Annoying MIL goes on about DS being DH twin

Janedoe95 · 2022-09-13T22:32:28+00:00

does anyone else have this issue, you’d think that DH just cloned himself and I had nothing to do with it according to her. AIBU to find it annoying, does anyone else have the same problem. DS also looks like both of us he’s got my eye shape and nose and hair DH family are happy to point out how cute said features are but so far unable to acknowledge he has a single thing from me. i should add my MIL is nice and so is family but it’s getting annoying to be told your child looks nothing like you and everything is from dad (strangers do notice the resemblance between myself and DS and my own family are happy to acknowledge they can see us both)

Kite22 · 13/09/2022 23:37

His side of the family won't have known hat you were like at your ds's age, but they will catch an angle or a look or the way the hair sticks up or something and it will just bring back those memories.
It is perfectly normal and not worth getting hung up about.
People who knew you when you were little will soon spot things that remeind them of you at that age.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 13/09/2022 23:48

Try not to worry about it.

ExMIL insisted their her red haired, green eyed, freckled granddaughter was very obviously taking after my ex and his family, especially with her little upturned nose. The similarities between DD and a bunch of people all dark haired, brown eyed, olive skinned and roman nosed were obvious and not in the slightest bit connected to me, her mother, with my red hair, green eyes, freckles and upturned nose.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 13/09/2022 23:51

It is something that families do subconsciously to reassure the father that he is the father. He (biologically) doesn't have the same certainty of paternity as the mother does that it is hers. They probably aren't aware that they do it.

NoSquirrels · 13/09/2022 23:51

It happens to every child in every family. It’s not a snub against you (unless there are other issues). It’s just that families see resemblances of their own loved ones - it’s sweet, if it’s anything. Do you have family around you who see your side’s resemblance? If not, perhaps that’s heightening your response to this?

maddy68 · 13/09/2022 23:53

It's normal. She sees similarity in her grandhild and her son so what?

Original poster

Janedoe95 · 13/09/2022 23:53

NeverDropYourMooncup · 13/09/2022 23:48

Try not to worry about it.

ExMIL insisted their her red haired, green eyed, freckled granddaughter was very obviously taking after my ex and his family, especially with her little upturned nose. The similarities between DD and a bunch of people all dark haired, brown eyed, olive skinned and roman nosed were obvious and not in the slightest bit connected to me, her mother, with my red hair, green eyes, freckles and upturned nose.

At least I’m not the only one Haha although mine isn’t quite that bad

OP posts:

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 13/09/2022 23:55

In fact you might find that your family and friends push the resemblance to your dh even more. See link

Djmaggie · 13/09/2022 23:58

Oh My God! Does it really matter??!!

mrsfollowill · 14/09/2022 00:09

Oh I have had this with MIL for 20yrs - to be fair DS is the spit of his Dad- they even walk the same way! If one of them nips upstairs while I'm in the kitchen (God that makes me sound downtrodden 50's housewife! I'm not I swear I'm often in there having a fag by the back door!) I cannot always tell who it is and get mixed up.
When DS was a tiny baby MIL once said in all seriousness- if you and DH died by rights DS will come to his dad's side of the family- he will belong to us! It's how it is- er nope! he would be brought up by my sister and BIL with his cousins.
Ds does look eerily like a copy of his dad- BIL has called round tonight and produced a photo of 16yrs old DH and they even have the same 'beard pattern'. as you would expect I suppose. I have nice almond shaped eyes and long lashes which is the one thing DS has from me! the colour of his eyes is identical to his dad though.
The whole thing is so annoying though- I totally get it - MIL- your son did not grow and birth this baby! I did that bit- and no he does not look like your brother or your long dead cousins either- he is a mix of me and DH.

Panjandrum123 · 14/09/2022 00:12

My family see eldest DS as my clone; DP’s family see him in eldest. It’s a perspective thing. We neither of us knew each other growing up so either side of the family only has the one point of reference. It’s not done to be annoying, but I get that it can be. You just have to rise above it.

Cherchezlaspice · 14/09/2022 00:12

NeverDropYourMooncup · 13/09/2022 23:48

Try not to worry about it.

