To just cry myself to sleep tonight, after ASD DS's first day at school and police visit ;(

[Thedayfromhell]

I just had the worst day, and really need an outlet for all the emotions I'm feeling tbh. This will be long.

It was my DS's first day at reception (mainstream). He has been privately diagnosed with ASD at the beginning of this year, but we knew for a long time prior to the diagnosis. We were very open and honest with his new school about his needs and challenges, and actively approached them with all the information & reports from the paediatrician, ed psych, nursery, SALT etc.

We came to a mutual agreement that he needs to ease into it gently, so he only went in for 2h today, as it was his first day. Well according to my DP (son's dad), all hell broke loose when he went in to collect him. The SENCO was already waiting for him, and had a very unpleasant chat with him about our son's out of control behaviour (think throwing things out the window, constantly running around, hiding in a cupboard etc.) she openly admitted to shouting at him, and generally losing her composure. It felt very brutal from what DP said, and he was very sad about it too.

For context, I am well aware of how disruptive he can be, and it is a constant uphill struggle for us, every day. He is incredibly bright, excellent at maths, reading, incredible spelling, but his behaviour is so challenging that I cry every day and regret becoming a mother. We are in the process of getting an EHCP in place, and eventually a specialist school placement.

Just as I came back from work today, and we sat down to chat about this, his phone rang. It was the police, who said they received a call from that number from a distressed sounding child. What actually happened was that he managed to get hold of his father's phone and dial 999, then got caught and screamed in excitement. He's dialled it before, but we always stopped him in time. My DP calmly explained the situation, and apologised profusely. They said that because he screamed on the phone, they had a duty to attend. Which is fair enough and reassuring, but god almighty it was the last thing I needed today. They were really lovely about it, and one of the officers actually talked to us about his own autistic son, he understood our struggles. But the whole thing was just so soul-destroying. I know it's just standard protocol, but having them look in my fridge to check if we had food for him, asking to take a picture of his birth certificate, offering to put us in touch with SS... Oh and of course the school will be contacted as well :(

I feel completely crushed today. My little boy fell asleep in my arms tonight, so calm and beautiful, like nothing ever happened. But I can't stop crying. The future terrifies me.

Yadnbu to cry. Cry as much as you need.
When you are ready, pick yourself up and get your DS the help he needs.

For the senco herself to be shouting at your DS tells me they’re not the right school for him, at all.
Where did he attend nursery? Did he have an IEP?

Can school help with the EHCP so you can get it sooner? He was probably overwhelmed, poor kid. Does he have any aid at all? Ear defenders?
Has he had a stating school social story to help?

Hope things are going OK, OP. I know exactly what it's like, our mainstream bybtgecendxwere phoning me every day and ended up putting him on a reduced timetable etc. The HT moaned about how upset her staff were, poor TAs, etc. Meanwhile, my DS was feeling more and more out of control and anxious there, hence the manic hyper behaviour. It makes me so angry now how guilty I was made to feel about adult women getting upset about the actions of a 4 year old child with a differently functioning brain who was out-of control with anxiety.
When we won a special school place, he slowly returned to being the boy who we knew before we sent him to mainstream: happy, high self esteem, still autistic but liking himself.And yes he has boundaries and rules are there to keep us all safe, but his school now are amazing with him. Keep pushing OP, and ignore mainstream HTs who have very little grasp of or interest in sen outside the 6k funding and inclusive school ofsted box ticking...

That should read mainstream primary school!