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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it's a shame we can't pay our respects

518 replies

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:15

When we initially heard about the funeral plans DH and I said it might be "nice" to take our DC to London (we're just outside) to walk past the Queen in Westminster Hall. They've been very interested in the whole event and are old enough now that they'll remember it and be able to talk about it, etc. so when they independently asked to go we looked into it.

It quickly became apparent it wasn't going to be feasible due to the huge queues etc, so that was knocked on the head. I feel it's a shame but there's no way I'd have them queuing in the rain.

On the news this morning there are a number of people who's caught flights from all over the world to come and be part of it. One pair - a mother and adult son from New York flew over as soon as they heard the Queen had died and are queuing now.

I know it's unreasonable really, but I felt a pang of something - jealousy, irritation, not sure - at these people with money and time to fly for hours to come and pay their respects to our monarch adding to numbers which effectively deny other groups the opportunity. I know there are allowances made for people with disabilities who are unable to queue for up to 30 hours, but what about children/families for whom it's impossible?

OP posts:
lemonyanus · 14/09/2022 10:34

I agree with you OP, it's a shame that children and others who can't manage standing outdoors for hours are effectively excluded from events like this. But it's just the way it is I guess, you can't exactly make someone's wake a ticketed event to give everyone a fair chance.

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:34

ClocksGoingBackwards · 14/09/2022 10:24

What about them?

The people with the money to fly over will have to wait in the same wet queue as anyone else. You could do it if you wanted to.

I know this part of my post is particularly illogical. I think it's more about people turning it into a tourist event/fun day out because they can, which in turn makes it even more inaccessible because the numbers become even more unwieldy!

OP posts:
MrsFezziwig · 14/09/2022 10:36

Why not take them to a church, let them light a candle and sign the book of condolences? They’ll probably enjoy that as much as they would being dragged about London. A moment’s thought would have told you that the number of people attending was never going to be small enough to make it a good experience. And the people you describe who have flown in are part of a tiny minority - frankly if they’re prepared to spend thousands of pounds then I feel their dedication to the monarchy is considerably greater than mine, so they’re welcome to have my place.

Benefi · 14/09/2022 10:36

Make it make sense.

This.

Youdoyoutoday · 14/09/2022 10:36

Mercurial123 · 14/09/2022 10:31

You wouldn't use your place you can leave the queue and return to your original place. The BBC have mentioned it numerous times.

That's good to know but I still can't wait for 30 hours so I shall stay home.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 14/09/2022 10:36

I agree with pp, take them to church.

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:37

MiddleParking · 14/09/2022 10:32

It's not about me - it's more about children. Surely you can see the queueing isn't a child friendly set up?

It’s hardly a child friendly activity full stop, is it. Would you like them to set up fast passes like Alton Towers?

There's no need to be grim with the Alton Towers comment. It's not a ride, it's about paying respects.

Like I've said, I don't understand the spectacle element of it either, and I don't feel especially fussed about not being able to go. But when I saw the news with these giddy tourists it did make me feel a bit sad that many many children and others would miss out

OP posts:
nachoavocado · 14/09/2022 10:37

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:31

It's not about having more right, it's about everyone having the same opportunity irrespective of their situation (disabilities, IBS, children, etc)

Disabilities and other conditions - yes I can understand your point. Children - no, not everything has to be geared up to make it accessible for children. It is a logistical nightmare as it is having all those people wanting to be in the same place without them having to think of how to include children in the event. It is set up how it is set up and if you don't think your children can handle it then frankly that is tough. It isn't a fun jolly. It's viewing a coffin.

MiddleParking · 14/09/2022 10:37

I think it's more about people turning it into a tourist event/fun day out because they can

Oh right were you wanting to go because you’re mates with the queen?! That makes a lot more sense then.

bilbodog · 14/09/2022 10:38

Why dont you take the family to an appropriate spot on the road taking the queen to windsor after the funeral? You will have to get there in advance
and wait but not for as long?

DappledThings · 14/09/2022 10:38

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:33

Ticketing maybe, randomly allocated to take account of capacity - so not everyone will be able to go but at least people have a similar chance of being able to attend

So a lottery? That would just mean some people get accused of taking advantage of a lottery when others were prepared to queue up. It's all ridiculous.

If it matters that much to you go and queue up. Take snacks and umbrellas. I think you'd be mad but I think anyone flying in is just as mad. Having children doesn't mean you get priority. Very bizarre.

Luredbyapomegranate · 14/09/2022 10:38

Blimey this is new levels of unreasonable.