ExMIL insisted their her red haired, green eyed, freckled granddaughter was very obviously taking after my ex and his family, especially with her little upturned nose. The similarities between DD and a bunch of people all dark haired, brown eyed, olive skinned and roman nosed were obvious and not in the slightest bit connected to me, her mother, with my red hair, green eyes, freckles and upturned nose.

🤣🤣🤣

Marvellousmadness · 14/09/2022 04:16

Just tell her

Ds is not dh's twin
He is his mini me

And yes he still looks like you. Stop being insecure

Robinsonsquashedme · 14/09/2022 04:25

I think it doesn't matter at the end of the day. My kids both look more like DH than me. That is no reflection of my parenting or capabilities as a mother. I know I'm their mum and they know I'm their mum.

Lampzade · 14/09/2022 04:25

I have three kids and they all look like their father’s family
I am told this every time I see dh’s friends and relatives

Charlieiscool · 14/09/2022 04:25

For goodness sake let it go. She’s taking pride in him and loves him. Why does that bother you so much, you sound needy and a bit silly.

LovelaceBiggWither · 14/09/2022 04:32

My MIL kept telling me our first son was the spitting image of her husband. Who is DH's stepfather and there is no genetic link.

Mumspair1 · 14/09/2022 04:38

LovelaceBiggWither · 14/09/2022 04:32

My MIL kept telling me our first son was the spitting image of her husband. Who is DH's stepfather and there is no genetic link.

🤣🤣

Ray92 · 14/09/2022 05:03

Hahaha exact same thing happening with me. But my MIL is... Difficult.
It is so annoying!

Andromachehadabadday · 14/09/2022 05:28

I always find the ‘who the baby looks like more’ battles in families funny.

as though people really feel there’s more claim to a child if it looks more like their side.

i thought my kids looked like exh, some people thought they looked like me. Different people see different things. I get told dd is really like me now she is grown up. I get told I am the double of my mum. I don’t see it.

I wouldn’t just let it go. It’s objective.

GiantTortoise · 14/09/2022 05:33

Ah don't worry OP. It's slightly annoying but completely normal! My MIL does it too (it's basically true in our case tbf). As you generally get on well with your in laws I'd try to let this go.

PatchworkElmer · 14/09/2022 05:53

I think it’s something we’re socialised to say, for whatever reason. I found myself saying it to a colleague about his newborn the other day, and the baby looks nothing like him at all 😂😂

I also think that (generally) newborns look like their fathers. DC was DH’s image as a tiny baby, but now they are much more like me/ my siblings.

Byebyebigbelly · 14/09/2022 05:55

My MIL does it too. Every single attribute dc have is down to their side of the family whether it’s being good at maths or how they look. It’s as if DH reproduced like a seahorse or whatever animal it is that reproduces without a partner.My 50 per cent contribution to their genes is ignored.

DC good at running? It must be because great aunt Mildred was a fast runner! (I was in the school athletics team). DC interested in studying law? Oh, third cousin was a lawyer! (My dad, grandfather and brother all lawyers).

DS1 is my double but no, he’s the double of BIL according to her (there is no resemblance). It is very tedious, you have my sympathy.

Bootsandcat · 14/09/2022 05:58

You are so very lucky if this is your only complaint about your MIL….

Yourstory · 14/09/2022 06:03

Yes, we all have much bigger problems in the world but it is annoying isn't it?!

My MIL says everytime she sees my son that he has the same hair as his Dad. We both have different hair colours and types. My son has the exact same hair as me and nothing like his Dad. Even if you compare child photographs, which I have to her because it was getting annoying, it is obvious. I have no idea where she is looking.

Lampzade · 14/09/2022 08:46

Byebyebigbelly · 14/09/2022 05:55

My MIL does it too. Every single attribute dc have is down to their side of the family whether it’s being good at maths or how they look. It’s as if DH reproduced like a seahorse or whatever animal it is that reproduces without a partner.My 50 per cent contribution to their genes is ignored.

DC good at running? It must be because great aunt Mildred was a fast runner! (I was in the school athletics team). DC interested in studying law? Oh, third cousin was a lawyer! (My dad, grandfather and brother all lawyers).

DS1 is my double but no, he’s the double of BIL according to her (there is no resemblance). It is very tedious, you have my sympathy.

Same here