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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Had to cancel & trying to reschedule Mum’s funeral

150 replies

RubyRhubarb · 12/09/2022 12:59

I’ve had to cancel my mums funeral as it was on the 19th. Now completely in limbo about the new date. The funeral directors (who would have done the funeral on the 19th but the crematorium & wake venue are closing) have been very helpful but many slots for both are booked. I’m waiting to see if we can still get the crematoria, wake venue & vicar of choice (my mum was a regular church goer) in a fairly reasonable timescale, if not, then it’s back to the drawing board.

I’m devastated & angry. I’m so sad that my lovely mum has to wait even longer to be laid at rest.

I’d organised everything by early last week. Then I spent the weekend cancelling everything. Now I’ve got to recontact everyone again once we know the new date. It’s emotionally exhausting.

I thought by now this would gave all been done & I would just be able to focus on my mourning.

I know I won’t be the only one in this position. However I’ve worked in emergency planning & operational scenario planning. Therefore I know that the powers in charge will have considered all the impacts of the unscheduled bank holiday & knew that funerals would be cancelled along with other important life events for people & that this would cause distress.

Some kind of acknowledgment of this in one of the many speeches would have been nice. That would make it feel so much better.

But I guess the little people don’t matter enough to given even that small consideration & yes, I am bitter about this.

OP posts:
MacaroniBaloney · 12/09/2022 13:00

I don't blame you, I'd feel the same. I hope you get something sorted.

Pippa12 · 12/09/2022 13:01

Planning a funeral is heart wrenching, to do it twice is cruel. I feel for you, that is so unfair.

NotSorry · 12/09/2022 13:02

So sorry for your loss

Runaway1 · 12/09/2022 13:02

Im so sorry for your loss. That is really hard. A big hug to you and, yes, there should be an acknowledgment of your distress, and all those in this position. I hope the next few days are gentler and you can get arrangements in place soon.

AuntieMarys · 12/09/2022 13:02

Very unfair

JackieCollinsExistentialQuestionTime · 12/09/2022 13:03

This is outrageous - I’m so sorry.

I can’t believe funeral directors of all people think that treating grieving families like this is a show of respect to anyone.

I’d be furious. I’m sorry, the Queen is no more deserving than your lovely mum and your grief is just as important. 💐

carefullycourageous · 12/09/2022 13:03

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, I agree it is very unfair Flowers

RubyRhubarb · 12/09/2022 13:03

Also, mums funeral was arranged a week before the Queen died so it’s not as though we were taking a risk with the date.

OP posts:
PianoHouseBanger · 12/09/2022 13:03

YANBU. I'm sorry for you, and think it is shameful

Pattygonia · 12/09/2022 13:06

Flowers for you - I am sorry for your loss and the stress and upset the cancellation is causing

VioletTopaz · 12/09/2022 13:06

I’m so sorry @RubyRhubarb
Having recently organised a funeral I know how mentally exhausting it is.
So to have to cancel with no idea of when you can rearrange it must be very distressing. Thinking of you. 💔❤️

PanicAtTheBigTesco · 12/09/2022 13:07

It is outrageous that the crematorium are putting the life of a woman most people didn't personally know above the life of your mum and any others scheduled for next Monday.

Sorry you are having to go through this OP Flowers

MrsWhites · 12/09/2022 13:08

This is disgusting, how awful for you, I’m very sorry for your loss.

I actually agree that the vast majority of places, shops, pubs, restaurants etc should close on the day of the funeral so I would have expected it to impact the wake element of funerals but for actual crematoriums to close is a step too far.

littleducks · 12/09/2022 13:14

How distressing, I had thought it was the wrist for people rescheduling weddings I admit I hadn't considered funerals really.

Isuppose the crematorium may not be shutting as a decision made only as a mark of respect as they won't have staff and to attend due to school closing, public transport shifting to BH timetable etc or maybe just not even contacted you work a BH.

happinesslovescompany · 12/09/2022 13:14

JackieCollinsExistentialQuestionTime · 12/09/2022 13:03

This is outrageous - I’m so sorry.

I can’t believe funeral directors of all people think that treating grieving families like this is a show of respect to anyone.

I’d be furious. I’m sorry, the Queen is no more deserving than your lovely mum and your grief is just as important. 💐

It's the crematorium and wake venue closing, not the funeral directors @JackieCollinsExistentialQuestionTime

PinkiOcelot · 12/09/2022 13:17

I don’t blame you. I’d be furious if it were me. So unfair.

Yesthatismychildsigh · 12/09/2022 13:18

I feel the rage for you. That’s actually shocked me more than all the other forced misery and selfishness.

Doingprettywellthanks · 12/09/2022 13:19

The queen would be furious if she knew was upheaval her passing was causing her people

Doingprettywellthanks · 12/09/2022 13:20

I have an image of her and prince Phillip looking down and seeing what’s going on and being so cross and mortified

ChineAndWheeseParty · 12/09/2022 13:20

JackieCollinsExistentialQuestionTime · 12/09/2022 13:03

This is outrageous - I’m so sorry.

I can’t believe funeral directors of all people think that treating grieving families like this is a show of respect to anyone.

I’d be furious. I’m sorry, the Queen is no more deserving than your lovely mum and your grief is just as important. 💐

The OP says the funeral directors would have gone ahead, and they are being helpful

ChineAndWheeseParty · 12/09/2022 13:22

I'm so sorry for your loss OP and the distress. I cannot imagine how you feel.

I have a lot of respect for and liked the Queen, but stories like this should NOT be happening.

Badger1970 · 12/09/2022 13:22

I'm a small business owner, OP, and had to listen to excited chatter this morning about their extra day off next week........ and I'm sat in the office worrying about how on earth we're going to pay for it.

There was no reason whatsoever for it not to be on the Saturday and whilst sad for the loss of HM The Queen, feel that it's just a step too far on top of the extra day for the Jubilee this year and no doubt the coronation of the King.

I'm so sorry for your loss and the impact of this on you.

bloodywhitecat · 12/09/2022 13:24

I am so sorry you are in this position, I know how hard planning and organising a funeral is. I hope you are able to get everything you had planned very soon.

Countingdowntodecember · 12/09/2022 13:25

I’m so sorry for your loss and the extra stress you’re under Flowers.

bellabasset · 12/09/2022 13:26

I'm sorry for your loss, it's ironic that the Queen's death has caused disruption for other bereaved families.