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Original poster

Annoying MIL goes on about DS being DH twin

103 replies

Janedoe95 · 13/09/2022 23:32

does anyone else have this issue, you’d think that DH just cloned himself and I had nothing to do with it according to her.

AIBU to find it annoying, does anyone else have the same problem.

DS also looks like both of us he’s got my eye shape and nose and hair DH family are happy to point out how cute said features are but so far unable to acknowledge he has a single thing from me.

i should add my MIL is nice and so is family but it’s getting annoying to be told your child looks nothing like you and everything is from dad

(strangers do notice the resemblance between myself and DS and my own family are happy to acknowledge they can see us both)

OP posts:
Lampzade · 14/09/2022 08:49

Mil law claimed that dd1’s large beautiful doe eyes came from her
MIL’s eyes were very tiny…

AnnieDav · 14/09/2022 08:52

My children look exactly like my side of the family which I am sure is very annoying to DH as people often comment on it!

On of them in particular is so like my Dad (looks, mannerisms, everything) that it is like he’s been cloned.

I have to admit I am slightly smug as my ILs spent the whole of my first pregnancy banging on about how strong their family genes are and that the baby would definitely look exactly like DH. Petty, I know 😏

Thereisnolight · 14/09/2022 08:53

One day your DS may have a partner and child and when you lovingly mention that your grandchild resembles your DS your DIL will sneer and tell everyone how annoying you are.

purplethings · 14/09/2022 08:53

It's a kind of appropriation, I can see why it's annoying

JustHereWithMyPopcorn · 14/09/2022 08:55

I had this with both of my boys. Funny thing was, DS1 was a real mix of both of us but DS was scarily just a double of me and it still got said that he looked just like that side of the family. You have to let it wash over you no matter how annoying it is.

homarrrer · 14/09/2022 08:56

My MIL used to be like this with my first Daughter. To be fair she did actually look a lot more like her side of the family but it was fucking annoying listening to her say it every day. When her side of the family would meet up she would say how her eyes, nose, everything was the same as her kids growing up. She once said that her great aunts, husbands sister (I mean not exactly that, but far removed!) had the same walk. I just thought for fuck sake. Never any comments about how she might be like me.

My 2nd Daughter looks exactly like me and everyone kept commenting on it and it took her a couple of months to agree with everyone.

Not sure why they do it. I posted about it at the time and everyone said it's quite normal and they just want to feel like a part of her etc.

Annoying tho

SalviaOfficinalis · 14/09/2022 08:59

I can see how it’s annoying.

My MIL doesn’t make the effort to see DS very often and then says how much he looks like my family. It kind of feels like she’s saying he’s part of my family not hers.

I think the less comments on appearance the better!

Hill1991 · 14/09/2022 09:00

My mum had this with me and my brother I am my dads double but my brother actually looks more like my mum it really annoyed her growing up it doesn't so much now we're adults.

I have this but the opposite my ds is my double, I think it does annoy my partner when everyone points it out thought.

DancingBudgie · 14/09/2022 09:04

My eldest has always been the double of his father.
Looking at photos of them both at the same age is like looking at twins.
My m.i.l used to proudly whip out the photos to anyone who commented.
It didn't bother me in the slightest, if anything it used to make me laugh.

Bloodyusernamechangefailagain · 14/09/2022 09:05

Far better this sort of appropriation than act like my late MIL who mentioned every time we saw her that DS looked nothing like her son and gave me a quizzical look short of asking for a DNA test!
It wasn't until I put one of DHs childhood photos in a double frame together with a photo of DS, and she thought they were both photos of DS, that she actually shut up about it!

Thereisnolight · 14/09/2022 09:06

Bloodyusernamechangefailagain · 14/09/2022 09:05

Far better this sort of appropriation than act like my late MIL who mentioned every time we saw her that DS looked nothing like her son and gave me a quizzical look short of asking for a DNA test!
It wasn't until I put one of DHs childhood photos in a double frame together with a photo of DS, and she thought they were both photos of DS, that she actually shut up about it!

😄

toomuchlaundry · 14/09/2022 09:07

MIL used to be like this, said DS was the spitting image of DH. When DH pointed out DS’s eyes were my colour not his, she retorted back ‘well apart from them’! She wasn’t too keen on me at this stage of our relationship so didn’t really want anything linked with me. She also sent us a school photo of a relative she said DS was also a spitting image of. DS didn’t look like him at all and in fact we chose the wrong person in the photo at first.

From looks we then moved onto personality and achievements. Any bad attributes like stubbornness were obviously inherited from me and we also had the infamous comment ‘he’s very clever he must take after his father’ 😡DH did pick her up on this, and over the years it has dialled down.

