for me so I will pay my tribute in other ways. I certainly don’t feel hard done by. It’s just life.

InPraiseOfBacchus · 15/09/2022 18:50

"It's not about me - it's more about children. Surely you can see the queueing isn't a child friendly set up?"

Not everything has to be child friendly. It's a funerary ritual, not a play park!

I'll say it again - not everything is for families and children!

BooneyBeautiful · 15/09/2022 18:56

Youdoyoutoday · 14/09/2022 10:24

I get what you mean, I would have liked to go and pay my respects too but I can't cope with large crowds and I have a impatient bladder so would be needing the loo and would constantly be losing my place in the queue.

As far as I know, everyone queuing has been given a numbered wristband so they don't lose their place in the queue when they pop off to the loo! People have been queuing for hours, so pretty much everyone is going to need the loo at some point.

Beachbreak2411 · 15/09/2022 19:07

You don’t have to be there to pay your respects! We’ve lit a a candle for her every night since she died and included her and her family in our prayers every night. My dd and I will watch the funeral together. The “being there” bit isn’t paying respect.. it’s about being there to say you were.

Bib1234 · 15/09/2022 19:11

You can travel just like them but aren’t prepared to queue - it’s your choice 🤷‍♀️

Slv199 · 15/09/2022 19:15

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:38

Yes, this is what we'll do. There's a children's memorial thing being held at the church near us which we'll take them along to.

Show quote history

A Children’s memorial thing sounds like a much better idea. Otherwise put a picture of the coffin lying in state on the TV or iPad or whatever and pay your respects to that. No queuing that way. I’m not convinced her body is in the coffin anyway. It would be decomposing too quickly.

Diamondsareforever123 · 15/09/2022 19:42

Oh for god's sake. WHY are you giving this so much time and effort? Ludicrous.

containsnuts · 15/09/2022 19:45

I think there's a level of hysteria about the coffin viewing. I don't mean this to sound disrespectful but she'll be dead a long time and there will be plenty of opportunities to pay respects and to celebrate her life going forward. No need to feel left out because you can't attend on this occasion.

threatmatrix · 15/09/2022 19:45

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:15

When we initially heard about the funeral plans DH and I said it might be "nice" to take our DC to London (we're just outside) to walk past the Queen in Westminster Hall. They've been very interested in the whole event and are old enough now that they'll remember it and be able to talk about it, etc. so when they independently asked to go we looked into it.

It quickly became apparent it wasn't going to be feasible due to the huge queues etc, so that was knocked on the head. I feel it's a shame but there's no way I'd have them queuing in the rain.

On the news this morning there are a number of people who's caught flights from all over the world to come and be part of it. One pair - a mother and adult son from New York flew over as soon as they heard the Queen had died and are queuing now.

I know it's unreasonable really, but I felt a pang of something - jealousy, irritation, not sure - at these people with money and time to fly for hours to come and pay their respects to our monarch adding to numbers which effectively deny other groups the opportunity. I know there are allowances made for people with disabilities who are unable to queue for up to 30 hours, but what about children/families for whom it's impossible?

They WERE prepared to queue in the rain. You were not. Why are you jealous when you weren’t really that bothered.

Vapeyvapevape · 15/09/2022 20:17

You say about the mother and son flying over from the US .Do you think you're a bit disappointed because 'foreigners' are adding to the numbers and causing the queue to be longer?

PugInTheHouse · 15/09/2022 20:41

I wish I had gone yesterday to the parade, logistics a bit tricky but wish I'd just gone for it. DS (14) is going with school in the middle of the night tonight, they are just going to join the queue and come back at some point once they've been in, they said they hope to be back by Saturday morning. I think it is lovely they are taking them, it's just Y10 and 11.

Missingpop · 15/09/2022 21:04

🤦‍♀️ Really am I really ready this crap; you felt jealousy? Irritation ffs. Join the queues wait your turned bob you head !!! Done
if you really wanted to be there you’d have made it happen get a grip & have a word with yourself 😡

Gingernan · 15/09/2022 21:59

Part of me would like to...I was 3 when she became Queen . I'm no Royalist but it's hard not to be fond of the Queen . She was loved,beyond measure.I wouldn't say it was always like that,though, she was cold hearted to Diana.
I won't go though. I'm a healthy enough 73 but 9 hours of queueing would knacker me indefinitely. I do work,which I need to do,State Pension is not enough,and I may even do a few hours on the day.Triple pay will pay my council tax for the month. So the cost of the trip is a consideration for me.
I wish anyone who goes to the lieing in ,funeral day,etc, well. I watched the procession to Westminster Hall on TV. I found it distressing really,it brought back flashbacks of my own losses. So maybe enough for me.It does come down a bit to health and wealth( lack of) for me.

