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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it's a shame we can't pay our respects

518 replies

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:15

When we initially heard about the funeral plans DH and I said it might be "nice" to take our DC to London (we're just outside) to walk past the Queen in Westminster Hall. They've been very interested in the whole event and are old enough now that they'll remember it and be able to talk about it, etc. so when they independently asked to go we looked into it.

It quickly became apparent it wasn't going to be feasible due to the huge queues etc, so that was knocked on the head. I feel it's a shame but there's no way I'd have them queuing in the rain.

On the news this morning there are a number of people who's caught flights from all over the world to come and be part of it. One pair - a mother and adult son from New York flew over as soon as they heard the Queen had died and are queuing now.

I know it's unreasonable really, but I felt a pang of something - jealousy, irritation, not sure - at these people with money and time to fly for hours to come and pay their respects to our monarch adding to numbers which effectively deny other groups the opportunity. I know there are allowances made for people with disabilities who are unable to queue for up to 30 hours, but what about children/families for whom it's impossible?

OP posts:
eldora · 14/09/2022 12:53

Starlightstarbright1 · 14/09/2022 12:47

This is the most bizairre thread.

There are so many ways to be part of this..

If famies went to the front, the certain age group then the poor people who don't fit into any catagory?

I think MN has collectively lost its mind.

First the transformation of Paddington into the Grim Reaper and now possessiveness over who sees the Queen's casket

nachoavocado · 14/09/2022 12:54

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 14/09/2022 12:52

That's not what I mean and you know it. I work right now. It'd look bad if I took a day or so off work to queue to see HRH Queen lying in state. Therefore, I have after work and weekends to do this. It's important to me as a British subject to do this. I didn't think it would be this important, but it is.

That's the way it is. The unemployed and those who don't have to work will get to queue and see the coffin. That is just how it is.

eldora · 14/09/2022 12:54

CaptainCorellisXylophone · 14/09/2022 12:47

Tiered queuing system? Number One is the English queue (with a priority lane for Waitrose card holders presumably)?

😂

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 14/09/2022 12:55

SleeplessInEngland · 14/09/2022 12:51

Don't be so ridiculous.

'Don't be ridiculous' says the person angry forrinnners are also insane enough to want to queue for 10 miles gawk at a box.

OK, I'm being very black and white here.

I just can't understand why an American or other non Commonwealth or United Kingdom member should want to queue to see the Queen's laying in state when she wasn't their ruler? Apart from it being a tourism exercise for them. If you have the money and time to travel like they do etc.

If someone can explain to me why (and taking out recent Americans, etc with recent UK heritage) they're that interested then I'll listen.

nachoavocado · 14/09/2022 12:55

eldora · 14/09/2022 12:50

Yeah, right Hmm Read your own post and your possessiveness about our monarch.

I know it's unreasonable really, but I felt a pang of something - jealousy, irritation, not sure - at these people with money and time to fly for hours to come and pay their respects to our monarch adding to numbers which effectively deny other groups the opportunity.

You're backtracking now because you're realising just how xenophobic you sound. And other posters have picked up on it too.

It's really weird

nachoavocado · 14/09/2022 12:56

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 14/09/2022 12:55

OK, I'm being very black and white here.

I just can't understand why an American or other non Commonwealth or United Kingdom member should want to queue to see the Queen's laying in state when she wasn't their ruler? Apart from it being a tourism exercise for them. If you have the money and time to travel like they do etc.

If someone can explain to me why (and taking out recent Americans, etc with recent UK heritage) they're that interested then I'll listen.

They clearly are or they wouldn't queue.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 14/09/2022 12:56

Also, I'm not a Royalist nor a republican by any means. I don't know why HRH Queen's passing has affected me so much, but it has. It's personal to me.

PinkStarAtNight · 14/09/2022 12:57

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:28

It's not that I don't want to queue, I don't want to risk having to queue for 10, 20 hours in what ends up being peak time (because it will have to be an evening or weekend) and risk having to bail out, etc.

It's not about me - it's more about children. Surely you can see the queueing isn't a child friendly set up?

How else could it have been set up? Of course there's going to be ques, and it's up to you to decide whether you and your family can do it or not. Other families who decide they are able to do it aren't taking anything away from you by going. You can go if you want, you've decided not to. Your feeling about this is strange.

If it helps, Theo Usherwood is down there now and has reported to LBC that at the moment it would probably take you six hours to que. There are people handing out wristbands so you don't lose your place in the que if you need to toilet or whatever, and apparently people are being very supportive of each other and helping to save places in que.

However, if you consider all of the information and decide you can't take your DC, that's fine. Just don't blame other people who CAN manage it for 'taking' your place, or claim that its 'not accessible enough' - how could it be anymore accessible???

YABVU

skippy67 · 14/09/2022 12:57

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 14/09/2022 12:40

I personally think, and I know it's an unpopular opinion but people wishing to pay their respects should be Great British (England, Wales etc), then Commonwealth nations and not tourists from just any old country.

I want to pay my respects but would be slightly pissed off if a load of tourists are using it as a 'tourist trip' and be ahead of me, who has to work. I mean sure, tourists should be allowed to pay their respects but not ahead of the people I mentioned above.

Bloody hell.

lawandgin · 14/09/2022 12:57

@Cervinia for me, it's not about DD "getting to go". I physically cannot go without her, I have no one to leave her with.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 14/09/2022 12:58

nachoavocado · 14/09/2022 12:56

They clearly are or they wouldn't queue.

