Husband keeps calling me stupid and telling me to Fuck off

[FEF]

Husband comes home late from work, while I'm putting 2.5 year old DS to bed.

I am in the room with him, he's just falling asleep. Husband knows I hate it when he comes in at this point because DS will get excited and then I have to deal with the fall out of trying to get him back to sleep again .

Husband comes in and wants to give him a cuddle, which he does. But I tell husband not to do that please next time when he knows it takes me ages to settle DS.

On the evenings he is late home, he should just leave me to get DS to sleep. Husband tells me to shut up storms out, calls me and Idiot, stupid and a twat and tells me to fuck off.

I say nothing. Once DS falls asleep I come downstairs and tell husband I won't be spoken to like that. Husband tells me to fuck off again. He keeps calling me stupid and it's really staring to get to me. I'm trying really hard NOT to swear at him. He told me to leave him alone. I'm happy to.

Is it that unreasonable of me to have asked him not to come in ?

Yabu not to have handed doing bedtime to dh.

People really aren't listening to OP are they. She would be happy for him to come and see his child if he will then do bedtime. He won't. He wants to come on for a cuddle and then fuck off to eat food and leave it to Op.

So at what point is it reasonable for the father to see his own child? Only for half an hour on the morning, or just at weekends? Of course he's going to want to see his child when he gets in from work. What father wouldn't?

If the child is already asleep when he gets back, would it be reasonable for dad to wake up the child just to get a selfish cuddle? I just find this so weird. The child is going to bed, the world doesn't revolve around ANY parent getting a cuddle. If I came home after my child was in bed, I'd just leave them.

Yes, fathers have a right to see their child after work, but that is not a limitless right. Disrupting the bedtime routine is bad for the child. It takes away from their sleep for that day, creates an irregular sleep schedule, and builds in the child a mental habit that "bedtime" may be quickly followed by "playtime," thus dissociating bedtime from a shift into calmness and preparedness for sleep, and making bedtime a time when the child learns how to force themselves to stay awake just in case dad comes in to play. It is also selfish towards the caregiver who has been taking care of the child all day and needs to end her own workday. If the father feels that seeing his child every evening is a top priority, then he needs to either get a job with more regular hours, or take over the bedtime routine on the days he comes home late. Disrupting the child's bedtime and then refusing to take over bedtime care is essentially coercing the mother into parenting in a way dominated by the father's desires at the expense of her needs and the child's needs.

I bet he’d like to cuddle his son but when he does he should be putting him down to sleep, and certainly shouldn’t be talking to you like that,

I don't think it's inverted sexism on days I need to work late if I come home and hear DP putting DS down I stay downstairs because it's unfair on him for me to get him all excited to see me and then expect him to go to sleep. And the same is done vice versa that if DP arrives home at bedtime he says downstairs.

Also screaming and swearing in front of a child is absolutely not on. You can calmly and rationaly disagree with your partner without swearing and shouting at them.