To need anti depressants to enjoy life?

[Miseryhatescompany]

I don’t feel like I’m a “proper” depressed person. I have always been very anxious, obsessive and fixate on things, but have rarely had very low moods where I struggle to function, get out of bed etc. My main symptoms are irritability, rage and a huge feeling of blah.

I started taking Sertraline 3 years ago when I was particularly bad, had a young baby, 3 year old DC and really needed to snap out of it. It was amazing and I felt better after only a few days. I wanted to stop taking it after only a few months, but Covid hit so I delayed it due to the unknown. I tapered very slowly over the course of a year and came off Sertraline altogether at the beginning of this year.

In the last few months I’m back to snappy, irritable, losing it with my kids. I can’t pretend I didn’t have this whilst I was on the medication, but it wasn’t every day, and I had overwhelming moments of happiness and gratitude. I haven’t had that since the spring.

On paper my life is fine. Two DC, 6 and 3. Both challenging but nothing compared with what some people deal with. Stable (if dull) jobs for DH and me, decent pay, both full time but fairly flexible hours, bit of childcare help from family. Not flush but no money worries and could afford a nice holiday this summer. Lucky to both be in good health. Nice house in a nice area.

I have asked the doctor to rewrite my prescription. I feel like a fraud because I rarely cry, I’ve never once had a day off sick due to mood, I just get on with my day. I don’t lose my temper with colleagues. I function, I just don’t enjoy it. And am so irritable. My relationships with everybody I live with are suffering but I just don’t feel able to be happy with what others must be content with?

Your experience sounds incredibly similar to mine. I tried to come off sertraline because I thought I should, and felt exactly likee you describe (possibly ADHD, not sure but I've always been very anxious). Have since gone back on them, the difference is like night and day!

I feel like it is in my (small) circles at least @BetsyBigNose. No one talks openly about being on them except one colleague, thank goodness for them.

@perenniallymessy we sound very similar. My DC has been referred for assessment and a lot of the questionnaire could’ve been about myself.

I've been on sertraline since the end of 2012 I can't manage without it. I've tried and end up almost right back where I started. I gave up feeling guilty or disappointed along time ago.

I never took anti depressants until February this year. They have helped me so much. I will stay on them forever if needed.

Yes, it was my DS being diagnosed that made me make the connection. But I think I would struggle to get a diagnosis and not sure I've got the fight in me tbh.

But I've always been incredibly anxious and my mind is constantly babbling away on me. I had terrible depression in my teens (I always struggled to fit in and went off the rails a bit) but these days I'm ok but not ok.

I did used to wonder if I was bipolar as I can switch from low to high and back again in an instant.

But getting a gp appointment at the moment is so bloody hard- last time I tried it was six weeks away then they cancelled it at the last minute and the suggested date was another six weeks. So I gave up. We've got a private online GP subscription so I wonder if I can go through that.

Im so glad you posted this. My situation is almost identical. Post natal anxiety and rage with my second and started taking sertraline when he was 12 months. I felt better within days. So much more able to cope with day to day life without being snappy and irritable. Sleeping better, sex drive started to come back, more motivated and hopeful. I have been beating my self up thinking I need to come off the meds and feeling like a failure that I cant manage life without meds. This thread has made me shed the shame. Thank you

I took sertraline for about 4 years and then decided I no longer needed them - tapered off over the course of about 5 months. Felt fine for a further 2/3 months. And then felt very far from fine.
I'm now taking mirtazapine. Sorted out my sleep almost instantly and I now realise, that like other posters have said, I just need that extra support. Nothing to be ashamed of, but I definitely need it!

It's such a relief for me that I'm not the only one feeling how I do, but also it's saddens me that other people feel this way.
I just feel so angry, snappy, bone tired, brain tired, short tempered and low.

Just reading that back feels terrible but I've always been so determined to 'fix myself' without meds, but I think I need to have an honest conversation with my doctor.
The saddest part is.....weighing up if I can afford the prescription in the current climate 😞

Yes, those taking them please don't feel ashamed and keep taking them if they are working.

It really was only the last couple of weeks that I had the revelation that I really was so much better on them.

To be fair I managed to get a GP phone appointment this afternoon, same day. Very pleased, there will be a prescription for me tomorrow so hopefully I can start taking them again Thursday morning (I always stick to first thing in the morning last time and it didn’t seem to affect my sleep).

@perenniallymessy no I absolutely won’t be seeking a diagnosis. My DH has tried for a referral for himself and was refused by the mental health team on the grounds that he functions well in life, married with kids, works etc.

I’m so glad I posted this as it’s comforting, if sad, to hear so many others feeling the same, and I’m glad it’s helped others too. I wonder how many men also feel this way…

Hi, couldn’t read and run as I too have questioned my use of sertraline, because I’m not unhappy or crying. I like my life. But what I was was severely agitated at the slightest thing, could not cope with any stress, everything was such an effort. Sertraline got me through it. Completely calmed me and nothing is too much hassle now . If you broke a leg you’d get it sorted, we shouldn’t view mh differently. Why suffer? I view it as a chemical imbalance

@MiniPumpkin youre right, it must be a chemical imbalance, and tbh I’ve always been that way inclined (always “difficult” rather than depressed) so it’s not like it’s come from nowhere.

I started on fluoxetine last year and I will stop when the doc prises them from my cold dead hand!

I wasn't depressed as such but I was as you describe difficult, quick to rage, struggling in my own irritability.

I like being calmer but a negative effect is that I'm possibly not as productive at home but I'm sure my family are happier.

We all do what we can to get by.

@MiniPumpkin that's interesting , I always feel like that but haven't sought out any help or medication as I keeping thinking I'm not particularly sad, I'm just very angry and irritable and like you say everything feels like such an effort .