Yes but why exactly. You can't tell me why.

I've seen enough Americans etc (you give them passes for this) say stuff like "oh what a quaint castle" and I appreciate many of them not having much old history in USA appreciate ours in kind.

ImNotDancing · 14/09/2022 12:59

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/09/2022 10:28

It's not that I don't want to queue, I don't want to risk having to queue for 10, 20 hours in what ends up being peak time (because it will have to be an evening or weekend) and risk having to bail out, etc.

It's not about me - it's more about children. Surely you can see the queueing isn't a child friendly set up?

The world does not revolve around children

nachoavocado · 14/09/2022 12:59

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 14/09/2022 12:58

Yes but why exactly. You can't tell me why.

I've seen enough Americans etc (you give them passes for this) say stuff like "oh what a quaint castle" and I appreciate many of them not having much old history in USA appreciate ours in kind.

Why is it important to anyone?

EbbyEbs · 14/09/2022 13:00

Nobody stopped you from making the effort

Octomore · 14/09/2022 13:00

Why the fuck is it wrong to go as a "tourism exercise".

I have a newsflash for you - a large proportion of people queueing up are not feeling genuine grief. 99.9% of them never even met the Queen, let alone ever spoke to her. They are going as an exercise in pageantry, tradition, and the need to feel part of something that's bigger than themselves. They're not going to be missing her presence at the dinner table this Christmas, or feeling a pang when they can't introduce their new baby to her.

Why is that better than going as a "tourism exercise" (aka wanting to experience another country's ceremonies and traditions)?

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 14/09/2022 13:01

nachoavocado · 14/09/2022 12:59

Why is it important to anyone?

True.

Look for the purposes of this thread I'll apologise as I don't want to upset anyone.

I'm just quite rational and black and white and less 'shades of grey'.

I guess it is nice that other nations apart from the ones I mentioned would like to pay their respects. Have a good day everyone.

Octomore · 14/09/2022 13:01

ImNotDancing · 14/09/2022 12:59

The world does not revolve around children

This is quite an inflammatory statement to make on MN! 😂

I agree though.

JemimaPiddleDick · 14/09/2022 13:02

Levellingdown · 14/09/2022 10:29

So what is your answer? Some kind of dispensation for the 35m families in the country that have kids? For her to lie there for a month or so? A drive by your house?

If you want to queue 30 hours to walk past a coffin go for it - I think you’re all mad - but you don’t want to?

To be fair they drove her past my house on Sunday

Dragmedown · 14/09/2022 13:02

know this part of my post is particularly illogical. I think it's more about people turning it into a tourist event/fun day out because they can, which in turn makes it even more inaccessible because the numbers become even more unwieldy!

YABU for accusing others of turning it into a tourist event whilst also suggesting it could be a ticketed event!! Just because it doesn’t fit your circumstances doesn’t give you the right to pin ‘blame’ on others.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 14/09/2022 13:05

Sorry haven't RTFT but the Queen will be buried in St George's chapel in Windsor next to her parents and Prince Phillip. St George's chapel open to the public - we've visited as part of a trip to Windsor Castle. I think entry to services is free.

You could pay your respects there after the funeral.

DdraigGoch · 14/09/2022 13:06

nachoavocado · 14/09/2022 11:15

I cant see how you'd get your exact spot back though. Maybe you get to go into the right "zone"

When queuing for such a long time, you may well make friends with the people around you. In Edinburgh I was in the queue for five solid hours. When people nipped off to grab something from one of the food stands or to use the portabogs which had been provided, we looked out for them coming back, even though the queue went through moments of rapid movement.

No one cut in where it wasn't their place to. Why would you behave disrespectfully when the entire point of the event is to pay one's respects? At a couple of checkpoints the G4S security guards did ask everyone to show that they were wearing a wristband as they passed, that at least proved that they had joined at the Meadows with everyone else.

Octomore · 14/09/2022 13:07

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 14/09/2022 13:05

Sorry haven't RTFT but the Queen will be buried in St George's chapel in Windsor next to her parents and Prince Phillip. St George's chapel open to the public - we've visited as part of a trip to Windsor Castle. I think entry to services is free.

You could pay your respects there after the funeral.

Ah, but you see, that wouldn't involve posting about how hard done by you are on MN. It's not performative enough to meet the brief.

Redlorryyellowlorryblue · 14/09/2022 13:08

I want to visit and queue too but I cannot as I have small children and no one to look after them for 30 hours. I’m taking them to look at the flowers and the palace after school and watching the funeral in TV on Monday. It is what it is.

DysonSphere · 14/09/2022 13:11

I think I understand a bit OP

The tourist aspect is annoying. It's been happening at the palace too. Tourists taking up queue space to take selfies among the flowers. When I went to BP I was really struck by the wide difference between those in quiet reflection...some quite moved, and a load of tourist posing for pics and climbing the Queen Victoria statue.

I think there should have been some way to prioritise UK residents and people from commonwealth nations to view the Queen lying in state. After all it's UK taxpayers who help fund them the monarchy directly or otherwise. Not tourists.

Summersdreaming · 14/09/2022 13:11

This is all absolutely batshit. I'm scrolling through the news and MN like it's an episode of Black Mirror. Fascinating and terrifying in equal measure.

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