How many people do you think have flown from overseas? It’s a tiny number. And if they are that bothered they deserve to be there. She was an international figure.

The queues are long because there are nearly 70M people in this county and quite a lot of them what to go.

Of course it’s tough with kids, but viewing the Queen lying in state is designed for adults not kids.

There’s probably a book of condolence near you, find that and go sign it with them, take them to church on Sunday when there will be prayers for her. Watch the funeral with them - read one of the guides before so you can explain what it all means and why it matters.

MarinoRoyale · 14/09/2022 10:38

Flaming hell, this is the epitome of entitlement - moaning at the unfairness of not walking past a coffin in a timescale that suits your children. You DO have the opportunity to go, you just don’t like the wait to do so, so feel other arrangements should have been made to accommodate you.

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:38

MrsFezziwig · 14/09/2022 10:36

Why not take them to a church, let them light a candle and sign the book of condolences? They’ll probably enjoy that as much as they would being dragged about London. A moment’s thought would have told you that the number of people attending was never going to be small enough to make it a good experience. And the people you describe who have flown in are part of a tiny minority - frankly if they’re prepared to spend thousands of pounds then I feel their dedication to the monarchy is considerably greater than mine, so they’re welcome to have my place.

Yes, this is what we'll do. There's a children's memorial thing being held at the church near us which we'll take them along to.

OP posts:
nachoavocado · 14/09/2022 10:39

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:34

I know this part of my post is particularly illogical. I think it's more about people turning it into a tourist event/fun day out because they can, which in turn makes it even more inaccessible because the numbers become even more unwieldy!

But if you went with your kids you would be doing exactly the same. A sort of pilgrimage.

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:39

MiddleParking · 14/09/2022 10:37

I think it's more about people turning it into a tourist event/fun day out because they can

Oh right were you wanting to go because you’re mates with the queen?! That makes a lot more sense then.

It's astounding you can't tell the different

OP posts:
RagingWoke · 14/09/2022 10:40

You want to make looking at a coffin a ticketed event in the name of ThE cHiLdReN? In what world is that respectful or dignified? The whole thing is morbid and weird.

I find it baffling that anyone is queuing to look at a coffin of someone they don't know anyway but you really are making an issue of nothing. Everyone has the same opportunity to go, you've just decided not to.

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:41

Luredbyapomegranate · 14/09/2022 10:38

Blimey this is new levels of unreasonable.

How many people do you think have flown from overseas? It’s a tiny number. And if they are that bothered they deserve to be there. She was an international figure.

The queues are long because there are nearly 70M people in this county and quite a lot of them what to go.

Of course it’s tough with kids, but viewing the Queen lying in state is designed for adults not kids.

There’s probably a book of condolence near you, find that and go sign it with them, take them to church on Sunday when there will be prayers for her. Watch the funeral with them - read one of the guides before so you can explain what it all means and why it matters.

Yes, fair enough! I know it's illogical and you're right.

OP posts:
KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:42

MarinoRoyale · 14/09/2022 10:38

Flaming hell, this is the epitome of entitlement - moaning at the unfairness of not walking past a coffin in a timescale that suits your children. You DO have the opportunity to go, you just don’t like the wait to do so, so feel other arrangements should have been made to accommodate you.

Not my children, we'll be fine. Children more generally, people with mobility issues who don't qualify for the fast track queue, etc. Keep up

OP posts:
MiddleParking · 14/09/2022 10:42

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:39

It's astounding you can't tell the different

It really isn’t. There is, in fact, no difference.

MrsFezziwig · 14/09/2022 10:42

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:38

Yes, this is what we'll do. There's a children's memorial thing being held at the church near us which we'll take them along to.

That sounds perfect! All the kids I know would be far more excited at the thought of lighting a candle than queuing for hours!

ImIntaDouchingMyself · 14/09/2022 10:43

How do you expect everyone who wants to go to go without a long queue forming. I don't understand what you're upset about. You thought because you wanted to go thousands of others won't bother as children can't queue for hours on end? It's not going to be a stampede to the coffin is it you have to wait like everyone else

Robinsonsquashedme · 14/09/2022 10:43

This sounds a bit like FOMO more than anything else.

There are a million ways that you can pay your respects that would probably have a lot more benefit to society as a whole than trapsing down to London for the weekend.

amatsip · 14/09/2022 10:43

Do you feel you have more right to see the Queens coffin than people from abroad?

SleeplessInEngland · 14/09/2022 10:44

As you say yourself, it's lunacy to want to queue that long just to see a coffin. What you're actually annoyed by is the queue not being shorter.