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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my DH approach to laundry is really weird

111 replies

MyKidsDontGoToBed · 12/09/2022 20:16

Two DC (1 and 3) and me and DH. Lots of laundry.

My DH bought us separate washing baskets for the bedroom to keep our stuff separate as it's "easier".

He does his own washing every Sunday night. Doesn't do anything else (lots of towels, sheets, baby clothes covered in crap). I have asked him to do more and he agreed and then got obsessed over it....creating weird little systems but he only kept it up for a week. He is now back to only doing his own. He does other things round the house a bit.

Anyway I've accepted it. But we have a small utility room and he was in there tonight picking off his clothes while ignoring mine. Like literally going around my dry clothes to get to his.

I said "it's all going to the same bedroom can't you just take it all"

And now he's accused me "of banging on about the laundry again" and he doesn't know "where any of your shit goes anyway"

He now wants to buy two small chest of drawers and get rid of our big one to keep it all separate. Despite him also going on about cost of living stuff everyday

AIBU to not be able to let it all go? We all have our weird stuff. But I find it so annoying. He does cook dinner and help with kid stuff but it's almost less about the division of labour and more like I find it so baffling I can't not say anything.

OP posts:
Riverlee · 12/09/2022 20:22

That’s weird he only does his. Would he do other washing, even if he does it separate to yours, rather than putting it together. Even if he doesn’t know where the laundery goes, he could take it to the bedroom.

Regarding the drawers, do you have separate drawers, or all have T-shirts together? When we had one chest of drawers, dh had top two and I had bottom two. His sock drawer wasn’t the same as my sock drawer. If you have separate drawers, I don’t see the need for new furniture.

CactusBlossom · 12/09/2022 20:23

Did he at any time put something of yours in the wrong wash programme and it came out spoiled? If not, he's just being strange. Leave him to do his, you do yours and the children's. Have "his" and "hers" towels - he'll have to do his.

Twawmyarse · 12/09/2022 20:25

He's the weird one, not you! Does he have some kind of ocd surrounding it do you think? If you do his and the dc's laundry as well as yours why shouldn't he reciprocate?

CombatBarbie · 12/09/2022 20:27

How pathetic, so the woman's work is to do the kids/bedding/towel washes? 😳 I hope you've told him how petty and ridiculous his system is.

soundsystem · 12/09/2022 20:28

Yeah, weird! We sort ours at the point of putting it into the baskets (dirty) so darks, lights, white, towels/bedding/yucky stuff. Then anyone can shove a load on!

DH does leave our clean stuff in (neatly folded) piles as he doesn't know where it goes but to be fair I do the same with his!

Afterfire · 12/09/2022 20:29

He’s an idiot. If he’s trying to save money then all laundry needs to go in together, as much in one wash every time as you can. Completely ridiculous otherwise.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 12/09/2022 20:30

We have separate laundry for the two of us. It just didnt work having them together because my husband waits then does a few loads at once while I wait til we have a load.

The (loose) rule is though that the kids stuff gets dumped next to the washing machine and whoever is doing their washing, puts whatever kids stuff is appropriate into the same wash (eg darks or whites if they're doing a dark or white wash). They also have a separate pink wash which gets put on by whoever. We both take our turns though and if one of us put a wash on the other will often put it away. Why does he think he can only do a quarter of the work and you do three quarters (assuming your children arent old enough)

santorinii · 12/09/2022 20:30

It’s weird if he does a load and doesn’t wash household stuff too. Why does he expect you to wash the baby’s things? Is it not his child too?

Purplehonesty2 · 12/09/2022 20:31

I once had a boyfriend who had about seven different laundry baskets under his bed

Whites
Pale blues
Orange and red
Darks
Jeans
Woolly jumpers
Towels
Bedding

I shit you not. He totally flipped when I put all the dark stuff in together - I ended it about a week later cos the panic and flapping was too much to deal with.

Btw your husband is being an arse. Put all the washing on and stop being so anal.

santorinii · 12/09/2022 20:31

He can get another set of drawers but it doesn’t stop him being responsible for his share of household tasks

luxxlisbon · 12/09/2022 20:32

It’s not weird, it’s just rude. He’s being a dick, you have two children and apparently it’s only your job to do their laundry?

