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Original poster

Annoying MIL goes on about DS being DH twin

103 replies

Janedoe95 · 13/09/2022 23:32

does anyone else have this issue, you’d think that DH just cloned himself and I had nothing to do with it according to her.

AIBU to find it annoying, does anyone else have the same problem.

DS also looks like both of us he’s got my eye shape and nose and hair DH family are happy to point out how cute said features are but so far unable to acknowledge he has a single thing from me.

i should add my MIL is nice and so is family but it’s getting annoying to be told your child looks nothing like you and everything is from dad

(strangers do notice the resemblance between myself and DS and my own family are happy to acknowledge they can see us both)

OP posts:
saraclara · 14/09/2022 12:21

Sh05 · 14/09/2022 12:18

Is he there first grandchild?
I had this with my eldest, according to mil he was more like her second cousins granddaughters neice than he was like me! It got pretty stupid and can laugh at their insistence now but at the time it was really hurtful.
Just shows how insecure they are

Or shows how insecure new mums can be.

It's really no threat to anyone's relationship with their baby, if in-laws see likenesses to their own offspring. Going over the top about it might be irritating, but 99% of the time it's not harmful and no threat.

GiselleRose · 14/09/2022 12:28

Yes, I used to get this. My eldest son is nearly 18 now and has actually grown up to look just like my mum (who died when he was 4 so it’s lovely for me to see the resemblance).

brookstar · 14/09/2022 12:32

It's really normal and isn't a dig at you.

At least they're interested, my dad hasn't seen or asked about my DS in months.

MrsTimRiggins · 14/09/2022 12:32

Haha my (otherwise bloody lovely) mother in law does this. Everything is their side, nothing at all like me, despite being actually very like me to look at.
it’s the tenuous links that get me. ‘Oh he gets that shade of blue eyes from his great great grandfather!’ Errr no, he has the exact same shade eyes as me, his mum 😂
It isn’t worth getting worked up over but I feel your pain 😂

WarmChocolateFudgeCake · 14/09/2022 13:02

Oh I've had this, they dug out a picture of my fil's cousin at the same age as our daughter, apart from looking the same age and having hair a similar length the similarities ended there. Yet they raved about the similarities. I got a picture of me the same age and my daughter shock horror looks just like me, his family still insisted she was the image of this family member... Babies do tend to look more like their dad when they are born though, all mine did, but after the first 12 months their features started to look more like mine.

saraclara · 14/09/2022 13:15

Apparently no mumsnetters own mothers see resemblances to their own relatives?
I know my mum did. But apparently on here it's only annoying when the MIL does it.
(For the record, I remember being irritated by my mum doing it, but she's just generally irritating!)

FrankTheThunderbird · 14/09/2022 13:18

My ex MIL was the opposite. She accused me of having an affair and DS1 not being her sons as he was blonde and no one in their family is blonde.

The fact that I am, as is my mum my brother, my Grandma, my cousins etcetera, was completely irrelevant.

britsabroad · 14/09/2022 13:33

Arghh my MIL does this and it drives me nuts. Im actually think it's rude. Our son is a mixture of us both. It doesn't just stop at appearance either. I'll say oh my son loves books and MIL will chime "oh he's so clever, likes books just like his dad"...... "he's exactly like him". She tends to be worse when she's had a glass of wine and her inner wine troll comes out.

Goldencarp · 14/09/2022 13:38

It doesn’t bother me. I have three children. I’m blonde with blue eyes, DH has dark hair with brown eyes. All 3 are carbon copies of my DH. All have dark hair and dark and brown eyes. There isn’t anything of me in any of them, absolutely nothing 😂. No one has ever said they look like me. It’s just one of those things whereas everyone constantly says how much like their dad they are, one is an adult and the other two are teenagers, I thought they might have mannerisms or something like me but no 😂

sóh₂wl̥ · 14/09/2022 13:43

In first meeting it was are you sure it's his by end everything was DH or her - even stuff like the hair very like mine.

It did get very annoying as it was content with nasty under tones - but it was a host of behaviors that were annoying at time we were busy and stressed - and it did start to upset me.

My parents found a photo of me at same age as toddler DD1 - I was slightly heavier (ff and weaned early opposed to DD1 bf and weaned 6 months and encouraged to be active) but it was really hard to tell if it was me or her. Showed IL - never mentioned again.

Since we had others everyone comments how a like they all look. Occasionally MIL points to picture of DH as a child says they are alike but no-one really sees it though individual characteristics you can trace back.

Now she takes credit for their manners. good behavior and exam results - but it's much easier to not be upset by that and see it as pride in them.

