To think it's a shame we can't pay our respects

[KeepYaHeadUp]

When we initially heard about the funeral plans DH and I said it might be "nice" to take our DC to London (we're just outside) to walk past the Queen in Westminster Hall. They've been very interested in the whole event and are old enough now that they'll remember it and be able to talk about it, etc. so when they independently asked to go we looked into it.

It quickly became apparent it wasn't going to be feasible due to the huge queues etc, so that was knocked on the head. I feel it's a shame but there's no way I'd have them queuing in the rain.

On the news this morning there are a number of people who's caught flights from all over the world to come and be part of it. One pair - a mother and adult son from New York flew over as soon as they heard the Queen had died and are queuing now.

I know it's unreasonable really, but I felt a pang of something - jealousy, irritation, not sure - at these people with money and time to fly for hours to come and pay their respects to our monarch adding to numbers which effectively deny other groups the opportunity. I know there are allowances made for people with disabilities who are unable to queue for up to 30 hours, but what about children/families for whom it's impossible?

So you want to be able to say that you have paid your respects but you won't want to put in any effort and you hold a grudge against people who are willing to put in the effort?

No, it's not a child friendly event so it makes sense not to take your kids there. It doesn't make sense to resent the people who do go.

Why in the world should “looking at a coffin” be given a child-friendly set-up? They’re hardly going to put an ikea ball pit next to it.

I wouldn't want to queue for 3 hours let alone 30 but good luck to people who are willing to do so. If I had lived nearer to one of the roads the hearse passed through I would have gone and stood there and did think good on all the people who did so, particularly last night in the rain.

There are books of condolence all around the country which anyone can go and sign, maybe this is something to consider for those with children as will give an idea of the solemnity of the situation. Also, what is wrong with leaving a message on the online book of condolence.

@eldora - what if I'm foreign. How does that compute then? Don't try to read something that isn't there for the sake of arguing about it. Our monarch was meant exactly as it sounded. It was using some sentimental language to reflect the fact that she was a monarch to countries all over the world.

Honestly I think you should dig deep and ask yourself why you went there so readily

Who knows? Maybe they have fond memories of their grandmum talking about the queen. Maybe when they were at a low point in their life they were inspired by the queen to go on. Who knows? It's not up to you to decide whose motivation is valid.

If it helps, I'm a British national, I live in the UK and I won't be going to pay my respects so you are very welcome to take my place.

Hang on a minute.... whenever royalists are justifying the monarchy, "tourist income" is usually one of the main arguments that gets trotted out. Apparently having a physical, living monarch brings in shedloads of money, and this outweighs arguments about the inherent unfairness of the hereditary principle.

But now we're saying the monarchy has no relevance to tourists and we don't want them interacting with our royal traditions?

Not personally

Oh Fgs. You do realise most people have children and you want special rules for them? Won't someone think of the children 🙄

Your initial post mention nothing about other kids, just yours. So nice little add in there.

Well, because someone has died! A real person, not like a character in Harry Potter or Game of Thrones.

Absolutely batshit seems an entirely accurate summation,

And besides which people that are less able are you suddenly advocating for? you haven't mentioned anyone you personally know, just your own kids who you initially posted about.

@stuntbubbles - I think you do many children a disservice. Just because your offspring demand ball pits wherever they go that's not true of all children

You could apply that argument to probably the majority of the people in the queue though.

A large proportion are they because they want to be able to say they were there. Same goes for you - you want to be able to say you were there, but without the hassle of queueing.

If it's paying respects that is so important, there are dozens of other ways to do it.

@Mumspair1 True. Because my initial pang was comparing these people on the news to my children directly. But my thought process evolved and I'm pondering it more widely.

@Octomore nailed it - we only want the tourists when it suits us (do all the grief tourists count? 🙄).

The tourist argument for the monarchy is a huge pile of bollocks anyway! No proof any tourists come to see the actual people, they come for the buildings and no one is suggesting they be knocked down 🙄.

It quickly became apparent it wasn't going to be feasible due to the huge queues etc, so that was knocked on the head. I feel it's a shame but there's no way I'd have them queuing in the rain.

