To need anti depressants to enjoy life?

[Miseryhatescompany]

I don’t feel like I’m a “proper” depressed person. I have always been very anxious, obsessive and fixate on things, but have rarely had very low moods where I struggle to function, get out of bed etc. My main symptoms are irritability, rage and a huge feeling of blah.

I started taking Sertraline 3 years ago when I was particularly bad, had a young baby, 3 year old DC and really needed to snap out of it. It was amazing and I felt better after only a few days. I wanted to stop taking it after only a few months, but Covid hit so I delayed it due to the unknown. I tapered very slowly over the course of a year and came off Sertraline altogether at the beginning of this year.

In the last few months I’m back to snappy, irritable, losing it with my kids. I can’t pretend I didn’t have this whilst I was on the medication, but it wasn’t every day, and I had overwhelming moments of happiness and gratitude. I haven’t had that since the spring.

On paper my life is fine. Two DC, 6 and 3. Both challenging but nothing compared with what some people deal with. Stable (if dull) jobs for DH and me, decent pay, both full time but fairly flexible hours, bit of childcare help from family. Not flush but no money worries and could afford a nice holiday this summer. Lucky to both be in good health. Nice house in a nice area.

I have asked the doctor to rewrite my prescription. I feel like a fraud because I rarely cry, I’ve never once had a day off sick due to mood, I just get on with my day. I don’t lose my temper with colleagues. I function, I just don’t enjoy it. And am so irritable. My relationships with everybody I live with are suffering but I just don’t feel able to be happy with what others must be content with?

What you have described is me. I’m not terribly depressed, though I do have my low moments. I’m anxious, quick to anger, not enjoying my life or my kids. I have been doing an NHS online CBT course, but it’s not really having an effect. I wonder if I should consider medication.

You think antidepressants causing mania in bipolar patients = antidepressants not a placebo for depressed or anxious patients?

Obviously, a placebo is a medication with no active substance. If there is no active substance how does it trigger such drastic effects in certain type of patients? How are SSRIs the main contributing factor of patients developing serotonin syndrome? What about the ones who have died from it? Did they placebo die too?

This is an interesting thread. I wonder - is there a gender imbalance in the uptake of these ADs? I’ve just read Eleanor Cleghorn’s ‘unwell women’ - www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/646468/unwell-women-by-elinor-cleghorn/ and I really recommend it - including the history of the lead to market of anti depressant medication.

I went to the gp earlier this year about whether to start taking sertraline - I can be fine for days and then something happens - usually at work - and I sort of ‘slip through the floorboards’ and I have ‘no choice’ but to stay there in the dark ruminating over what an appalling person I am - self loathing such as you would never dream of directing to another person. In the past I have taken quite radical responses like leaving my job when this kind of thing has happened. I couldn’t afford to do that now.

I did some research this time and decided to pursue talking therapies for now.

it sounds pathetically superficial but I was worried about weight gain if I’m honest - as well as the idea that I might be losing ‘me’.

There has been terrible mental health in my own family - including parental suicide - so it is something I have thought a lot about - next time I crash and burn again I expect I will regret not having done something more concrete about it. It is a quandary.

He now knows that it's a chemical imbalance in my body, which needs to be treated every day, much the same as if I had diabetes

It really isn't comparable.

OP - you don't need to be permanently on anti depressants. You need to find that mental tool box that enables us to deal with life. We're all born with it but we can lose bits along the way.

@AbsentinSpring

Agree. Lots of serious pathology in my family in parents, grandparents (hospital admissions, serious depression etc). Upshot to this is I learnt from a very young age to nurture my MH and to live my life accordingly (hope that makes sense it’s hard to articulate). Spent my late teens really believing in the medical model and thought I had a lifetime of severe mental illness ahead of me. Frightening prospect.

Turns out I’m actually fine. I mean…. as fine as a human can be. The normal ups and downs but a very equipped toolbox and personal boundaries etc.

That's great to hear @Dalaidramailama

I voted YABU, as like PP have suggested, it's daft not to take medication to improve your health.

@AbsentinSpring

Thank you. I remember when I was around 18 years old Googling bipolar and schizophrenia and just feeling utterly terrified at the “statistics”. At that point in my life I had just presumed it was entirely a genetic brain disease and it certainly wasn’t looking good for me. I thought I had a lifetime of psychotic episodes etc and manic depression ahead of me. Imagine feeling that was your future?

As a “normal” 18 year old at that point it certainly influenced my career choice and I gained a degree in health and social care whilst working within MH services. I had the privilege of working with a lot of different professionals with a lot of different opinions (as always as MH is very contested and no one’s an expert or has the answers). Best thing I did was to get seriously educated on the matter and I’m in my mid 30s now with kids etc.

I have to be careful with full time work and I know within mtself when it’s time to step back and really engage in self care etc. I’ve managed to pick healthy relationships for myself and I learnt about my families trauma and inter generational trauma and I decided that wouldn’t be my life.

I wish everyone on this thread well but it does make me feel a little bad sad when people say they absolutely need medication to get by in life. Each to their own of course and they can be a useful addition but I really don’t think the broken leg rhetoric did anyone any favours.

