Husband keeps calling me stupid and telling me to Fuck off

[FEF]

Husband comes home late from work, while I'm putting 2.5 year old DS to bed.

I am in the room with him, he's just falling asleep. Husband knows I hate it when he comes in at this point because DS will get excited and then I have to deal with the fall out of trying to get him back to sleep again .

Husband comes in and wants to give him a cuddle, which he does. But I tell husband not to do that please next time when he knows it takes me ages to settle DS.

On the evenings he is late home, he should just leave me to get DS to sleep. Husband tells me to shut up storms out, calls me and Idiot, stupid and a twat and tells me to fuck off.

I say nothing. Once DS falls asleep I come downstairs and tell husband I won't be spoken to like that. Husband tells me to fuck off again. He keeps calling me stupid and it's really staring to get to me. I'm trying really hard NOT to swear at him. He told me to leave him alone. I'm happy to.

Is it that unreasonable of me to have asked him not to come in ?

He should not be speaking to you that way which is a major red flag. I would not have someone in the house who even considered that appropriate language. But next time he comes in when you trying to settle your son, you hand him over and leave him to finish the settling.

Yabu not to have handed doing bedtime to dh. He is being unreasonable to swear but really not 'allowing' him to see his own dc is bad... Bedtime routine to pot or not.

Of course he shouldn’t speak to you like that. That’s awful and abusive.

But if he was a nicer man, next time he got the toddler worked up at bedtime I’d say “oh you’re doing bedtime; okay” and leave him to it!

No he shouldn’t speak to you like that, but if someone told me when I could see and cuddle my child I’d probably tell them to fuck off too.

He’s messing up ‘your’ routine and that’s what you’re pissed off about.

Well he should get home earlier then.

OP why are you trying not to swear back at him? Tell the abusive prick to get to fuck

He sounds like a bully.

He’s an abusive twunt. Especially as he’s behaving that way in front of your child.

The first time any man told me to fuck off would be the last. Why are you still living with this vile man, who clearly does not even respect you, let alone love you?

He won't do the bed time as he needs to eat. Just wanted a cuddle.

Usually I fight back by talking to him in equal ways. But I really don't want to do that anymore. It's beneath me and my DS will pick that up. So recently I've really held my tongue.

The next time he does it, let him settle DS and leave the room. If my DH ever told me to fuck off or called me a twat his clothes would be in black bags on the doorstep. There would be no second chance.

He is an absolute bastard. Waking his son up and disrupting his routine, just because he fancies it. Not following through and putting him to bed, because he 'has to eat, at that exact time' when he could realistically wait 20 min. And then swearing at you because you're annoyed that he has made your evening 5x harder.

Honestly just leave, this isnt a habit, or a minor issue to be fixed...you can't fix a nasty person

There’s no way I’d accept being spoken to like that. Don’t stoop to his level. Have one conversation with him warning him that a repeat will be the end of the relationship. It is abusive and you deserve better and your DS deserves a better role model

There's absolutely no way I'd tolerate being spoken to like that. And in front of your DS. What is that teaching him? That it's ok to disrespect you in that way.

And yes he's being a totally selfish twat doing that.

🚩

He’d be shown the door if he tried that with me.

Such a one sided OP.

‘Abusive’. Hardly. Why does the OP get to dictate how a father gets to spend time with his child.

The inverted sexism is ridiculous sometimes.

Because everything to do with the Children is on me. He's not going to get the Child to sleep. It's on me. Child has Routine and was tired, I am tired as well. If it was reversed, I would not go in and disturb the Situation. DS is taking ages to fall asleep at the moment. It's very difficult.

It’s not normal for him to swear at you BUT maybe there is a compromise to be had here.

he misses his child after a long day at work and wants to spend time together. Maybe there should be an agreement that if he comes in and wakes your child up, you get to leave the room and do your own thing, and your partner has to settle your child and get them to go back to sleep. He gets his 1-1 time and you don’t have to deal with tantrums or swearing

Your follow up post suggests you’ve talked to him in a similar manner, so it’s clearly a toxic environment. For your son’s sake deal with this, or separate. It’s not normal.

If your DH comes home late, he has to expect that he can't disrupt the night time routine, unless he's prepared to take over. How is your DC going to learn to settle? He has to think of your child's need first, not his own. Selfish man. I'd seriously start getting my ducks in a row if this continues.
How is the rest of your relationship? Can't imagine this is the only issue.

Nice drip feed

Yeah it doesn’t sound like this is the first time he’s sworn at you. I don’t live in a fantasy world, my partner and I swear all the time but we don’t swear at each other like this. Relationships don’t have to involve screaming matches and put downs over minor shit. Seems like a toxic environment

I that situation, I would tell
him to also f* off. I wouldn’t be spoken to like that. Awful.

Strange replies.

It sounds awful and really unfair of him to wreck bedtime and then to swear at you.

I'd seriously be looking to divorce

This. He is totally and utterly abusive.

see a solicitor asap