I hope you do not mind me saying this OP, it is said with a genuine desire to help. I am so sorry you feel you cannot attend something that means a lot to you, but actually if it IS that important I think you can/should. It does not matter what other people can do, it's about you and if it is important enough to you.

I have a rather strange life in having three adult disabled children who we care for 24/7. This means we do miss out on ordinary things - going out for meals/holidays/seeing friends/my husband and I spending time just the two of us - all difficult/nearly impossible. We have no one else who can help us.

However there is one event (I won't say what as people would laugh) that is the next most important thing in my life other than family. It happens approx every two or three years. And somehow for the past 40 years I have always been able to attend - and I think this is what gives me the strength to carry on through the difficult times, the knowledge that in two or three years I will go again. This year as both my husband were ill, he had been in hospital, and it seemed totally impossible to be able to go. I was heartbroken but made the "sensible" decision. I cried myself to sleep for weeks. But a few days before my husband, newly out of hospital, said we HAD to go...and somehow we made it work. It was ill advised, inconvenient, expensive and so so difficult to arrange care for everyone in our absence. And on a personal level painful, perhaps dangerous. But despite both catching covid at the event, and having more serious health issues due to it, we are so very, very glad we made it and that day spent doing something I love with someone I most love was worth everything. I will never regret it. But it's made me realise I CAN do other things, maybe I make too many excuses about other things because it is difficult and inconvenient and involves such complex arrangements, but I can....so I think if this is important to you, GO, just GO. A bit of rain, a long, long wait, just DO IT. You can if you want to enough, as I proved to myself. Tomorrow I go into hospital again, but with the wonderful and special memories of that day that is so very important to me go with me.

Well, someone Who has had a procedure recently meaning they'd find it hard to stand for too long. Someone who has terrible guts / IBS! Someone who doesn't like large crowds. Someone with no childcare. I don't know! Use your imagination

Good news OP, BBC will be doing a live stream.

The really batshit thing is that the UK does not generally have a tradition of people going to look at coffins before funerals. I know traditions in other countries differ (e.g. the wake is a big tradition in Ireland) but "viewing the coffin" has not been a part of any UK funeral I've ever been to.

We don't normally file past our dead relative's coffins in order to "pay respects". No, we quietly light candles, say prayers (if religious), lay wreaths, send sympathy cards, make a donation to the hospice etc.. There are many ways that people pay respects in this country, but "viewing the coffin" is a new one on me.

Thank you for sharing this @cornishcrusader - really great to read. And I'm so happy you made it to the event!

You're right thoigh, if it meant that much to me I'd make it work. If the kids hadn't asked to go I wouldn't have considered it in a month of sundays. Not my cup of tea at all! I haven't thought about it for days, until the news this morning made me feel a bit sad for them.

This thread is batshit. Honestly one of the most bizarre threads I’ve seen on here and I’ve been here for years.

So someone wants to go and see the queen along with several other million people. But they don’t think they should have to queue for 30 hours, so exactly what do they expect to happen? I mean seriously, what?

The answer is simple. If you want to go and see the coffin then go and queue for 30 hours, spend 30 seconds filing past it and then get on with your life. If you’re not willing to do that, then don’t bother.

I wouldn’t even queue for 30 hours to buy tickets for my most loved artist or to watch a sports event, and those go on for a couple of hours. Why anyone would want to queue for 30 hours to walk past a wooden box is beyond me.

I can understand more the people who went to the palace when Charles and William etc did the walkabout. But even then the idea of being caught in the crush does not appeal.

But the queuing for the coffin thing is just odd. I mean it’s not an open coffin, you’re not going to see anyone. If you wanted to be cynical you couldn’t even be sure that it was the queen in that coffin. Obviously I’m sure it is, but it could not be.

And who are you to be speaking on their behalf? Has someone actually asked you or complained to you about this? Or are you offended on their behalf?

Ahh true. This is the argument that is trotted out everytime someone attempts to question the actual return in tangible, solid terms of what the Monarchy do. So I guess you're right, that in practical terms any discrimination has no basis on that principle.

I'd still argue that UK/commonwealth citizens should be put first for reasons of association. But completely see this point.

Annoying nonetheless.

🏏💩