If they feel like they help you then there’s no shame and you should just continue to take them.

I would never take them though. I would only ever take them if I was actively suicidal or something severely traumatic happened to me. Everyone I know who’s took them has never really been able to taper off them.

If I am feeling down I exercise more, change my life circumstances/job/meditate more/talking therapy etc etc until I am feeling like myself again. It doesn’t take long.

I don’t believe depression has anything to do with neurotransmitters, and I do not believe depression is equal to a physical health problem. There was a lot of damage done with the mental illness is like a broken leg campaign. It’s nothing of the sort.

My mum and sister are mental health nurses and have the same opinion. Infact it’s not that unusual for people working in MH services to avoid medication and see it as a complete last resort.

Good luck to you all. The above post was not meant to denigrate anyones medication choices it was just simply another opinion that is often kept quiet these days. Although more and more people are coming out and saying the same.

I think how you feel is common, but I also think it is indicative of the way we often invalidate or downplay our own feelings and it really isn't in your best interests to leave that feeling unchallenged. I remember someone described their DP as someone who "wouldn't bother their doctor unless their arm was hanging off" and that made me realise I don't want to be like that, and I don't want anyone else to feel like that either.

I was similar to you, I felt somewhat depressed and I didn't go the doctors, and then I got worse and I didn't get out of bed unless I HAD to and I thought "well I'm still able to do what I need to do, it could be worse", and then I progressively got worse... and the thing is nobody benefitted from my lack of care for myself. Lots of people suffered though.

If sertraline helps you, and it works to balance the chemicals in the brain for whatever reason then you deserve that help. We all deserve more out of life than being able to get out of bed. It's hard being human and when you have struggles in your mental health it can be even tougher. Take any help you can get and grab hold of it tight, and always remember that you matter, you matter a lot and you deserve as much peace as you can find.

I've been taking a low dose of Sertraline for 10 years now. When I started them I realised I've probably always been anxious and depressed.

They have been life changing for me and seem to restore some kind of balance in my brain

@Dalaidramailama
It's attitudes like yours that make life so difficult for people with depression. Oh yes, we can all 'pull ourselves together'.
Mental illness IS an illness, it's a very real illness. Imbalance of chemicals in the body, whatever past of the body they affect, is an illness. The brain needs the right chemical balance to function. No stigma attached to taking supplements.

The things mentioned above are all really good interventions. I had talking therapy with a wonderful counsellor for nine years; it was great for me. Helped me immeasurably, and I don't think I would have found a happy healthy relationship and stable life without it. I also changed my job and life circumstances quite radically to minimize stress and prioritize spending time with family and being creative. Same with exercise and meditation - great habits to get into and they have really helped me too.

But... the sertraline makes such a massive difference for me. It just does. I've been on it and then off it for long enough periods to know how much it helps, profoundly, to calm my brain and give me the space and balance to make good decisions and be the best version of myself. My partner (who is loving and supportive whether I choose to stay on it or not!) has been amazed at the difference it makes to my general mood and how I'm much more able to cope with the setbacks of life. I've encountered views from people who prefer to stick with 'natural ways of coping' or who don't want to get 'parked on tablets'. Fine - we all make our own choices. But I think a lot of us who make this choice do so because we know for sure it helps us find our way through life a little more easily than might otherwise be the case

Each ti their own
And if it helps it helps.
Not some thing I would do.
In years gone by people were given Valium- not now as its totally addictive.
But I have know people take AD.
didn't seem to make them any happier.
Just reduced their immune system- caught more colds.
But worse just masked their emotions - they didn't feel things - felt a zombie.
So how could they solve the underlying problem?
You can't heal what you don't feel.
Often we have situations that make us feel 'depressed' that we need to change.
Marriage / job / our own attitude.
Maybe we just need to speak up
Or even be a bit kinder to ourselves.
Pills should be a last resort and for short periods.

@Dalaidramailama has clearly never been genuinely depressed, which is great. I always try all of those things first, (excluding mediation, not for me, and I no longer bother with therapy after having it years ago and it wasn’t helpful) but exercise, self care, sleep, diet etc. It hasn’t worked for me, unfortunately. Which is why I definitely agree as I’m reading these posts that it must be a chemical imbalance. Especially as I suspect I might have ADHD. I definitely seek dopamine through things like food, exercise etc.

@Miseryhatescompany

I haven’t been clinically depressed ever no you’re right. I do have a strong family history of severe pathology though, usually involving psychosis too. All involving trauma though at the root and nothing organic in the brain. Voices and hallucinations all but gone in my family members with intensive psychotherapy, although it goes without saying anti psychotics in an acute crisis during a hospital admission had their place.

I am not doubting depression and everyone does what they see fit. I just disagreed with the comparison to physical illnesses. There’s no proof of chemical imbalances at all, It’s just a theory. Many people working in services agree with me, that’s not the equivalent of telling people to pull themselves together. During the height of lockdown our department in my local mind was actually very quiet, as a lot of people felt like they were coping with life a whole lot better without the demands of life etc. We live in a very oppressive society which is not at all conductive to good MH.

OP I have symptoms like yours. Some days are a lot worse.
I've thought about going to the Drs but I'm worried about side effects of meds especially weight gain.

I'm exactly the same. Started sertraline after pregnancies and it just makes me a better person. Tapered off 8 months ago and lasted 6 months and have gone back on. Without sertraline - I'm snappy, ill tempered, no patience, cry over lots of things which is horrendous at work and have little resilience. I have come to realise that lots of it is link to my periods and this is how its always been. I do wonder if I'd been on sertraline earlier if teen years would have been much easier

I'm not especially knowledgeable about this area but one rule I love by is that I don't owe it to anyone to be miserable. If this is what works for you then I'd go for it.