Hont1986 · 12/09/2022 20:33

I don't think he's wrong for wanting to do or store his own laundry separately. Personally I also have a routine for my laundry and I want to be able to do it on my own terms. But I do think it's unfair for him not to do any washes for the kids or towels/sheets.

NoParticularPattern · 12/09/2022 20:35

I mean there’s only me who does any laundry in this house so I only have me to go by, but do most people not do loads that are only separated by colour? I wouldn’t dream of doing a dark wash of DHs stuff and not stick the other few bits of dark belonging to me and the kids in with it. Like is only doing your own personally created washing a thing? Does he not consider that the children are 50% his by nature so he should really be doing half theirs too? Which half? Sounds bonkers. Just do colours and put everyone’s in together, put it all away together too. Only time I only get my stuff off the line/airer is if I need it RIGHT THEN or I’ll be leaving the house naked. I wouldn’t ever just put some of what’s there away just because it only belonged to one person.

caz198917 · 12/09/2022 20:36

Your husbands do their own washing? Can we swap 🤣

Caspianberg · 12/09/2022 20:38

Bonkers. It must take one person ages to get a full load of whites or woolen.

white , dark and woolen basket here. Whoever sees one basket getting full ish empties it into laundry basket, then goes to toddler bedroom and sees if he has any of that category, checks bathroom ie white towels to make up white load, and box next to washing machine that has napkins/ face clothes/ tea towels in and adds what’s needed.

The same person doesn’t necessarily even put on and then hang up, and then fold away later. Usually a mixture

Dotcheck · 12/09/2022 20:40

Have you asked him point blank who he feels is responsible for children’s laundry?

Bumblenums · 12/09/2022 20:40

Mine is a bit like this ( not that bad thou) - he will put a half load on of just his stuff🙄why not just put the rest of it on??????

Pava22 · 12/09/2022 20:42

Can't help op but I am crappie at washing I just do darks and whites and if its coloured I just stick it in with the darks. But to be fair there us 6 of us in the house and I can't be are with all the separating and blah blah so yes things get mixed up but as long as whites are seperate I don't care any more as long as it gets washed.

Hugasauras · 12/09/2022 20:42

Weird. We just have laundry and both of us will put washes on, put clothes away. We have a big basket everything goes in and I'm afraid I do the cardinal sin of not separating anything. It all just gets bunged in at 40 🤷‍♀️ I'd find it weirdly passive aggressive if DH started picking out my laundry and leaving it!

Singlebutmarried · 12/09/2022 20:45

I do all the washing but I refuse to put anyones but mine away.

We each have a separate basket for clean, but it all goes into one dirty.

DH is now wfh all the time and gradually realising that washing needs to be done daily and that he doesn’t catch fire if he touches the washing machine. Only taken 20 years 😂

EntertainingandFactual · 12/09/2022 20:47

Has he got any other strange little ways?
He sounds selfish and obsessive.

HeddaGarbled · 12/09/2022 20:52

It’s offensive. He’s separating himself from the family.

MerryMarigold · 12/09/2022 20:53

It's a bit odd and I assume he doesn't have enough for each wash weekly. I mean does he have a full load of whites, darks and lights all to himself? I do keep dh and my clothes separate to the kids due to using non bio on them (eczema). The 3 kids do a wash each (whites, darks, colors) of their stuff. I do all the folding (I'm fussy about it being done really well) but they take it up and put it away.

I think it's odd and un economical that he's only doing his own washing. I would ask him to do say all the adult dark washing every week including hanging out and folding - and all the family towels. It's less 'bitty' then and clear. Maybe he's just annoyed he can't do it right, but I'd assume he could manage that to your satisfaction.

museumum · 12/09/2022 20:55

My husband and I do our washing separately. Always have. It’s so much easier to keep track when we have separate washing baskets and we both fill a load each week.
He usually does ds’s and I more often do the towels/sheet wash but we do both pitch in.
after a holiday or trip we’ll chuck it all in together but mostly separate is easier.

HorribleHerstory · 12/09/2022 20:56

Yes, weird.

we don’t separate by person.

actually we don’t separate by anything - white, dark, cotton, wool, it all just goes in together. Nothing bad has happened yet