To think my DH approach to laundry is really weird

[MyKidsDontGoToBed]

Two DC (1 and 3) and me and DH. Lots of laundry.

My DH bought us separate washing baskets for the bedroom to keep our stuff separate as it's "easier".

He does his own washing every Sunday night. Doesn't do anything else (lots of towels, sheets, baby clothes covered in crap). I have asked him to do more and he agreed and then got obsessed over it....creating weird little systems but he only kept it up for a week. He is now back to only doing his own. He does other things round the house a bit.

Anyway I've accepted it. But we have a small utility room and he was in there tonight picking off his clothes while ignoring mine. Like literally going around my dry clothes to get to his.

I said "it's all going to the same bedroom can't you just take it all"

And now he's accused me "of banging on about the laundry again" and he doesn't know "where any of your shit goes anyway"

He now wants to buy two small chest of drawers and get rid of our big one to keep it all separate. Despite him also going on about cost of living stuff everyday

AIBU to not be able to let it all go? We all have our weird stuff. But I find it so annoying. He does cook dinner and help with kid stuff but it's almost less about the division of labour and more like I find it so baffling I can't not say anything.

@Purplehonesty2 This is how my Mum does the washing and when I lived it home it used to drive me nuts. She was such a control freak no one else was allowed to do the wash, but she separated everything so obsessively it could take 2 weeks for something like a pair of jeans to make it out of the washing basket. Absolutely bonkers.

I think it's fine for him to do his own, but he also has to pitch in with the communal laundry (in this case kids/bedding/towel washes). If he struggles with the kids' stuff, I suggest he takes over doing all the bedding/towel washes.

Not many machines adjust for the load - older ones don’t! So if a cycle takes 60 mins then you have two cycles of 60 mins instead of one?

Why do you need to adjust for the load? Why are you doing two loads?

We wash our own clothes and wait until we have a full load before doing it.

It's the same amount of clothes being washed the same amount of times! No adjustment needed and no additional loads. Simple

Leave the laundry as it is. Other jobs like hovering and mopping let him do them!

So if you're saying your jobs are equally split 50/50 and he sticks to it, I'd guess that him not doing anything of 'yours' is him making a point that he doesn't feel you pull your weight around the house and that he's not going to picking up any slack.

Definitely OCDS. X

My goodness, how is it you don’t get this, you certainly aren’t a rocket scientist. 😀. There are no extra loads, there is no washing machine adjustment required. We both do full loads. It obviously takes longer for us both to accumulate a full load separately than it would if we combined. But we wait and when we have a full load we each do our own washing and as such it is exactly the same number of washing machine hours

Some of this could be the result of growing up without much and never actually learning how to be thrifty. These people are often penny wise and pound foolish. but some of it also sounds like weaponized or malicious incompetence. It is not that hard to tell the difference between 1 year and 3 year clothes. and his saying he can't figure out your stuff from his is extremely odd. And him being this way about other things, well, if it is not from some anxiety, ADHD or something similar, my guess is that he is feeling the pressure of family life and is slowly pulling away from all of you. Especially if this is newer behavior. He needs to get some counseling or see someone to talk to about this. not his friends either. I think things like the beer are okay to allow him some space, but things like only doing his own clothes or acting like he can't look at a label to see the size or washing instructions is way too much.

I don’t really own whites. I just don’t buy them as a rule as I hate light colours on me. But I use a colour catcher if needed for the odd light thing.

But I don’t have a huge amount of clothes, enough for maybe 10 days? More
in winter, less for summer. I do a load when there is enough which is roughly every 5-7 days. But I have riding clothes as well as ordinary so that bulks it up. In a winter week I would probably wash for me:

14 pants
3 bras
7 socks (winter)
2 jeans
5 T-shirts
1-2 jumpers/cardigans
2 pyjamas
2 dresses
2 tights
2-3 riding tops
1-2 riding jumpers
1-2 breeches
3 riding socks

DH will wear 3 jeans, 10 Tshirts, 2 jumpers, 2 pyjamas, a zillion boxers in a week unless he is doing something special or lots of dirty jobs. His clothes are huge though compared to mine, so you can get less in a load.

DD is 3 and at nursery, she creates a full
load twice a week usually as she can do 3-4 outfits a day easily.

I don’t really wear whites either.

I can wash my clothes separated into lights and darks.

the rare white item, I might ask to run with Dh’s whites.

if you have to jumble the clothing, I would have to label the kids clothing. It would drive me crazy to have to check each piece.

Weird one. Tell him to carry on doing his own laundry plus one child's laundry. He's responsible for storing, washing, drying, ironing, putting away. That's fair.