Sertraline is a wonder drug for me. I take 100mg each day, I'm happy and calm and in control at work and at home; this is not the case when I stop taking them. I have no side effects.

Do you have any drawbacks to taking the drug OP? If not, don't feel pressured.

@Rockadile

I felt like I was swimming in treacle! I had stopped being me, I am always doing daft things and that all stopped. I just wanted to be at home with my immediate family.

I so very nearly handed in my notice at work but read a thread on here about menopause etc and thought, that's me. I had patches but I still was struggling so booked with the doctor and she suggested Sertraline, literally life changing.

PurplePositivity

what dosage you on may I ask ?

I have already posted on this but feel the need to repost, given those who have advised those not to take meds. I tried everything, eating really well, exercising, doing things I used to enjoy, cbt. Nothing lifted the clouds and it only got worse. I wasn’t crying every day and didn’t feel depressed but the anger, irritability was completely unmanageable and I didn’t want to feel that way. The difference was night and day. No regrets. Who care what research apparently says. If I feel better that’s all that matters

@MiniPumpkin

I don’t think anyone has advised to stop meds or taken a completely anti meds stance.

Also CBT isn’t for everyone and can be pretty mediocre. Unfortunately people compare CBT to other types of talking therapy/psychotherapy and that’s a shame. Good talking therapy is worth so much more than a mediocre NHS CBT course usually delivered to the masses by IAPT.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

50mg

I could have written a very similar post. I stayed taking a low dose of ADs last year after feeling very low, anxious, and irritable for a few months. They worked brilliantly but If I forget to take them for a couple of days the irritability is back.

I almost never shout or snap when I am taking my ADs consistently but without them my patience can be so thin.

It seems slightly ridiculous to be taking medication just to make me less snappy. But on the other hand it seems ridiculous not to take them if it makes my life and the lives of the people around me rather more pleasant.

@Dalaidramailama

What therapy would you say is any good? I've had EFA and CBT under NHS and straight talking therapy under NHS and private and none of it has ever made a blind bit of difference to me. I'm relying soley on meds which take away the dangerous bit of my illness but not the day to day like snappiness and anxiety around leaving the house. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist today so any suggestions would be much appreciated!!

@Sunnyqueen

Ask your psych for a private recommendation. Sometimes it takes a few attempts at private therapy to find someone who you feel comfortable with and who is very good. Obviously keep taking your meds in the mean time.

Good shout I shall do that thank you 👍

Sertraline has been helping me through the undoubtedly most hardest time of my life. I have had to deal with my DH's sudden quadraplegia, looking after 2 kids on my own for the last 17 months as well as dealing with everything else life throws our way. I could not have done it without some sort of help.

Life is hard and sometimes we all need that help. I talk openly about it and speak to the Samaritans if and when I need to.

You do what is right for you and don't worry about the fact that you might need some medication. It was invented to help xxx

Thanks everyone who replied. I started taking my 25mg Sertraline last Thursday (and promptly had a sickness bug the following days so not sure it had an effect then) but a few days in and I already feel less irritable (I think).

I hope everyone else is ok. It's frustrating that there have been some quite ignorant replies that might make others question themselves; everyone's entitled to their opinion, but if you have no experience of poor mental health, you really don't have a clue.

@Miseryhatescompany

I can’t see any ignorant replies. Mental health is a contested topic and it’s a bit arrogant to suggest anyone with a different opinion to hours as simply not having a clue.

I hope everyone else is ok. It's frustrating that there have been some quite ignorant replies that might make others question themselves; everyone's entitled to their opinion, but if you have no experience of poor mental health, you really don't have a clue

Hang on a second. You posted in AIBU and posed a question which people have taken the time to engage with.

Don't accuse people of being "ignorant" because they didn't give the answer you wanted. Far from being "ignorant" people have referenced recently published research as well as generously sharing their own experiences.

From your posts, it seems as though you suffer from an inability to regulate your emotions and behaviour. If ADS help you with this then it's probably best you carry on taking them but don't accuse others of not having a clue about MH.

Several of the responses suggesting meditation and exercise were from people who admitted they had no history of mental illness. To give an opinion on something without any experience equals ignorance, IMO.

Inability to regulate emotions is (a) symptom of depression and anxiety.

@Miseryhatescompany

There are many tools that can be used in mental health recovery of which I shared many. I was simply just giving you an example of how I have to nurture my own mental health with things like exercise, good sleep, meditation etc. I have already stated I have first and second degree relatives that have had severe depression that required hospital admissions. They have also suffered from psychosis etc, so I’ve had a lot of experience along the way in mental health services.

There are many things I have to do in life to maintain good mental health and I only listed a few of them. I was simply giving an alternative point of view that not everyone has to rely on ADS to get by in life and this is in despite of significant family pathology and many other barriers etc.

A lot of people find that sort of approach a lot more empowering in terms of recovery so it’s each to their own. It is definitely rude to suggest someone else doesn’t have a clue about these sorts of things. There is no one approach to mental health.