I suspect it is the last occasion on this scale. I imagine a scaled down monarchy under King Charles,I think it's time.

Chuck2015 · 15/09/2022 22:01

If anyone should be prioritised in the queue it should should be the older generation who have lived their entire lives with the Queen as monarch, particularly those who are frailer/health conditions and/or disabilities. Let’s face it most kids won’t remember it or see it as a highlight of their life. Quite privileged to think it should be family friendly! Many kids don’t even see or attend the coffins or funerals of their relatives !

VestaTilley · 15/09/2022 22:51

@SocksAndTheCity thank you!

ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmmmmm · 15/09/2022 23:48

You sound a bit mad, tbh.

Autumn61 · 15/09/2022 23:54

Give yourself a fucking shake: “It’s raining…..”. Your remarks are bordering on racism.Go or don’t go but stop blaming other for your fear of getting wet.

Silvers11 · 16/09/2022 00:00

While I understand how you are feeling, because I too would have liked to be at St Giles Cathedral/The Royal Mile in Edinburgh, I made a choice not to go because I felt that I couldn't possible stand for all the hours required (I'm nearly 70) and from my perspective that isn't the fault of those who had the difficult job of trying to organise things. That is simply the way things are. There were other considerations too - like parking for one: We live around 25 miles from Edinburgh City Centre. I COULD have gone though but taking everything into account I wasn't so desperate to be there that I was prepared to put myself through a lot of discomfort and hassle for 30 seconds or so of walking past Her Majesty's coffin. Others in similar situations made a different decision.

I am still disappointed though, but it's no-one's fault - and I know I made the right decision in spite of that. You have given good reasons why you, too, have decided not to go into London. But it is/was still a choice you have made. No matter what arrangements had been made for paying one's respects, some folks will always have missed out for one reason or another

Testina · 16/09/2022 00:07

It's more than my parents etc have stories about experiencing various momentous events first hand (Churchill's funeral, etc), usually with very little effort by the sounds of it. I think it's sad this event isn't more accessible.“

That sounds just like you want dull bragging rights that you were there, nothing to do with paying respects 🤣
Just lie? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Silvers11 · 16/09/2022 00:16

On the news this morning there are a number of people who's caught flights from all over the world to come and be part of it. One pair - a mother and adult son from New York flew over as soon as they heard the Queen had died and are queuing now.
I know it's unreasonable really, but I felt a pang of something - jealousy, irritation, not sure - at these people with money and time to fly for hours to come and pay their respects to our monarch adding to numbers which effectively deny other groups the opportunity.

And I should have added to my other post that the above statement borders on being Xenophobic - and Jealous too. The 'Our' Monarch you refer to was loved and respected in many parts of the Globe and she wasn't a possession. Perfectly understandable that people will want to pay their respects and it doesn't matter where they come from

busymomtoone · 16/09/2022 00:34

Where’s the “ 30 hours” come from? I know 3 sets of people who’ve been and the wait ranged from 6-9 hours. Some people had brought children. I don’t personally think the queue time is people friendly ( regardless of children or not) but you have a choice. If you really really want them to see the coffin then you take them armed with snacks, charged phones or books etc ; if that’s too much hassle then don’t. Living relatively near but still being cheesed off because you can’t just rock up seems ridiculous - I hate queues and couldn’t cope with the crowd / wait- and I’d also love to go , but I admire the tenacity of anyone who does. It’s their choice - I’m quite befuddled as to how/ why you can select not to go but then be cross/ jealous at those who do!!!!

alphons · 16/09/2022 00:35

You want fairness in death, when alive she epitomized unfairness?

Perhaps this is why you’re unable to articulate your thoughts to your satisfaction.

Mothership4two · 16/09/2022 02:39

Sorry but YABU expecting a lottery system to be set up at what must be an incredibly time consuming and time sensitive event so that you can have a chance to take your children. Inappropriate also after a death IMO - a bit tacky. This isn't some tourist spectacle it is paying respects. TBH I am not sure how I feel about the appropriateness of queuing for lengths of time to view a coffin with children at all although I have seen from the TV broadcasts many people have done this.

Mothership4two · 16/09/2022 02:45

She will have been embalmed @Slv199. But that crossed my mind too (her not actually being in there) but, of course, she will be.