Mummydoingmybest · 14/09/2022 13:55

why do you care?
he’s a boy so probably does look like his dad! Everyone says same about my son and I don’t care! I love my DH and his looks so it’s fine. He has my stubborn personality and great eye sight so I’m glad about that haha!

Em3978 · 14/09/2022 14:12

My DS has always been the double of DH, but in looks only!
In every other aspect he's me 😂Mannersims, likes, dislikes, allergies, weirdnesses .. he's a mini-me in disguise 😃

Franticbutterfly · 14/09/2022 14:13

My MIL is the same...says the children only look like DH despite the fact that people who knew me when I was young say that DD1 is the image of me when I was a teen.

GettingStuffed · 14/09/2022 14:21

My grandson looks and behaves like his uncle, even my daughter's in-laws admit this but at the same he looks like his brother who's a spitting image of his dad. It's weird though. My granddaughter looks like me,I showed her a phot of me at about 2 and she though it was her, although she definitely has her mother's mannerisms

MsChatterbox · 14/09/2022 14:39

My MIL is the same. She will compare my children to any family relation on her side no matter how far down the line before she compares them to me. I read it's supposed to help them to bond though so I just let it lie.

silverpinecones · 14/09/2022 14:43

People always say the baby looks like the parent that they know best. My friends and family always say this about my girls, and my husbands say they look like him. Always makes me laugh when they don't even know what he looks like and say they look like me so much - they do, but for all they know they might be the spit of their dad or, shock horror, individual people!

It's just a thing people say. Don't let it get to you!

saraclara · 14/09/2022 14:44

Franticbutterfly · 14/09/2022 14:13

My MIL is the same...says the children only look like DH despite the fact that people who knew me when I was young say that DD1 is the image of me when I was a teen.

Presumably your MIL didn't know you when you were a teen.

Does your children's dad get annoyed when people insist that DD1 is the image and you, and none of him?

Technonan · 14/09/2022 14:45

Who'd be a MIL? Don't forget, most of you will be MILs eventually, and your DILs will be grumbling about you on here.

momtoboys · 14/09/2022 14:54

I have suffered with this for 24 years to be exact. Of my five sons exactly ONE has any resemblance to me. I was merely the incubator for the other four. My MIL talks about it ALL THE TIME!

eastegg · 14/09/2022 14:59

Djmaggie · 13/09/2022 23:58

Oh My God! Does it really matter??!!

Probably not enormously, no, but then doesn’t that apply to pretty much everything on AIBU? It would take you a long time to post your message on every thread; I wouldn’t bother if I were you.

OP I think how much this would bother me would depend a lot on the backstory in terms of what MIL is normally like. You say she’s nice so I would try to ignore, but I do understand it can be irritating and feel like you are being treated as less important. Loads of comments over a period of time can really get to you. My ILs make these sort of comments, and in FIL’s case in particular it comes from a general boastfulness. I try to smile inwardly and remember it’s his issue, not mine.

Cannotmakeadecison · 14/09/2022 15:25

Goldencarp · 14/09/2022 13:38

It doesn’t bother me. I have three children. I’m blonde with blue eyes, DH has dark hair with brown eyes. All 3 are carbon copies of my DH. All have dark hair and dark and brown eyes. There isn’t anything of me in any of them, absolutely nothing 😂. No one has ever said they look like me. It’s just one of those things whereas everyone constantly says how much like their dad they are, one is an adult and the other two are teenagers, I thought they might have mannerisms or something like me but no 😂

This made me laugh. You are similar to my mum who is still smarting at the fact that all three of us are basically clones of our dad. I can tell she’s secretly hoping for an olive skinned, dark haired, dark eyed grandchild but alas, two down and both blonde with blue eyes 😂

roarfeckingroarr · 14/09/2022 15:52

Drives me mad too. DS is the image of me but noooo he looks just like his dad apparently. P brings home photos of him as a baby and I pretend to see a close resemblance to be kind.

Enko · 14/09/2022 16:00

One of only 2 disagreements I had with my now late mil was over her attributing every nice thing about dd1 to their family
When she claimed her blonde hair was "just like bil" ( whom I cant stand and she knew it) I lost it and pointed it was a fair bit more likely their Scandinavian mothers genes also were there.

Funnily dd1 at 24 looks so much like mil but. She has strong parts of my family too. It needs balancing

(Ps other argument also involved said bil 😃)

Isaidnoalready · 14/09/2022 16:07

He looks JUST LIKE MY SON mil told everyone she met he has blue eyes just like him! (I do too) what do you think directed at me...he looks like a baby 😳 honestly at that point he didn't look like EITHER of us

Sarahlou677 · 14/09/2022 16:16

I could have written this myself. When I disagree with her she will bring a photo of my partner at the age my son is now to prove me wrong. Looks nothing like him lol