I don’t feel like I’m a “proper” depressed person. I have always been very anxious, obsessive and fixate on things, but have rarely had very low moods where I struggle to function, get out of bed etc. My main symptoms are irritability, rage and a huge feeling of blah.
I started taking Sertraline 3 years ago when I was particularly bad, had a young baby, 3 year old DC and really needed to snap out of it. It was amazing and I felt better after only a few days. I wanted to stop taking it after only a few months, but Covid hit so I delayed it due to the unknown. I tapered very slowly over the course of a year and came off Sertraline altogether at the beginning of this year.
In the last few months I’m back to snappy, irritable, losing it with my kids. I can’t pretend I didn’t have this whilst I was on the medication, but it wasn’t every day, and I had overwhelming moments of happiness and gratitude. I haven’t had that since the spring.
On paper my life is fine. Two DC, 6 and 3. Both challenging but nothing compared with what some people deal with. Stable (if dull) jobs for DH and me, decent pay, both full time but fairly flexible hours, bit of childcare help from family. Not flush but no money worries and could afford a nice holiday this summer. Lucky to both be in good health. Nice house in a nice area.
I have asked the doctor to rewrite my prescription. I feel like a fraud because I rarely cry, I’ve never once had a day off sick due to mood, I just get on with my day. I don’t lose my temper with colleagues. I function, I just don’t enjoy it. And am so irritable. My relationships with everybody I live with are suffering but I just don’t feel able to be happy with what others must be content with?