Interestingly, I am adopted and so many people (who didn’t know family history) commented on how I looked like my adoptive mum

courgettigreensadwater · 14/09/2022 09:09

NeverDropYourMooncup · 13/09/2022 23:48

Try not to worry about it.

ExMIL insisted their her red haired, green eyed, freckled granddaughter was very obviously taking after my ex and his family, especially with her little upturned nose. The similarities between DD and a bunch of people all dark haired, brown eyed, olive skinned and roman nosed were obvious and not in the slightest bit connected to me, her mother, with my red hair, green eyes, freckles and upturned nose.

Hahaha. Love it. Also love your name. Kind of. SmileShockSmile

WingingIt101 · 14/09/2022 09:09

I think some of the posts telling OP to chill are a bit abrupt.
No in the grand scheme of things the comments from mil don't matter. But to a new mum they can sting and OP doesn't sound like she's crying into her pillow about it every night.

I remember it well OP. In fact now almost 3 years on from DD arrival with a second on the way my mil refuses to acknowledge that our daughter is anything but her sons.

In appearance
In behaviours
In likes and dislikes

I remember chatting to a friend who said she felt she was a hotel for 9 months to grow her twins and since has been nothing.

We recently went on holiday with her and of the 63912 photos she took of dd not a single one included me. All dd, DH and her!

I fully expect it to happen with the next one too!

My advice - ignore it if you can. Recognise she's probably being taken back 30ish years to when her precious son was small and wants to reminisce. I think there's also something primal in it - babies and kids are wired to look a lot like their dads so the dad doesn't reject them or something!
If it gets bad you can always try phrases like "oh no his hair is identical to mine, especially at that age - I'll have to get my old baby photos out of the loft for a laugh!"

If it does really bother you that's ok - try not to let it, there will be bigger fish to fry but if it's too much could your DH drop the odd supportive comment "yep my nose but he got his mothers lovely eyes/kind nature etc to balance it out!"

LabiaMinoraPissusFlapus · 14/09/2022 09:13

My MIL was like this but all our children have grown to look very much like me and there's no denying it now, I did have something to do with making them!

LT2 · 14/09/2022 09:16

Opposite way round for me. My baby boy looks very much like daddy but there are probably my features too (I always think it's harder to see your own). His family never say it, neither do others really, but my family and I say it all the time. I love that he looks like daddy. He's still mine and my genes are there. I'll probably see them more as he grows. I don't get jealous about it.

Rewis · 14/09/2022 09:17

My grandmother went on about hiw my nephew (her great-grandson) looked like my brother. My mother looked at her and said "he looks nothing like [brother]. He's the spitting image of [SIL]". Grandma just said "okay good. I wasn't sure if it's appropriate to say that " 😅

Sounds annoying. But if possible ignore. Sounds like they are looking for similarities caue they are excited. It might tone down.

drpet49 · 14/09/2022 09:17

maddy68 · 13/09/2022 23:53

It's normal. She sees similarity in her grandhild and her son so what?

This.

Daisymae55 · 14/09/2022 09:18

My DD is the spitting image of her dad and looks nothing like me! Everyone including my MIL says they’re like twins - it honestly has never phased me. I’d say if that’s your one complaint about in laws you’re super lucky!

DucklingDaisy · 14/09/2022 09:20

God I couldn’t imagine caring about this, as long as it’s not just the tip of the iceberg and there’s more serious ways you feel she takes control or whatever. If anything, I’d be pleased my mother in law was taking pride in my kids.

saraclara · 14/09/2022 09:20

SalviaOfficinalis · 14/09/2022 08:59

I can see how it’s annoying.

My MIL doesn’t make the effort to see DS very often and then says how much he looks like my family. It kind of feels like she’s saying he’s part of my family not hers.

I think the less comments on appearance the better!

And there we have it. Basically MILs can't win!

10HailMarys · 14/09/2022 09:21

Honestly, I think it's pretty normal for people to see their own relatives in children's looks or personality. I don't think people are even conscious that they're doing this. They just see the elements of the parent they know best. I do see why it grates on you, but it is classic grandparent behaviour and I doubt it's malicious.

toomuchlaundry · 14/09/2022 09:22

The other grandparents seem to be able to see the bits that relate to DH though.

Rainbowbaby13 · 14/09/2022 09:23

My family and my in-laws are like this but it doesn't bother me at all. I think it's super cute and they aren't wrong I'm not sure myself if I was involved sometimes 😂😂😂

Lullabies2Paralyze · 14/09/2022 09:28

My child has my eyes and someone in OH’s family said they were the same eyes as their distant relation….possible, but it’s far more likely they are inherited from me haha.

annoyed me at the time but I’ve got bigger things to worry about quite frankly.

eventually Your child will look like no one except themselves so I wouldn’t bother thinking about it.